Poke fun at some creationists while I’m occupied.

Hey, it’s been awfully quiet around here — it’s been one of those lost weekends for me. Sorry about that, I’ve been up to my eyeballs in busy-ness, and it doesn’t look like it’ll get much better today. So I guess I’ll steal something from the May/June edition of Skeptical Inquirer, by permission of managing editor Ben Radford.

14 (+ 1) Reasons Why Creationists Are More Intelligently Designed Than Evolutionists
Paul DesOrmeaux

  1. “Creationism” comes before “evolution” in the dictionary.

  2. Radiometric dating has determined that Kirk Cameron is between 6,000 – 10,000 years old.

  3. The banana has obviously been perfectly designed by a designer for eating and for using in other creative, non-edible ways.

  4. Where the hell are those transitional species, like flying squirrels, for example?

  5. If we evolved from monkeys, why don’t we look more like the Planet of the Apes chimps?

  6. Ben Stein offers a perfect example of irreducible complexity “wherein the removal of any one of the parts [such as dying brain cells] causes the system to effectively cease functioning.”

  7. Especially when filled with animal crackers, my Noah’s Ark cookie jar is an exact replica of the real deal as depicted in my illustrated Bible.

  8. Evolution violates the second, third, fourth, and any future laws of thermodynamics that science types can dream up.

  9. If the earth were actually billions of years old, all the water from the Genesis flood, which currently covers three-fourths of the Earth’s surface, would have disappeared down the drain by now.

  10. After supposedly “millions of years,” tetrapods haven’t evolved into pentapods.

  11. Evolution is only a theory, like the theory of the Scottish origin of rap music.

  12. There are well known, professionally published scientists who believe in God and who think dogs can telepathically communicate with humans.

  13. If you leave bread, peanut butter, and Fluff on a counter long enough, does it eventually evolve into a Fluffernutter sandwich? Not likely.

  14. Contrary to claims by Darwinists, Ann Coulter is not a transitional fossil.

  15. If creationism isn’t a valid alternative theory, then what are we going to do with all that crap in the Creation Museum?

    Boobquake bombed

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    The results are in, and I’m sorry to say that women dressing provocatively caused no significant statistical difference in the frequency or magnitude of earthquakes. Geology is simply unimpressed by small localized fat concentrations on the short-lived bodies of mammals.

    I’m afraid, though, that the experiment didn’t test the alternative hypothesis: that there is a lecherous god using reverse psychology on us. That’s the problem with the whole god idea — it’s a shifting target.

    Uh-oh, now you’re in big trouble

    I never thought of this, but it’s a real danger: the Homeopathic Bomb.

    Homeopathic bombs are comprised of 99.9% water but contain the merest trace element of explosive. The solution is then repeatedly diluted so as to leave only the memory of the explosive in the water molecules. According to the laws of homeopathy, the more that the water is diluted, the more powerful the bomb becomes.

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    All I need is a minuscule quantity of octanitrocubane and a couple of liters of bottled water, and *POW*, I’ll have the deadliest water balloon in the universe. Those people who were afraid the LHC was going to destroy the planet when it was switched on had better watch out, because I will tap the POWER of HOMEOPATHY!

    A good mocking is better than a pointless bombing any day

    It’s weird what can suddenly go viral on the web. Jen is riding the tiger right now with her light-hearted ‘boobquake’ idea…and it’s getting picked up all over the place. CNN has a decent article on it, good because they let her explain what it’s about.

    “It’s not supposed to be serious activism that is going to revolutionize women’s rights, but just a bit of fun juvenile humor,” she wrote. “I’m a firm believer that when someone says something so stupid and hateful, serious discourse isn’t going to accomplish anything – sometimes light-hearted mockery is worthwhile.”

    Back on Boobquake’s Facebook page, McCreight took a moment to be serious and encouraged followers to consider donating money to the American Red Cross’ disaster relief efforts or to the AHA Foundation, an organization that strives to “defend the rights of women in the West against militant Islam.”

    Some seem to be getting a bit indignant about it all, and are taking it way too seriously. I think it’s great that people are willing to point and laugh at the stupidity of religious beliefs — I wish more would do so!

    Those naughty Germans

    Apparently, German Catholics are a bit irate over the cover to a satirical magazine. I don’t understand why. This one just shows a reverent priest, titled “The church today”.

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    And this one actually offers a practical use for Christian icons (“Does Jesus play a role?”).

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    This cover is a little more serious, befitting a more serious magazine. It says, “The Hypocrites: the Catholic Church and Sex” — this is a little more accusatory.

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    Maybe the church does have good reason to be a bit touchy about it all.