Porn for math nerds

This recent xkcd should have you all reaching for your calculators.

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I had to look up the population density in my area…it’s 18. Not 18 thousand, just 18. When I plug that number into the formula, I got a value of 4,500 meters, almost 3 miles. The parents of our students will find that a reassuring statistic, I hope.

Of course, the formula lacks a temporal component — that mean distance is going to vary with a circadian rhythm, I would think, with peaks in the evening and early morning hours. Rather than a static number, it should be a function that measures a kind of hourly flux, with all the sexy time people hovering in close around dusk and receding during the day.

Hmmm. If XF included masturbation, that number would be much higher…

Empedoclean evolution

I must echo Huxley and say, “How stupid of me not to have thought of that!” in response to the discovery of a new mode of evolution. This changes everything!

In an entirely relevant mode of logic, I have noticed that we are suffering with a surprising and rather nasty blizzard today, which was clearly intended for tomorrow. Its appearance today only makes sense if it is Australian, and therefore John Wilkins is responsible for flying over here and shoveling my driveway.

Vampires of Boston!

Administrators at Boston Latin prep school issued a notice that there were no — I repeat, no — vampires attending the school. Read the article, and apparently there was also a rumor of at least one werewolf running around.

They issued no disclaimer against the existence of decrepit old mummies or mindless zombies, however, which should be grounds for concern. They’re probably among the staff.

The revenge of Kwok

The John Kwok saga is getting very serious. He threatened to decimate my facebook friends, and has now gloated that the number of mutual friends of Kwok and Myers has now diminished by…3 (out of my current total of 4,793, which is actually a net gain of about 350 since yesterday).

You can imagine my shock and dismay. No, you don’t have to imagine — I had the computer record my reaction on hearing the news.

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Science, with its rational methodology and fact-based process, undermines the American way of life

A real racket

Collectable card games are evil: if they get you hooked, you find yourself throwing money at little foil packets of randomized bits of cardboard, feeding the variable reinforcement schedule. The New Humanist has stumbled onto compounded evil, combining collectable card games with religion. Fortunately, they’re giving the images away for free. If they ever start selling booster packs, though, it will be time to descend on their offices with pitchforks and torches and root out the wicked.