The revenge of Kwok

The John Kwok saga is getting very serious. He threatened to decimate my facebook friends, and has now gloated that the number of mutual friends of Kwok and Myers has now diminished by…3 (out of my current total of 4,793, which is actually a net gain of about 350 since yesterday).

You can imagine my shock and dismay. No, you don’t have to imagine — I had the computer record my reaction on hearing the news.

The pain I will feel when he publishes his book that features me as an Irish terrorist who murders people will be incomprehensible. I shall have to practice shouting “KWOOOOOK!” with an Irish lilt…or will it be enough if I wear a green tam o’shanter while saying it?


  1. LadyH says

    That’s hillarious for sure.
    Question: if he changes so much about you, is it really you in the end?

  2. bootsy says

    “I will leave you as you left me, frozen in an upper-midwest college town, bereft of all facebook friends. Buried alive… Buried alliivve

  3. Apprentice to Darth Holden says

    Good grief, altercations in preschool are more mature than this…

  4. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Aahh poor Kwok. Maybe most of his friends are imaginary. That may explain a lot.

  5. Raynfala says

    Wow… threatened to decimate your number of facebook friends, you say? This John Kwok really lives for the rough ‘n tumble, doesn’t he?

    Up next: John Kwok calls PZ Myers a doo-doo head. U.N. Security Forces step in to put an end to hostilities.

  6. Pete Rooke, ES says

    I was slightly confused to see him nominated initially (he affirms the predominate view here does he not?) but he does seem to have lost it a bit. Someone he cares about him should take him aside and have a kind word.

  7. abys says

    Again, I have to state my slight concern about the mental stability of Kwok. I hope you didn’t list an address on your Facebook entry that’s easily traceable.

  8. Sven DiMIlo says

    cross-posted from the day 5 thread with apologies:

    Those who just don’t understand why a well-spoken anti-creationist like J*hn Kw*k would ever be banned should take a look at this thread. You have to read to the very end to grok Kw*k in fullness (ignore the Bernoulli VMartin crap in the early going…soon it’s all Kw*k).

  9. Steve says

    Is that your best Shatner impression? It sounded to me more like a duck with a hangover.

    Don’t quit your day job.

  10. Sven DiMIlo says

    I hope you didn’t list an address on your Facebook entry that’s easily traceable.

    Ha! I remember PZ posting a google-map of his house!

  11. José says

    Why is that so funny? It’s making my 2 year old giggle hysterically too. He won’t let me stop playing it.

  12. says


    I originally thought people were being a bit hard on this Kwok guy but ffs, he keeps repeatedly shooting himself in both feet -.-;

    Maybe it is best someone shows him the door, heh

  13. AnthonyK says

    It will help greatly if you set aside a short time every day, say 20 minutes, to weep. You cannot change the past, only mourn its existence.
    In retrospect, though, it is a pity than you didn’t go to a better school….

  14. AnthonyK says

    It may have been necessary but it seems to have been regrettable.
    Cocky Twat. Sorry – boring, jesus-sucking cocky twat.

  15. Epikt says


    Is that your best Shatner impression? It sounded to me more like a duck with a hangover.

    …or Jon Stewart channeling Dick Cheney.

  16. Jyotsana says

    José #18 – My 7 year old loves it, too, and would put it on an infinite repeat if he could. What I find really funny (on top of the video itself which had me nearly in tears) is that my son interpreted “Kwok” as “honk” and asked if the man in the video is mad at a goose… :)

  17. abeja says

    Aw now, don’t be so hard on Mr. Kwok. He’s just irritable because no one’s changed his diaper in a while. That rash hurts you know!

  18. Dahan says


    Hey! I just remembered that my cat has a FB page. Expect to get another friend request soon. :)

  19. Brownian says

    Oh, Jokermage, I’m so happy you posted a KoL reference.

    What Kwok doesn’t realise is that the Pharynguyashi Maru cannot be beaten.

  20. Rowan says

    I am truly amazed at the petty childishness that a supposed adult, a graduate of a prestigious high school in New York, Kwok is exhibiting. Doesn’t he realise he is making himself look more and more foolish?


  21. Matt Penfold says

    I am truly amazed at the petty childishness that a supposed adult, a graduate of a prestigious high school in New York, Kwok is exhibiting. Doesn’t he realise he is making himself look more and more foolish?

    Simple answer: No.

  22. Steve Marley says

    Don’t be surprised if in two or three weeks Kwok writes to you claiming to have suddenly had a change of heart and that he now agrees with you about Ken Miller. Kwok will boldly announce that, once again, you can still be friends… as long as you apologize for the most mendacious, character attack on a Bedford-Stuyvesant graduate since the one launched by Bill Dembski . After that, Pz, you’ll need to work with Facebook to insure that they reinstate all of his “lost” friends.

    That’s what you can expect. After getting himself kicked off the Amazon forums for unbelievable rants against Obama, Kwok sent this email.


    Subject: Am supporting Obama now

    I may be that rarity of rarities. A McCain/Palin supporter who accepts evolution as valid science. Had I known Obama would have made the Cabinet picks and policies he’s making, I would have voted for him, NOT McCain. BTW, two of his key advisors, Holder and Axelrod are fellow alums of my high school.

    Before we resume any friendly relations here and at Amazon, I would like an apology from you for mounting a “hate campaign” against me that’s as vicious as any I’ve seen from Bill Dembski. No one from NCSE questioned my political beliefs in any form to what I witnessed from you. Moreover, I want you to ask your friends to vote yea on all my reviews ASAP.
    Respectfully yours,

  23. LisaJ says

    Nice! Man, this is hilarious. It’s making my day, over and over again, during this stressful time in my life. Thanks Kwow!

  24. Eddie Janssen says

    I remember that Uncommon Descent had this strange policy of expelling someone and then having all sorts of threads in which the poor guy was attaqued (? this doesnot look like an English word).
    I don’t care how … Kwok was. If you talk about the guy he must have a right to respond.

  25. m says

    Shit. Now I’m caught up in a senseless exchange of facebook messages with Kwok. Actually, he’s spouting nonsense and I’m telling him to go away, but he won’t. He told me he’s a deist, and I said bully for you, you must have gone to high school with Thomas Jefferson. Here’s his reply:

    “Funny you should say that. I once had dinner with the then California chapter head of the Campus Crusade for Christ and he suggested to me that I ought to read Jefferson’s edition of the bible. That was years ago when I was the resident skeptic in the college chapter of the Campus Crusade. Later, we formed an ad hoc “Origins Committee” and asked a newly arrived assistant professor of biology, Kenneth R. Miller, to debate Dr. Henry Morris, VP of the Institute for Creation Research.”

    Help me.

  26. Rowan says

    @Eddie Janssen # 44

    Kwok was given the entire week to respond to possible expulsion with reasons why he should not be. It was his responses that ultimately resulted in his ban.

    Take a look at the Survivor threads of the last week.

  27. mikecbraun says

    Sorry, I posted my last comment as “m”. It should have been mikecbraun. I don’t want to be suspected of being a sock puppeting a-hole or anything like that.

  28. rrt says

    At this level of bizarrely ineffective, vindictive immaturity, I think this crosses over into “the guy has problems” territory. Is he gonna threaten to hold his breath next?

  29. Badger3k says

    Wow. I read through the thread linked early on, and I wonder if Ken Miller is aware of the huge, huge man-crush that Kwok has on him. Of course it is probably sinful to both, but it is so, so obvious. Wow. If Ken does read this blog, maybe he will see the question and answer it (but I doubt he would).

    I do think that Kwok’s republican leanings and his name dropping and Miller-Love has to do with the authority fetish that so many of them have. They can never understand why most of us here don’t accept authority blindly like they.

  30. Raiko says

    “Kwoook! KWOOOOK!”

    :( I am so scared now.
    Please don’t say it ten times in a row – he might jump out of your mirror!

  31. Badger3k says

    mikecbraun – you have all of our deepest sympathies. His lack of any sense of humor makes him an easy target, but they all fly over his head. Too bad I don’t have a facebook anything, or any desire to play swat-the-kwok. I’m glad none of my students are anything like him, but then they are in high school. Most have grown out of that phase of development by now.

  32. mikecbraun says

    Badger3k, if you give me your e-mail address, I’d be glad to share it with Kwok! Just kidding, I’m not into torture of any kind.

  33. Mercurious(Shawn Smith) says

    LOL MikeCBraum, Yes it looks like we got the “you guys waste so much time on this” guy over at the FB Kwokfest.

  34. Eddie Janssen says

    PZ has banned Kwok. Therefore everything between the two of them is private matter, not to be published in this blog. Ofcourse it is PZ’s blog, but this is a rule he cannot ignore.

  35. mikecbraun says

    Those guys always make me laugh. They are above whatever you are doing or discussing, but they always pop in to give their opinion that whatever you are pursuing is not worth the effort.

  36. mikecbraun says

    Eddie Janssen, please show me the reference to the almighty policy manual of blogging that states this rule. I think PZ can post whatever he feels like, and we can all discuss it. If you don’t agree, piss off. This is a rule you cannot ignore.

  37. says

    Somehow, though, Mr Kwok keeps on talking. His latest missive:

    Hey you’re not the first juvenile delinquent I’ve dealt with. If you are really serious about attending Ken’s talk, I hope you’ll act like a grown up. But because I can’t trust you too, I already alerted the organizer of that talk that you could be a potential problem. Ken was a bit annoyed when he read my e-mail, but I told him I felt compelled to do it in light of your juvenile behavior last summer. And oh yes, I have no doubt that Dr. Ruth Simmons, President of Brown University, would have asked for your resignation for conduct unworthy of a Brown University professor if you did that in Providence.

    I am now having fantasies of standing in line for the auditorium to Miller’s talk, and a security guard comes up and taps me on the shoulder to tell me I have to leave. Deja vu, man.

    I don’t think it will happen. Miller isn’t stupid, unlike the organizer of the last event where that happened.

  38. Mercurious says

    Eddie, just how is it private, that once the Kwokster was banned, he went over to PZ’s facebook pages and started his little hissy fit up over there? There have been no “private” emails published. Everything mentioned has been in the public sphere. So please clarify exactly what “rule” has been broken.

  39. Josh says

    And oh yes, I have no doubt that Dr. Ruth Simmons, President of Brown University, would have asked for your resignation for conduct unworthy of a Brown University professor if you did that in Providence.


  40. says

    PZ, I’m DEEPLY disappointed in your Shatner imitation. While I don’t think anyone here could rival the king of overacting, you need to start by drawing out your vowels, and trying to match his facial contortions. Repeat after me, as close as text allows…


    That should take at least five full seconds. Get back on YouTube, man!

  41. mikecbraun says

    PZ, I’m guessing that if you replaced the words “a bit” before “annoyed” in Kwok’s message with “extremely,” that would be more accurate. Miller probably thinks this guy is a twit, too, if he even knows him.

  42. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Poor Kwok, I don’t think he could find a clue with a map marked with the spot and a GPS system.

  43. AnthonyK says

    Also PZ, presumably you aren’t there to attack Ken in any way. Why would you? It’s part of Kwok’s delusion that you have been unbearably rude and disresptful to Ken and that he is somehow an enemy of yours. Instead, I can imagine you having a pint with him afterwards and laughing uproriously about – John Kwok ;o

  44. Matt Penfold says

    Poor Kwok, I don’t think he could find a clue with a map marked with the spot and a GPS system.

    No doubt the inventor of GPS is a close personel friend of his, whom he was at school with. As indeed the cartographer who produced the map will have been as well.

  45. DominEditrix says

    Does this mean I’ll have to join Facebook and befriend PZ, just to help remedy the hideous reduction of his F[r]iends list? A loss of three!!! Oh noes!

    I could, I suppose, befriend Kwok, then unfriend him.

  46. amphiox says

    #11: Well that is the point, isn’t it? People are not banned for their opinions here, unlike certain other sites.

    People are banned for behavior. How closely they align or not align with some theoretical “majority” opinion on any given subject is irrelevant.

  47. Eddie Janssen says

    @mercurious & mikecbraun
    the guy cannot defend himself because he is banned.
    how uncommon descent must you get?

  48. Schmeer says

    It must be really difficult for a guy like Kwok to have so many important friends and aquaintences and to be such a total loser.

  49. aratina says

    Eddie Janssen kwoks the policy on threats posted for all to see on this blog:

    I reserve the right to publicly post, with full identifying information about the source, any email sent to me that contains threats of violence.

  50. AnthonyK says

    the guy cannot defend himself because he is banned.

    Who fucking cares?
    When he first appeared here (with prievious as the police say, he responded with absurd threats, each one of which made him look and more absurd.
    All he had to do was to say that sometimes people found him irritating, and shut up. He didn’t.
    And what do you think this blog is anyway? Egotism Daycare?

  51. Mercurious says

    Eddie, Kwok had five threads to defend himself. All he did was sink deeper and deeper into the morass of true classic fuckwittery. Basically all we are doing now is pointing and laughing. PZ doesn’t ban people for disagreeing. Infact, it is pretty hard to get banned here. Uncommonly Dense bans anyone at the slightest hint of disagreement. Hell they ban their own contributors. Wasn’t DaveScott just banned from there? We all welcome disagreement’s here. But there has to at least be some intelligent thought behind those disagreements. Have you actually read any of Kwok’s comments? There comes a time when you just get tired of someone’s inane ramblings and show them the door.

  52. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Eddie Janssen, Kwok had plenty of time to defend himself a few days ago. Instead, he kept shooting himself in the foot by not getting a clue as to his obnoxious behavior, in spite of it being repeatedly told to him. That is why he was banned. If he wants us to shut up, he has to shut up first.

  53. Mena says

    Attention John Kwok: “decimated” doesn’t mean that you’ll make him lose ten FB friends.
    As for the people complaining about the immature behavior, you guys do realize that PZ is being threatened with losing FB friends, right? How junior high it *that*?

  54. xebecs says

    Next up: kwokcats, a web-comic depicting the zany antics of a couple of name-dropping cats!

    “I haz frend name Winston Churchill”

    “Me 2! I alzo haz frend name Winston Churchill”

    “We rofl at Stalin. Churchill haz lotsa Germny!”

    “Went hai skul wit Churchill. Pip pip!”

    These old comics make me lol!

  55. AnthonyK says

    “decimated” doesn’t mean that you’ll make him lose ten FB friends

    He might have meant losing 0.1 FB friends.

  56. Carlie says

    #47, that is beautiful.

    If PZ and Kwok lost three mutual friends, that still might mean they dropped Kwok, not PZ, but Kwok hasn’t noticed yet.

  57. 'Tis Himself says

    the guy cannot defend himself because he is banned.
    how uncommon descent must you get?

    Your concern is noted.

  58. mikecbraun says

    Eddie Janssen, Ken Ham is also not here to defend himself, as PZ is not over on Ham’s or any other religious wackaloon’s blog to defend himself. Many historical characters are not here to defend themselves because they’ve passed on. How far do you want to take it? Should we not mention or only speak nicely of anyone at all times? Let’s do that. Then we could pet kittens and have some nice cocoa.

  59. The Chimp's Raging Id says

    Schmeer | March 21, 2009 4:34 PM

    It must be really difficult for a guy like Kwok to have so many important friends and aquaintences and to be such a total loser.

    It certainly would be difficult to be that much of a loser and have that many friends. The apparent contradiction is easily resolved: Kwokkers doesn’t anywhere near as many friends as he thinks he does. This was obvious soon after I first encountered this very odd fellow over at ERV. He’d often be found arguing Carl Rove’s talking points with pretty much every other commenter there. The arguments would drag on until he finally lost what little grip he had on relevance and coherence, at which point he would appeal to his “friend” Abbie Smith to have us all banned. Unsurprisingly, Abbie did nothing of the sort, and in fact become so creeped out by his borderline stalkerish behaviour towards her that she eventually booted him from her blog. I wonder how many of Kwok’s so-called friends are in same category as Abbie?

  60. Interrobang says

    Here’s how I think of him:

    Kwok, kwok.
    Who’s there?
    Banana who?
    Kwok, kwok.
    Who’s there?
    Banana who?
    Kwok, kwok.
    Who’s there?
    Banana who?…

    He’s an annoying and tedious joke, in other words…

    My boyfriend adds:

    Kwok, kwok.
    Who’s there?
    Um, I don’t know. Not Kwok, because he’s banned.

  61. Menyambal says


    May I suggest:

    A Kwokalypse.


    I’m thinking ol’ Kwok is not just stuck in high school, but in some old-school New York literary-gentleman past. He’s trying to conduct a scholarly feud, with letters to journals and all, instead of those ruffianly pistols at dawn. He just can’t find a worthy opponent. Or any weapons at all.

  62. Feynmaniac says

    John “the Facebook Menace” Kwok:

    To the last I grapple with thee;
    from Hell’s heart I stab at thy facebook;
    for hate’s sake, I spit my last comment at thee!

  63. Mercurious says

    ROFL Damn, Kwok is like the energizer bunny. He just keeps going and going and going …. His latest rant on PZ’s wall.

    John Kwok It’s not my call to decide whether you should be admitted to Ken’s talk, but Ken’s and the organizer. However, if I was Ken, I would seriously reconsider whether you should be attending at all, in light of your juvenile behavior towards me, both here, and of course, over at Facebook. You may recall that Ken and I talked about you at some length last year, after his AMNH talk, and we both agreed that you spent too much time whining and moaning about being expelled from “Expelled”. Do you think you can start acting your age for once? As for your favorite acolyte, Abbie Smith, I have a message for her. I think she ought to dump you as her scientific “parent” and adopt either Genie Scott or Ken Miller instead.

    Project much do you Kwok? Who was it that threatened to put PZ in some book your writing? Who was it that threatened to make PZ loose all his FB friends? John, seriously, seek professional help.

  64. Mercurious says

    And now we even have some more Jihad envy! Great FSM this guy really has not the slightest clue.

    John Kwok I meant to say “both here and over at Pharyngula”. Instead of bugging Ken next month, why don’t you see Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Pirates of Penzance” next month at the Minnesota Orchestra’s concert hall? You may remember that I strongly encouraged you to do just that over at Pharyngula.

    BTW, I told Greg Laden that if you decide to go after Muslim-Americans with the same zeal you’ve shown Roman Catholics, I’m just going to watch from the sidelines as my cousin Jim – that is former US Army chaplain James Yee – and his buddies at CAIR decide to take whatever appropriate measures that they may deem to be necessary in dealing with you. Don’t come crying to me if you become the target of their affections.

    P. S. I am attending an alumni meeting at my high school tomorrow (BTW, I’ll let you guess as to which Brown University professor has visited there more than once. There’s only one correct answer.).

  65. nmcvaugh says

    Posted by: Raiko | March 21, 2009 3:41 PM

    Please don’t say it ten times in a row – he might jump out of your mirror!

    You can have fun with that if you use this xkcd cartoon as a guide.

  66. Eddie Janssen says

    Either you give kwok the right to defend himself or you do not attaque him. If you want to do it The Uncommond Descent way you ban him and attaque him. Or you do it the civilised way: you ban him and do not attaque him or you attaque him and give him the right to respond.
    Your choice.

  67. Josh says

    However, if I was Ken, I would seriously reconsider whether you should be attending at all, in light of your juvenile behavior towards me,

    Jesus Christ.

    It’s “if I were Ken…”
    If I were.

    You went to Brown for fuck’s sake.

  68. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Either you give kwok the right to defend himself or you do not attaque him.

    Eddie, what part of he had a chance to defend himself don’t you get? If Kwok listened to criticism and responded accordingly, he would still be posting here. He was a clueless fool. Now he is trying to attack PZ since he was banned. Understand, at the moment, Kwok is the aggressor.

  69. mikecbraun says

    What the fuck does “attaque” mean? Are you French, or just pretending to be? Anyway, the point is moot because Kwok does have defense: you. So, guess what? Kwok’s a douchebag. We attacked him and gave him the chance to defend himself, then he just continued being a douchebag so PZ kicked him off. That would have been end of story, but Kwok doesn’t Kwit. So we’re still attacking him, which, I think, is justified. You don’t have to agree. Your choice.

  70. 'Tis Himself says

    Either you give kwok the right to defend himself or you do not attaque him.


    [imitation posh accent] Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, Mater. I’m off to play the grand piano.

  71. Crudely Wrott says

    Perhaps joltingly off topic to some I suggest a moment of silence to honor and respect the perfectly good young human being who grew to be the adult John Kwok.

    Recall the promise and joy of youth. Remember how far some said you might go. Picture your own self as you were as a child. Anticipating.

    How sad it must feel to be lost in a recurrent loop, endlessly repeating and reliving the usual, the trivial, the routine. Worst of all must be the fate of having no present. Instead everything is perceived in terms of old school daze acquaintances, hastily formed amid manifold distractions. Superficially special and promising but mostly predicated on bravado and vanity and an even deeper layer of school boy connections inherited from alumni and elders.


    Remember the boy. Weep for his future.

    Having done so feel free to laugh at the man who hears no laughter. Leave him to his memories but remember him for your own children’s sake.

    There is swifter game afoot.

  72. says

    “Your choice.”

    Assuming you have the authority to dictate our choices to us makes you look like almost as much of an idiot as Kwok. I’d suggest chilling out and not taking this crap so seriously.

  73. mikecbraun says

    Eddie, my choice d’jour is to attaque. This is my modus operandi and seems to be in keeping with the Zeitgeist. Maybe later I’ll nip out to the shoppes.

  74. 'Tis Himself says

    <Eddie Janssen> You meanies stop being mean to poor, defenseless Johnny Kwok or I’ll…I’ll…I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue. </Eddie Janssen>

  75. Patricia, OM says

    I have a special technique with a steel knitting needle for people that hold their breath. Works every time. *smiles innocently*

  76. Bryn says

    @ Patricia #108
    I’ll bring my circs and we can make it a tag team. Hee.

    Annnnnnnnnnnd…..Mr. Kwok has not only moved on to bat-shit crazy land, he’s bought a condo there and is running for city council.

  77. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Patricia, if the Redhead joins you and Bryn no vital part will go unskewered.

  78. brandon says

    Jesus. It’s like a mode of internet tough guy that reserves the right to tell mom. I’d love to see PZ go all old testament on these barnacle trolls, and just ban the lot of them. Pull the boat out of the water, and scrape them all off. And then ban the weirdoes that come here to whinge about their banned filter feeding friend. Think of it as hygiene for the blog.

  79. says

    This is some of the funniest shit I’ve seen in a while. John Kwok loses the privilege to post on this blog and it comes to this? Especially hilarious as all he was asked to do was stop the name-dropping. It seems having a conversation like normal people was a bridge too far for him.

    I wonder how many times he’s going to name-drop Ken Miller in his novel…

  80. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Something tells me that Kwok wouldn’t be able to stop his name dropping while writing the novel, so no publisher, except a vanity press, would pick it up. And if they edited it for clarity and non-name dropping he would withdraw the manuscript.

  81. Rowan says

    @Eddie Janssen

    Are you deliberately not reading and comprehending the responses to you in comments #48, 75, 76, 77, 78, and 97?

    Have you not bothered to read the threads where John Kwok was given the chance to defend his position and not be banned?

    Survivor: Pharyngula! Day Five

    Survivor: Pharyngula! Day Four

    Survivor: Pharyngula! Day Three

    Survivor: Pharyngula! Day One

    If you can’t be bothered to educate yourself on the circumstances I don’t think you have a position in which to continue to compare PZ’s blog to Uncommon Descent.

  82. GMacs says

    Kwok should be careful about publishing that book, seeing as how two weeks ago tonight the Real IRA made their first attack since the Omagh bombing… followed by another attack a day or two later.

    On a lighter note, PZ, please don’t try the Irish accent, I have found Irish people hate it when Americans try. And besides, maybe Kwok will learn to chill the hell out.

  83. GMacs says

    Er, I mean to say, Kwok should be tactful with his timing.

    Although I won’t assume such could be expected from him.

    By the way, would any of you like me to list off the Irish people I know. Because you know that’s important, and very pertinent to the topic at hand.

  84. Sioux Laris says

    I dunno about anyone else, but Eddie Janssen should be grateful that this exercise has been concluded with the banning of John Kwok (May he learn the value of perspective someday, Ramen!).
    The name of Eddie Janssen is, after his repeatedly lame and annoyingly obvious concern trolling here, one I will likely note in passing and, should he be seen engaging in this sort of bullshit habitually, be the first name I suggest, should another round of this game be played.

    Eddie Janssen, we all have clearly gotten your MESSAGE (pronounced, I believem “me-SAUJ”) and now wish you to turn to another topic, for some time.

  85. Don't Panic says

    Eddie Janssen, as well as having had his chance to defend himself, Kwok also currently has the opportunity to start his own damn blog in which he can write all the name-dropping counter-attacks on PZ that he wants. Hell, I bet PZ would even let you link to it. Kwok’s (sort-of) a smart kid, it shouldn’t be too hard. So, why not? But your concern is noted.

  86. Badger3k says

    Gmacs @ 121 – It’s only important if you went to high school with them, or attended some play or musical event with them, or maybe worked with them…

    oh, hell – the way Kwok acts, you’re probably safe listing them if you only know their name.

    Eddie the Concern Troll (and probably Kwok’s only real friend): Kwok os a petty, pathetic child. His only defense through all the threads was to bring up his “friends”, as if we care who he knows. I’m sure he is one of the Most Important People in the world today, seeing as how he seems to know everybody – tell him to say high to Nat for me (my friend from college who also seemed to know everybody important) – they must know each other.

    Maybe a new game – Six Degrees of John Kwok?

  87. Menyambal says

    I got interested in the threats about CAIR, mostly because Kwok seemed to assume that everyone knew what that was. Turns out that it’s the Council on American-Islamic Relations. A quick ‘net search found some negative opinions of the organization. A quick look in the CAIR site found them going Godwin’s in the third paragraph that I read, something about people using Nazi tactics against them.

  88. says

    I feel left out of the knitting needle stabbiness. I have a full set of nickel-plated circs that I could add to the party. The size 0’s are quite pointy.

  89. Owlmirror says

    As amusing as all of this is, a small part of my brain is going “What if he can’t help being the way he is?. I mean, all of this drama has strong hints of self-esteem issues, insecurities, obsessive-compulsive behavior, and general deeply rooted complex neurosis.

    So in the interests of sanity: John Kwok, seek psychiatric assistance now.

  90. says

    PZ, you have a voice for mime.

    Eddie Janssen,

    Take your meds, do the dishes, finish your homework. I’ll explain why your penis gets hard all by itself in the morning.

  91. mandrake says

    (wants to join Pharyngula Knitting and Terrorist Circle)

    Kaessa – if you’re talking Addi Turbos I am seriously jealous.

    It would not surprise me in the slightest if Mr. Kwok turned out to be a person who enjoyed women torturing him. Just sayin’.

  92. DLC says

    Man, all this childish schoolyard neener-neenering and I missed it. and on top of that, Starbuck’s Dead?
    The Horrors!

  93. says

    If his book ever get’s published, i suppose he won’t be able to have the disclaimer at the front of it stating that “any similarities to real people, past or present, are unintentional”

  94. David Marjanović, OM says

    And the creos say there are no kwokoducks! Hah. We showed ’em.

    Intart00bz won. Thread over.

    Oh, and, what Owlmirror said.

  95. GAZZA says

    Well, I’ve been avoiding MySpace and Facebook for ages now, but I’m kind of tempted to sign up just to push up PZ’s friend numbers.

  96. says

    mandrake @129

    No, not Addis… wish I could afford those! I got a set of the Knitpicks Options (at the risk of flogging my own blog, I have a picture here). I really like them, they’re great for magic loop stuff. Super flexible cable.

  97. Bryn says

    @ Patricia and Nerd of Redhead
    Okay, I’ve got a metric boatload of steel DPN’s and loads of circs. I like circs…not only do they have two points each, but all that lovely nylon cord makes playing pin-the-tail-on-the-kwok possible.

  98. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    The Redhead has a more than a full complement of needles, two sided, straight, and circular, but a large amount of them are tied up in partially finished projects. She still has bags full of unused needles which she can sharpen. I’m certain you ladies will be able to hand Kwok his mortally pierced spleen and/or liver before he his even aware of your presence.

  99. Bryn says

    Hmmm…Ninja Knitters…has a nice ring. And please don’t be using any of your UFO’s. I wouldn’t want any of your work to get stained.

  100. Adam Cuerden says

    Actually, given he admitted that, despite the standard disclaimer, he is writing the character in an attempt to make you look bad, wouldn’t you be able to sue him if he did that? I mean, he’d have a hard time backing out.

  101. John Phillips, FCD says

    Thank you people, one and all, well except for the Janssen bore. Oh, and a very special thanks goes to John Kwok for the gift that keeps on giving. First the Survivor series and now this. What can I say, but the whole series has been pure comedy gold and I have laughed until I cried, so much so that I had to wait some time before I could see the screen to write this thanks :)

  102. scooter says

    No doubt the inventor of GPS is a close personel friend of his, whom he was at school with. As indeed the cartographer who produced the map will have been as well.

    Actually, the inventor of the GPS is a personal friend of mine.

    Well, he was part of the team that refined it into a marketable product in silicon valley. Or maybe they were the guys who cracked it, then marketed it to airlines, come to think of it, too long ago for me, but I do remember he drove around in his pick-up with a wierd antennae and a GPS system in the late 80s

    Tom Bell, any of you Berkeley folks know him?

  103. John Morales says

    Ron @147, yes, quite sure.

    No mention of his high school at all.

    Probably one of his famous friends.

  104. scooter says


    As for your favorite acolyte, Abbie Smith, I have a message for her. I think she ought to dump you as her scientific “parent”

    Wow, Jphn KWOKS that marine biology is the parent of virology. Maybe that’s where the squid flu comes from

  105. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Are we sure Eddie Janssen isn’t a kwokpuppet?

    Possible, but unlikely. Kwok just seemed incapable of not mentioning who he knew. Although it might be an acquaintance of Kwok. We’ve had a series of concern trolls voicing similar concerns. I suspect he was a concern troll who read one of Kwoks rants and came here to chastise us. Didn’t work very well.

  106. Teleprompter says

    If it wasn’t for John Kwok, I’m not sure that PZ would’ve friended me on Facebook, haha.

  107. SteveL says

    Heh, anyone notice that Kwok himself still has PZ as a Facebook friend? (well why not I guess)

  108. Troy says

    He tasks me! He tasks me, and I shall have him! I’ll chase him ’round the Moons of Nibia, and ’round the Antares Maelstrom, and ’round perdition’s flames before I give him up!

  109. yoyo says

    Could we start at redheads against kwokification, imagine if he moved into YOUR neighbourhood. “Wont someone think of the children!”

  110. says

    Now that you’re out of friends, I friended you on fb and followed you on Twitter. Just in case you were lonely.

    Can we get a group together to sit outside PZ’s window and serenade him? I’ll bring bagpipes.

  111. 'Tis Himself says

    Can we get a group together to sit outside PZ’s window and serenade him? I’ll bring bagpipes.

    Little Birds are playing
    Bagpipes on the shore,
    Where the tourists snore:
    “Thanks!” they cry. “‘Tis thrilling!
    Take, oh take this shilling!
    Let us have no more!”

    -Lewis Carroll

  112. The Chimp's Raging Id says

    Scooter @ #160

    Coffee, meet keyboard. That was hilarious.

    For more continued amusement, Kwakkers dived head first off a cliff on the very next thread. The highlights?

    #13. Yes, the fuckwit really wrote this:

    On a more personal note, I’ve worked with a Barack Obama; a charismatic Afro-American who has mismanaged an annual scholarship fundraising event here in NYC for disadvantaged students attending our undergraduate alma mater. Unfortunately he is still active in the NYC alumni club and is busy screwing things up. He tried running for office in the national alumni association, but thankfully, lost his electoral bid. Hopefully, with any luck, this will happen to Caesar Barack Obamaus, whom I regard as much a phony as the “Barack Obama” I know.

    #76, in which he lies about the commenters opposing him being banned from PT:

    ‘Tis the pity that the level of intellectual discourse is far lower here than at PT. Wait, it just occurred to me. Dustin, H. H. and a few others of their scumbag ilk were thrown out of PT.

    He then continues by pathetically appealing to Abbie to get us banned:

    P. P. S. Abbie, it might be time to crack the whip on some of these chimps.

    #97. And then there was this gem:

    The only reason why I think I might perish in an Al Qaeda nuclear attack on New York City is because Obama, with all of his inexperience, will let his guard down, by relaxing the monitoring of terrorist chatter and thus, inadvertently, allow terrorist infiltration into the United States.

    Oh, the memories…

  113. Carlie says

    Ichthyic, might I request to join that ravelry group too? That means trying to remember my login, though…

    PZ is now only 52 friends away from the Facebook limit of 5000 (unless they have raised the limit in the last update). That worked really well for Kwok, I have to say.

  114. Ichthyic says

    Ichthyic, might I request to join that ravelry group too?

    don’t see why not.

    click the invite link on the main ravelry page, and specify you want an invite to the LSG group.

    I’m currently uh, engaged, with one of the leading protagonists there, so she shakes her fist at me if I dare suggest I actually join, but I know a lot of people here would enjoy the conversations there (and there IS already some overlap between here and there; this I know for sure).

    …especially those who like Sluts, Bacon, and Knitting.

    (not necessarily in that order).

  115. Ichthyic says

    …before any misguided wellwishes appear, I mean “engaged” in the “joined at the hip” sense, not in the matrimonial sense.

    *looks behind self to make sure she isn’t seeing this*


  116. Peter Ashby says

    PZ if I were silly enough to have a Facebook page, I would be your friend. As far as I can see the social networking sites are little more than tarted up phone books crossed with those cards you see in phone boxes here in the UK. I’m in the phone book if anyone wants to contact me.

  117. aratina says

    Kwokking-A the Chimp’s Raging Id (#158 & #162). Kwok is such an elitist unclefucker. Thanks for showing just how vile of a troll he truly is. Like most blinkered conservatives, he asininely mistook the jubilation of liberals for fascism. Kwok’s willingness to lie and smear, his incessant appeals to authority, and his ambition to infiltrate liberal sites put him in the same troll class as Anne Coulter.

  118. Patricia, OM says

    Ichthyic – Nothing like seeing Ravelry, bacon, sluts and knitting through the fog of my first cup of coffee…

    I tried to join that site, but got no where. It looks like it would be fun.

  119. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    I mentioned Ravelry to the Redhead a few months ago. The answer was essentially she doesn’t do computers and on-line stuff. Sigh.

  120. Patricia, OM says

    Nerd – Went over and signed in… I have 10,925 people ahead of me! So the Redhead may have something there. The site must be massive once you get in.

  121. Nerd of Redhead, OM says

    Patricia, she heard it was a time swamp from some of her knitting group. The Redhead has a perfectly good iMac G3 which can web surf quite nicely, but would have trouble playing videos. It just sits there unconnected to power/ether net. She has an account on my computer. I use it once a week to check her e-mail account. Sigh.

  122. says

    It can be a time swamp if you’re not careful how many forums you follow, but it is an outstanding place to find new patterns and advice. The guy who designed the site (Casey) is, IMHO, brilliant.

  123. AnthonyK says

    I think I shall have to pray to find out whether joining “Ravelry” is what God wants me to do. I kind of hope not – if so it means that my sojourn here was only a step on my ultimate life’s goal of revolutionising the cosy world of knitting. I’m conflicted – knitting or rationalism?
    Oh lord, give me a sign!
    No, not that one…

  124. Patricia, OM says

    AnthonyK – why would you want to go to a knitting site… oh how about thousands of single women hanging out there?

  125. Patricia, OM says

    Kwokhead would have learned to knit in high school, in a class taught by Elizabeth Zimmerman, of course.
    *snort, snort*

  126. AnthonyK says

    Well Patricia, I see my intellectual progress through life as one involving following God’s yarn trail through the labyrinth. And as I get nearer to the end it seems more and more like my goal is in fact – an immense ball of Heavenly Wool.
    I am beginning to see clearly that probably what the Great Clacker wishes me to know is – reality through knitting. I mean, if you add chickens in there, that’s pretty much where you’re at now, right?
    No, it’s seeming more and more like this is where I have to go. My only decision now is – does Ravelry provide the one true pattern?

  127. Patricia, OM says

    And True moist sauciness.

    But you forgot the bacon, godless and sluts. I see ravelry in your future. ;)

  128. AnthonyK says

    Are you suggesting that this is in fact the raveled truth?
    But what’s this about lesbian knitters? Surely not? Or perhaps that should be surly knot?
    Ah, now I see…;o

  129. Menyambal says

    Scooter, that was amazing. Thanks.

    I was musing about the Kwok sometime last night, and had a thought about why his high-school stuff went over so poorly here.

    In my mid-western high school, the only people who (a) enjoyed high school, and (b) gave a rat’s ass about WHICH high school they were in, were the jocks and the cheerleaders. Everybody else was trying to get through high school, on to college or something, and wanted no part of the sports rivalries and the other bullshit. But we got a lot of shit. (I was just trying to tell my daughter about my choosing to not go to pep rallies. I had to stay down in the detention area with the “bad” kids.)

    So when someone starts blatting about their high school, my anti-jock, science-nerd reflexes kick in. I’m guessing the average person on this blog feels somewhat the same. And there’s another twist.

    Kwok’s bragging was about how much better the education was at his high school. I remember the frustration I felt when a high-school teacher was slowly explaining something to a cheerleader, something that I had figured out in fifth grade. I wished then that I could go somewhere else, but I had no choice in the matter.

    Really, I didn’t know that better high schools existed. To find out, now, that schools like Stuy exist is saddening. What could I have done with an education like that? Where would I be? What would I be? And what has Kwok done with his more-precious-than-rubies educational opportunity? He has no Nobel Prize, is not Poet Laureate, he is just rambling out nonsense on blog comments.

    Kwok, you son of a bitch.

  130. hf says

    Adam Suerden writes: Actually, given he admitted that, despite the standard disclaimer, he is writing the character in an attempt to make you look bad, wouldn’t you be able to sue him if he did that? I mean, he’d have a hard time backing out.

    Now that you mention it, yeah! You might or might not win, but the lawsuit would definitely deserve a hearing, which seems equivalent to saying Kwok’s publisher (if he has one) would want none of it.

  131. Kawa says

    Please tell me I’m not the only one with the crazy idea to have PZ’s kwokking as a “major system error” sound…

  132. CSue says

    OK, having FINALLY grokked the Kwok’s high school’s NAME (B.-S.) from these comments, I have figured it out:

    Yep, he’s Susan Kwok’s brother. She went there, too.

    So I have to feel a LITTLE sorry for him. :> INSANITY RUNS IN THAT FAMILY!!

    Oh, and I believe it should be called “The A-kwok-olypse.”

  133. Badger3k says

    #184 – Susan Kwok?

    Who is that? A quick google search doesn’t get anything that might be insane, at least not that I can see. Is this some kind of joke?

  134. Ichthyic says

    I tried to join that site, but got no where.

    I see you’re trying again. let me know if u have problems, and I’ll see what my S.O. has to suggest to improve it.

    you, of all here, REALLY need to check out the LSG group!

  135. Mark Mobley says

    PZ just reached 5k friends on Facebook (I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy that I was #4999)

    Nice work, Kwok ;)

  136. Bryn says

    I frequently lurk (gotta join one of these here days) on LSG on Ravelry. It’s a lot of fun to read and beautifully irreverent.

  137. The Chimp's Raging Id says

    CSue @ #184:

    Yep, he’s Susan Kwok’s brother. She went there, too.

    So I have to feel a LITTLE sorry for him. :> INSANITY RUNS IN THAT FAMILY!!

    Now you’ve made me curious. What’s the deal with Susan Kwok?

  138. yoyo says

    SUSAN KWOK! Hits head hard, dont tell me there are more of them! Can you imagine all the IMPORTANT republican voting fox news watching friends she will have?

  139. Ambri says

    @ Ichthyic, Mandrake, Kaessa, Patricia et al.

    I don’t know about the apparently unintentionally hilarious Kwok, but my attention was caught by the knitting discussions. I got some Addi turbo lace circs last week, so I could definitely join with the stabbitiness – they are satisfyingly sharp. Should have known half of you were LSG Ravellers…

  140. Marion Delgado says

    When John Kwok and his friends withdraw from civilization, and they stand on the shores of their island as the motor of the world stops, and you parasites, socialists, religionists, altruists, New Dealers, welfare queens, second-handers, and others bereft of a consistent and healthful psychoepistemology and capitalist pragma of selfishness, indvidualism, logic, Aristotle, smokestacks, cigarettes, advertising, dollar signs, and anything else that is good and wholesome in the world, as you crawl around in your shattered cities like extras from Slumdog Millionaire, I hope you remember this day. Especially YOU, squid-boy!

    I have spoken.