Comments

  3. Ichthyic says

    I dunno, seems to me that ripping an effigy of Ratzi in half to not only slap on a frenchie, but then continue forward to bonk away would seem somehow decadently satisfying.

    I forsee “Pope a Dope” condom wrappers becoming the next rage…

    maybe even imprint an image of Ratzi on the condom itself?

  5. Janine, Insulting Sinner says

    Protection for your little pope.

    You just gave me an other reason to be grateful that I am a dyke.

    Damned funny though.

  6. says

    Instead of sending condoms to the Pope, maybe we should be sending them to clinics in the poorer countries of Africa.

  8. Randy Randy says

    Introducing the Vatican’s new line of infallible condoms. With new easy open packaging, no need to wait before you get to paradise. Reliable until the second coming!

    Okay, I confess, that last pun was sinful.

  9. says

    *uses deep announcer’s voice*

    Are you tired of having sex carefully but feel guilty about using contraception? Well feel guilty no more!

    “I Told You So” Pope brand condoms with ready-made holes to guarantee that your seed falls into the belly of your whore.

    Gauranteed to help spead STDs and promote teen pregnancy. You’ll only feel like you’re using protection.

    Be disappointed today!

    *cough cough*

    Too much?

  13. Wowbagger, OM says

    Maybe we can call them ‘Benny Hats’ instead of ‘Jimmy Hats’ from now on…

  15. Hank Bones says

    Um, I think everyone’s a bit confused. Those aren’t condoms. They’re emergency communion packs. A single wafer, pre-soaked in communion wine, and fits conveniently in your wallet! Now you can have Jesus in your mouth without the hassle of going to chuch!

  16. says

    “Looks like a Subway commercial for monster condoms.”

    I dunno. I don’t think there’s anyone with a penis as big as the pope is holding out his hands… at least not human.

    I know there’s a joke here about a devout Christian who’s slipped away from the “Word” like Ted Haggard and the male prostitute and beastiality or animal breeding or something, but I’ve been working for 13 hours straight and I can’t think of it right now.

    Extra points if you could sort of get my line of thought through the gibberish I just typed and double extra points if you can actually finish the joke.

  17. says

    I am sure I would use those condoms. With the Pope on them, it makes it seem likely they are endorsed by The Church. That means there is likely a hole on the end and meant for married couples only.

  19. debaser says

    @ #6 — I agree. Send the condoms to africa, then send the fuck-you letters to the vatican.

    And hey! Did you know “scumbag” is an old name for a used condom? Scum — old word for cum, and while the effective latex condom is pretty new, the idea of a spunk-catcher isn’t. While no one needs to re-use pig intestines anymore, the current pope’s views on sex might as well be from that same time. Ratzinger, Lord Scumbag!

    This is also a good time to point out to people that the development of contraceptives has been an almost entirely secular, and always opposed by organized religion.

  25. Free Lunch says

    Circular crackers?

    I was a consubstantiationist, but they were circular at every church I ever went to. They weren’t nearly that thick.

    Benny Hex might be useful for something anyway. Good.

  26. Last Hussar says

    “To put Jesus in your mouth” Are they flavoured then.

    Janine- if you’re not interested in ‘Mr Pokey’ howabout I breathe through my ears…

  28. Wowbagger, OM says

    debaser wrote:

    And hey! Did you know “scumbag” is an old name for a used condom?

    I certainly did – I use it from time to time to describe posters who I really dislike. I’m not sure they realise just how offensive toward them I’m being by doing so.

  29. Hockey Bob says

    @#28

    I see the desperate trolls have finally arrived.

    Hey, PSF, I thought you went bareback? All good catholics do, you know.

    Now, about these Ratzi the Nazi condoms; would swastikas be appropriate for the packaging?

  30. nick nick bobick says

    They market these as “Vatican ticklers”. Just like a French tickler except the tip has been cut off.

    A doggerel verse from my ancient youth:

    In days of old
    When knights were bold
    And rubbers weren’t invented
    They wrapped their cocks
    In dirty socks
    And babies were prevented.

  32. woodstein312 says

    But I could think of nothing better to spoil the romance than looking down and seeing the pope staring back at you…

  33. says

    In days of old, when Popes wore gold
    But no one wore a condom
    One’s rod or staff was kept from gaffe
    By blessings heaped upon dem
    With nothing there but hopeful prayer
    To guard against diseases
    Not even Popes had any hopes
    Of doing as one pleases

    To keep the chap from getting clap
    The Pope starts staying celibate
    His health at stake, he must not break
    This vow just for the helibate
    The rule holds, too, for me and you;
    The reasons, though, not quite:
    He says “no glove when you make love”
    But only out of spite.

  34. says

    “But I could think of nothing better to spoil the romance than looking down and seeing the pope staring back at you…”

    Yeah, but if the picture of the pope is printed directly on the condom, maybe if you found a REALLY devout christian who gets off on the idea of having sex with the pope… That might be the next best thing…

    *shrug* Try craig’s list. You might get lucky.

  36. Larry says

    Reminds me of a Simpson’s episode where Marge is reflecting on her choice of products to shill.

    Marge: I learned something. When people reach for their diaphragm, they don’t want to see my picture.

  38. rightsaid says

    It’s not his popiness that would be a turn off. Just look at his face. I think condoms like these would be very effective at preventing pregnancy by leading to abstinence.

  39. ethin says

    They’re barbed on the inside for self-flagellation. Also, they are decorated to resemble the Pope’s holy mitre. The packs are also inscribed: Let he who is without sin cast the first bone.

  41. Your Mighty Overload says

    Personally, with the Popies hand like that, I want ones saying “give me a “whoop whoop””… Might fit the occasion better, methinks….

  42. astrounit says

    “Needs a hat”? Yes, his hat looks like a giant phallus that promotes anything BUT abstinance.

    And putting a hat on that particular head provides further subliminal suggestion.

  45. thanks says

    Better idea than the purity rings. Wrinkly old Pope on my contraception would def. kill the mood.

  47. astrounit says

    Cuttlefish missed a golden opportunity:

    The line should have read “just for the HALIBUT”.

    Fish, you know….

  49. ihateaphids says

    the best part of these would be taking the used prophylactic and shoving it back into the package before disposal…perhaps with a cracker on top and a nail through the both.

  50. Michael X says

    Wouldn’t a more effective angle be putting a naked pic of the Pope on the cover? The caption could read: “Think upon my naked loins”. It works on so many levels…

    Hell, I may not have sex for days just for having thought of that.

  52. Menyambal says

    Let me see if I can do this:

    “Don’t you know that there’s a picture of the Pope on each condom?”

    “No, I don’t know that there’s a picture of the Pope on each condom.”

    “Oh, you’ve never had to unroll one that far, have you?”

  54. Twin-Skies says

    @Christophe Thill

    He likens sex as to juggling machetes. You do not disagree with a man juggling machetes

  56. He Flips says

    Seems a little big… oh, uh… i mean.. .nevermind.

    Reminds me of a joke:
    What’s the difference between a condom and a rattlesnake?

    I don’t know, I don’t fuck with either one

  57. Seeker says

    To stay in the spirit of the season:
    “He has truly arisen, haleluiah”

    What’s next? Vatican Viagra?

  58. Chinahand says

    This is my first ever posting – so go easy on me folks!

    Dan Ariely on TED http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_ariely_on_our_buggy_moral_code.html discusses norms which reduce lying, cheating etc and found that having a bible or even an honour code to make a declaration on that your behaviour will be ethical did reduce unethical behaviours – even when the person declaring on the bible was an atheist.

    If your objective is to reduce unprotected sex by means of either abstinence or condom use, then these condoms may well help.

    Even better would be distributing condoms with El Papa saying – First abstain, always be safe, do no harm.

    Obviously there is an irony in having such words coming out of this reactionary’s mouth, but those who can do, those who can’t … preach; but the end result would probably be less unprotected sex.

    Its basically the same thing as the gag about the adultrous spouse removing photos of their partner, or mother, or whatever, in various sitcoms – that moral tug hurts.

    If you are thinking of doing something naughty I can’t think of a better turn off than having El Papa suddenly appearing in your mind.

  60. Graculus says

    If you are thinking of doing something naughty I can’t think of a better turn off than having El Papa suddenly appearing in your mind.

    I can’t think of a better turn off even when NOT doing something naughty.

    These, however, are hilarious.

  61. MAJeff, OM says

    That visage is enough to put anyone off.

    Certainly not enough to get anyone off.

    And if it is, I don’t want to know that person.

  64. Medusa says

    I gotta buy some of these!

    But, maybe not. I’d laugh myself right out of the mood.

  65. Sili says

    They’re barbed on the inside for self-flagellation.
    Posted by: ethin | April 1, 2009 8:12 PM

    You don’t get this whole Vatican shtick, do you?

    They’re barbed on the outside to punish those dirty dirty whores who force the magnificent man to stick his most hole of cocks into her sin-hole.

    :shivers: – that made me feel dirty.

  66. dwarf zebu says

    he best part of these would be taking the used prophylactic and shoving it back into the package before disposal…perhaps with a cracker on top and a nail through the both.

    That’s hot!

  67. Michel says

    @25

    It’s a six-pack of emergency communion wafers; that explains the thickness