Piers Morgan. Can he get any more repulsive?

That’s a challenge. I’d like to see him try. He and Tucker Carlson have this thing going where they screw up their faces and pretend to ignorance, as if it were to their credit, and the routine is getting old fast.

His latest schtick is to declare that women are disgusting if they don’t shave off all their body hair.

Morgan and co-host Susanna Reid were discussing the new campaign ‘Januhairy‘, which encourages women to not shave their armpits and embrace their natural hair.

But Morgan was repulsed by the idea, and after being shown images of celebrities who have decided not to shave – including Lady Gaga, Madonna and Julia Roberts – the GMB presenter said he died inside.

Reid asked Morgan if he shaved his pits, to which he replied a firm, No.

“Is that laziness?” Reid then asked.

No because women don’t have a problem with that. But men don’t fancy women who let it all out in January.

Apparently, someone needs to urgently inform Lady Gaga, Madonna and Julia Roberts, and all other women, that it is their duty to satisfy Piers Morgan’s sexual kinks. I think they need to grow even more body hair, because if a few tufts of armpit hair make him die inside, a bit more fuzz might make him die the rest of the way, which would be nice.

Also curious if women out there really want to know anything about Piers Morgan’s armpits, because I didn’t. I could have lived a long, contented life without ever considering Morgan’s body hair, and I feel like him forcing me to think about it was a terrible violation.

Here’s something even worse: Kate Smurthwaite appeared on Susanna Reid’s show (Morgan is just the dull sidekick there) to talk about why women shouldn’t feel compelled to shave, and he got totally sidetracked with the revelation that Smurthwaite is polyamorous…so he had to jack up the creepiness quotient by pestering her with prurient little questions.

Kate Smurthwaite, a comedian, was describing how her hairy armpits have never stopped her from finding a lover, and Piers was desperate to get back to his conversation.

He asked her: Can I talk about your polyamorous thing for a minute, because I’ve never heard of this thing? What does that mean?

Oh god. He’s never heard of this thing. Right. That was just an excuse to continue to probe into a woman’s sex life, in public.

Why does this horrible little man appear on television? Promise me, English-type persons, you’re not going to someday elect him to be prime minister, are you? Because that seems to be a common trajectory in our little colony, rising from cheap bigoted ‘entertainer’ to high office. I’d hate to see it happen to you.

If you’d like to see the whole episode, here it is. Morgan was more of a sleazy prat than I imagined, and Smurthwaite was smart, classy, and funny.


  1. zebede says

    We’re kind of hoping he will permanently move Stateside, but even Fox News seem reluctant. How about we throw in Farage in free?

  2. says

    We chased Morgan away once already. I think you’re going to have to find another destination for him…don’t you guys have a few rickety old offshore platforms you can banish him to?

  3. says

    His latest schtick is to declare that women are disgusting if they don’t shave off all their body hair.

    It’s OK. I think that Piers is disgusting if he doesn’t staple his mouth shut, so let’s call it even.

    But men don’t fancy women who let it all out in January.

    I’m wondering how humankind made it to the year 2019 with men apparently having been abhorred by women for thousands of years before the advent of the cheap razor… be

  4. zenlike says

    Australia used to be England’s dumping ground for “undesirables”, and it’s only fair for foisting Ken Ham on the US, right?

  5. jefrir says

    Promise me, English-type persons, you’re not going to someday elect him to be prime minister, are you?

    I’d love to be able to promise you this, but people put Boris Johnson in charge of stuff, repeatedly, so my level of trust in my compatriots is low.

  6. What a Maroon, living up to the 'nym says

    I’d think repulsing Piers Morgan would be a nice side benefit of not shaving.

  7. lotharloo says

    I wish they hadh challenged him to pluck out his armpit hair just one. I bet he would wail and cry like the little entitled baby he is.

  8. Saad says

    the GMB presenter said he “died inside”.

    Maybe if enough women do it he’ll go all the way.

  9. auraboy says

    A very traditionalist, patriarchal, mainstream comedy show on BBC1 (home of all things staid and status quo) recently (well last year) suggested that incompetent Russian hitmen should assassinate the Belingcat journalist who exposed the agents who poisoned Skirpal in Salisbury by showing Piers Morgan’s face. When even the establishment BBC1 programmes are joking about your execution you probably don’t rate highly in the UK’s esteem. Even right wing bores seem to think he’s kept around to make their bigotry look blasé in comparison.

  10. Rich Woods says

    There’s no danger of Piers Moron ending up in high office. The highlight of his newspaper career came in 2004 when, as editor of the Daily Mirror, he published fake photos of British soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners. He refused to apologise and was sacked; the newspaper’s owner, Trinity Mirror, had previously offered a large reward for anyone able to shed light on the source of the photographs but withdrew it once Moron was kicked out, which can’t help but lead observers to a particular conclusion. Moron was widely castigated for increasing the danger to British soldiers by acting as a recruiting sergeant for al-Qaeda once the photos reached Iraq.

    Unfortunately none of that seems to have stopped him from building up a television career over the last seven or eight years. With luck he’ll step over the line once more and be obliged to move to a more fitting twilight role in local radio…

  11. Saad says

    I didn’t mean it that way, but my post at #9 reads like a joke about suicide. I apologize.

  12. =8)-DX says

    He is soooo condsescending and arrogant about everything! Not only constantly wrong and bigoted, but proud about being wrong and mystified that anyone could ever disagree with him!

  13. says

    There’s no danger of Piers Moron ending up in high office.

    Don’t jinx us. Look what happened the last time a washed up misogynistic television talking head had no danger of ending up in high office.

  14. unclefrogy says

    I do not think he is pretending to be ignorant. he only knows what his opinions are. He has very little actual knowledge of the real world outside of his own head and his actual knowledge of his own head is extremely shallow.
    he like so many on fox is ignorant.
    uncle frogy

  15. opposablethumbs says

    Piers Morgan is the kind of scum that actual pond scum looks down on; an excrescence that even slimy things smeared on the soles of people’s shoes are ashamed to be seen with.
    An abject, putrescent little pimple on the arse of humanity.

  16. Akira MacKenzie says

    But men don’t fancy women who let it all out in January.

    Oh my non-existent god… How did humanity have sex throughout the millennia when women with body hair was the fucking norm?! Could it be that aversion to women with hairy armpits, legs, or public area is only just a recent phenomenon based on nothing by sexist attitudes and market forces? Look, whether or not you find female body hair attractive neither breaks my legs or picks my pockets, but don’t act as if standards of beauty are etched in stone for all of us to adhere to.

  17. anat says

    SRSLY? This guy isn’t aware of how common it is for women to not shave during winter? All those women wearing weather-appropriate clothes might be hairy underneath them! How will we survive?

  18. Sean Boyd says

    Can he get any more repulsive?

    Somewhere in England, a soused Piers Morgan is asking someone to hold his beer.

  19. lucifersbike says

    The UK is cursed with a small clique of media and political personalities who are often spectacularly untalented, frequently repulsive, and completely unrepresentative of the country at large. Unfortunately we seem unable to follow the example of or mainland cousins by rising up and chopping the buggers’ heads off.

  20. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    opposablethumbs: “Piers Morgan is the kind of scum that actual pond scum looks down on; ”

    I think of him as “across the pond” scum.

    Also, I know what kind of website membership I’m chipping into for Piers!

  21. gijoel says

    Reid asked Morgan if he shaved his pits, to which he replied a firm, “No.”…
    …No because women don’t have a problem with that.

    Tell that to my last girlfriend.

  22. Onamission5 says

    Today’s incarnation of conservatives are really plumbing the depths of their predecessors’ 1970’s talking points, aren’t they. Anything to distract, anything to obfuscate, anything to target not-them.

  23. says

    Well, actually I prefer my dude’s armpits shaved as well.
    BUT, it’s his armpits so while I like them the way he grooms them, as long as they’re clean it’s none of my business.
    I also prefer MY armpits shaved, because I quickly develop body odour (TMI, probably). But I don’t go around demanding others do so as well. Oh, and I rarely shave my legs. I know, horrible, I know…

  24. Ragutis says

    For all of Jeremy Clarkson’s faults, to this day I love him for punching Piers in the mouth.

    I’d assume there are plenty of women who aren’t big fans of Movember either, but they understand. Pretty much any time I’ve seen Morgan interview someone, I’ve doubted that even Vlad the Impaler could make him get the point.

    Piers, I’m guessing has spent too much time watching porn and too little with actual women. Body hair, the lack thereof, and the myriad spectrum of variations available are yes, often fetishized, but you can’t dictate your preferences onto others. or expect them to conform to your desires. Welcome to the real world, Piers. Adults in relationships accept one another for the way they are, or at least negotiate a middle ground (Fine, I’ll shave it into a landing strip if you promise never to grow that scraggly-ass beard out again). And just why the hell should Julia Roberts or anyone give even a moment’s thought to your opinion of their armpits?

    FFS, just wait a month (and until your wife’s asleep) before Googling their pics again if you don’t already have a spankbank folder, you creepy bastard.

    As for the polyamory thing, I can understand genuine curiosity, but its as much of your business as anyone else’s personal/sex life. None. Actually, I probably could have made my point about the shaving thing just as succinctly. I guess I just like to hear myself type.

  25. says

    I gave up on shaving.

    I spent way too much time with my legs wrapped in towels, propped up the wall, waiting for bleeding to stop.

    Anyone who doesn’t like it can go fuck themselves.

  26. =8)-DX says

    @Akira MacKenzie #17 (emphasis mine)

    aversion to women with hairy armpits, legs, or public area

    He he, that typo gave me a chuckle.

  27. Akira MacKenzie says

    Well, it. An be public if we could just abandon our prudish taboos about pubic… I mean, public nudity.

  28. codeslinger2001 says


    In the video game “State of Decay 2” one of the female characters tosses off the line:
    “You wanna know the best thing about the zombie apocalypse? No one expects me to shave my legs.”

    It seems there is at least ONE zombie in the world that DOES expect women to shave their legs.

  29. call me mark says

    Just a quick reminder that Piers Moron should have been locked up for fraud. When he was Mirror editor, he bought a bunch of shares shortly before the investment tipsters in his paper plugged the company concerned, in a classic pump-and-dump scheme.

  30. rietpluim says

    Piers Morgan. Can he get any more repulsive?

    It just happened that I saw a tweet by Morgan about mental illnesses and I can confirm positively and conclusively that yes, he can.

  31. Anton Mates says

    No because women don’t have a problem with that.

    In fairness, most women are probably not less attracted to Piers Morgan because of his armpits.

    But men don’t fancy women who let it all out in January.

    Pop quiz! Which of these four individuals is least likely to be an expert on how women can get men to fancy them?

    a) Madonna
    b) Julia Roberts
    c) Lady Gaga
    d) Piers Morgan