Gruss Gott! Bienvenido a Morris!

I’m back home from my sojourn in Wisconsin, but now I have to flee the house, because my wife has turned on Fox News. That Orange Asshole is visiting Fort Drum today, where my son is stationed, and Connlann is supposed to be somewhere in attendance behind the dimwitted sphincter, so she’s hoping to get a glimpse of her baby boy.

There are many things I will do for my children, but I won’t do that. Which I’ve just realized must be what Meatloaf is singing about.


  1. says

    Y’know, when I was growing up I thought this was sung by a woman singer. I think I thought it was a Jefferson Starship song or something. Obviously I’ve heard of Meatloaf, but the only concrete memories I have of any Meatloaf performance are from his appearance in Rocky Horror.

    In any case, I got a smile out of remembering that I was making gendered assumptions for decades before I learned better and that getting this one (almost certainly) wrong only calls extra attention to the fact that it’s nearly always a bad idea to make gendered assumptions. That’s a lesson to come back to time and again, but in the meantime I’ll have to go listen to Paradise By The Dashboard Lights for the first time in a few years.

    P.S. Am I crazy, or does this not sound a bit Jefferson Starship to anyone else?

  2. bachfiend says

    You should watch the Faux News along with your wife so you have a statistically valid test population of two to test whether seeing a loved one (ie your son) in the presence of the Dumpster either decreases the liking for the the former or decreases the loathing of the later.

    It’s also an opportunity to test whatever anti-emetics you have on hand.

  3. birgerjohansson says

    If they have Cyberdyne Systems drones you can do a bit of creative hacking.
    ‘bzzz….fuck off, asshole” (BLAM)

  4. jrkrideau says

    I live just across the border from Fort Drum. Assure him we have good restaurants and lots of interesting things to do, if he escapes for a weekend.

    We, also, are a very old military town. Soldiers tend to get a good welcome.

  5. willj says

    One of my reoccurring nightmares is to be captured by terrorists from the NRA, strapped to a chair with my eyelids taped open, and forced to watch Fox News for 24 hours straight. At the end, I’m reduced to a drooling, gibbering mess who believes in bigfoot and the lizard people, and the importance of arming our children against them.

  6. kenbakermn says

    “Dimwitted sphincter”? Not appropriate, a sphincter can close and prevent the spewing of ordure when it needs to.

  7. says

    If it’s of any consolation, there was a Trump protest in neighboring Watertown and a rather large one here in Utica, 90 minutes or so south. Trump came here for a private fundraiser for the odius Congresswoman Tenney (she of “so many mass shooters turn out to be Democrats” infamy). Although there were supporters, a much, much larger contingent of anti-Trump protesters were out in force (local TV estimates 1700 anti-Trump).

  8. jrkrideau says

    @ 7 pz
    He lives in Watertown. He’s pretty famililar with opportunities in the area.

    Ask him the last time he was in Gananoque or or Brockville or Kingston.

    I am sure that Watertown is a nice little town. Just not the equivalent of Kingston.