Christmas must be coming, because the snowflakes are raging

It is becoming one of the most dreaded days of the year: Starbucks announces the pattern on their holiday cardboard cups. Will it be Cthulhu, devouring the world? Will it be the heat death of the universe, captured in a dull gray pattern representative of the faint hiss of radiation from dying galaxies? Will it be a festive splatter of Jesus’s blood as he’s tortured, surrounded by gleeful legionnaires raising their cups of holiday cheer? You never know. It doesn’t matter. Whatever it is, the wattles of the faithful will tremble with rage.

And here they are…

According to a spokesperson,

This year’s hand-drawn cup features scenes of celebrating with loved ones — whoever they may be. We intentionally designed the cup so our customers can interpret it in their own way, adding their own color and illustrations.

And with that, a few loons are off to the races. It’s the GAY AGENDA, they squawk.

Oh, fuck it. Who cares? Go ahead, wax wroth over the pathetic imaginary enemies in your heads, you kooks.


  1. Reginald Selkirk says


    That seems very unlikely. I’ll bet Starbucks goes through millions of cups every single day.

  2. birgerjohansson says

    The cups all have an image of Lilith, mother of demons.
    One cup has an image of a pagan ungulate god

  3. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge says

    No one mention that the Starbucks logo is a nekkid human-animal hybrid…

    When your legs are fins, it’s hard to find pants that fit. Ask Daryl Hannah….

  4. davidnangle says

    Clearly, all conservatives will be outraged that there isn’t clear child pr0n depicted. It’s their new favorite thing, and they hate the “PC Police” for “arresting them” over just a little fun. Also, they hate the “PC” police arresting them for pedophilia.

  5. chuckonpiggott says

    @Damien75 #8. The holding hands are lesbian. Can’t you tell??
    Even though it appears one is Waldo.

  6. wcorvi says

    I was wondering what that elk was doing there. I mean, tree? – yep stolen. Snow? – unlikely in the Middle East. Elk? Pagan Ungulate god, of course! We just have to adapt.

  7. raven says

    I thought the elk was a moose.
    So what does a moose or elk have to do with the holidays?

    It’s probably a reindeer that pulls Santa’s sled.

  8. ajbjasus says

    @# 5

    No one mention that the Starbucks logo is a nekkid human-animal hybrid…

    Didn’t starbies have to remove her nipps a few years ago because those little ink dots were offending people ?

  9. ajbjasus says


    I’m sure they didn’t mean each and every cup is hand drawn, but the designs used to print the cups were.

    Gosh, what a silly chump that Reginald is !