By way of today’s Oglaf:
I thought, no way, that isn’t in the Bible. But it is! It’s all wrapped in prudish anti-sex nonsense, but if you just read Proverbs 7:10-20, it’s kind of a hot porn story. Unfortunately, it turns into a kind of horror story after Proverbs 7:21. The narrator is a sour old killjoy.
7 My son, keep my words
and store up my commands within you.
2 Keep my commands and you will live;
guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
3 Bind them on your fingers;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
and to insight, “You are my relative.”
5 They will keep you from the adulterous woman,
from the wayward woman with her seductive words.6 At the window of my house
I looked down through the lattice.
7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who had no sense.
8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.
11 (She is unruly and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)
13 She took hold of him and kissed him
and with a brazen face she said:14 “Today I fulfilled my vows,
and I have food from my fellowship offering at home.
15 So I came out to meet you;
I looked for you and have found you!
16 I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
18 Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning;
let’s enjoy ourselves with love!
19 My husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey.
20 He took his purse filled with money
and will not be home till full moon.”21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer[a] stepping into a noose[b]
23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.
Other than the grim ending, that sounds like a very good outline for a porn video. Thanks, Bible!
Now I’m wondering if perfuming the sheets with a hint of cinnamon wouldn’t be a bad idea.
If a hot young woman tried to hit on my 65 year old self, I would know for certain she was a shape-shifting kitsune.
“Everything About Japan’s Seductive Fox Demon in 27 minutes”
.https://youtube.com/watch?v=i7CLc768Btk
Crossposted with the infinite thread:
“A person posessed by a Kitsune acts weird and mostly surrounds himself with dumb people”. This explains Brit & American politics.
Aaw, I thought it’d be about foreskins. Prepuces.
Now I need to read up more Kitsune lore. My previous theory was that they were some kind of narcissistic fae. I’ll keep my cold iron on me, just in case.
Oglaf’s cartoon god says there’s no moral to the proverb, but it’s clearly a warning about women leading men into sin and thus to Hell. I bet the 18th-century fire-and-brimstone preachers loved to bellow this one from the pulpit.
No, Rich. A warning against women wasting their wiles on the unworthy, is what it is.
Remembering once seeing someone have a crisis online because he thought it was sinful and unmanly to love his wife.
There’s a word for that: uxorious, or excessive devotion to one’s wife.
There is no equivalent word for devotion to a man.
In 18th century colonial America, I think instead of cinnamon, they would have used grated nutmeg, due to availability. I say to try whatever is handy.
In 18th century colonial America, I think instead of cinnamon, they would have used grated nutmeg, due to availability. I say to try whatever is handy.
I don’t know why it posted twice. Sorry. I didn’t know that could happen.
My first job as a teenager was cleaning hotel rooms. Cinnamon and Myrrh could not be worse than rose petals. Once I don’t know how many roses died, had to be more than 1000 though, to make the petals for this couple. I do know it took 2 of us 2 extra hours to do a usually 1 hour clean. We were still finding the occasional dried up now potpourri months later and I doubt they ever got all the stains out of the blue stone tiled floor. Horrendous, and quickly banned.
And don’t go into politics; you’ll end up dead.
Proverbs really, really hates strange women… and children.
Wikipedia – Solomon
Um. I wanted context. I got it. https://www.oglaf.com/rubsalt/
I’m English. The only spice I have is pepper. Is that enough to attract feckless youths? I mean, I suppose I could tip, like, the whole pot of pepper onto the sheets.
Ezekiel 23:20
“Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.”
Now that would be great lyrics for a metal song!
Why did I just remember my girlfriend back in school with her bedroom walls painted black and the metal band posters on the walls? :-)
Ezekiel should have stuck to inspiring that charlatan, von Däniken.
Talking about babble sex: Onan.
His sin was refusing the levirate marriage obligation (Yibbum).
He denied his deceased brother an heir while greedily protecting his own inheritance.
Goddam it! The point was the internal ejaculation, not the coital prelude.
The seminal spillage itself was the bad thing.
(Those sperm were sacred!)
Cartomancer @ 14
We have something called pizza spice in the supermarket. Maybe I should test it…
“Other than the grim ending, that sounds like a very good outline for a porn video.”
Some horror B-films may fit the description.
Quote from Family Guy about Tinder dating.: “I don’t even know which of us is the murderer”.
The prophet Elisha at least offered the entertainment of bears slaughtering teenagers.
Am I the only one thinking of Star Trek here? I mean, it does feel insolent to compare Star Trek to the (nonsensical, violent, gross) bible, but I couldn’t defend myself against the association.
Imagines a rollerbed – like they have hotdogs on but larger and peopel sized and lower to the ground – made out of multiple cinnanomon logs thinking of the source of the spice..
See : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinnamon
I didn’t realize Melania was 2000 years old. Aged well and is still good at plying her trade.
It sounds better in the King James Version—the heightened language lends itself well to the Gothic horror plot.
https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Proverbs-Chapter-7/
Most spices are gritty and you will regret it just like sand from the beach getting into your swimsuit areas is regretful! This is clearly the perdition what they are talking about.
Get essential oils and diffuse them, or put a drop in a corner of your bed where you and your chosen partner are unlikely to roll. A little hard to choose that for me :)
@14 Cartomancer
“We conquered half the globe for spices and all we have left is some lousy pepper” could be a t-shirt.
“America’s Best Christian” explained babble marriage and sex quite succinctly:
It’s ancient erotic poetry, probably Canaanite (pre-Israelite). A lot of the early Israelite scriptures are far older than the Israelites, even if they existed in the Late Bronze Age. It probably slipped through the censors by being interpreted as a parable about being misled into a foreign religion that brings spiritual death! I read once that proverbs passed muster only because a rabbi managed to interpret proverbs as allegories, which other guardians of public morals accepted. Christian writers later used the same allegorical attacks on Christians mixing with/being misled by other religions or the “wrong” versions of Christianity. More likely they were all just dirty old men.
It may also relate to stories of Israelite leaders who banned their people having sex with women from outside the tribe. That played a role in more-modern times about white Christians having sex with dark-skinned pagans. And the earlier Catholic Church bans on Christian men having sex with Jews and Muslims. That’s when the Church’s Fourth Lateran Council in 1215 ordered Jews to wear symbols that identified them so Christians would not be misled. That is the ultimate origin of why European Christians in the 1930s and 40s ordered Jews to wear yellow Stars of David and prohibited Christian-Jewish marriages. We know where that went.
The Book of Proverbs is one of the more flippant books, even with traces of locker-room humor. Read the words of King Solomon:
Proverbs 27:14
He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.
Proverbs 30:19
There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I do not understand: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.
Proverbs 25:24
It is better to dwell in a corner of the roof, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 27:15
A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Not to ruin the joke (but, as an incense nerd, to totally ruin the joke): the perfuming was likely carried out by burning the spices on charcoal and allowing the smoke to run through the fabric. This practice is still used in West Asia and Africa to perfume clothing, linens, hair, and even the body. Sprinkling the spices on the bed also doesn’t make sense because, while powdered incense mixtures were and are used to perfume the body, or as a religious ablution, agarwood of anything but extremely high quality has little to no fragrance before it is burned or warmed.
That’s good to know — you’ve spared me the waste of dumping a bunch of ground cinnamon on the bed.
@ 30 ealloc
So basically, Solomon was the bible troll. X-D