It has come to pass that we are working with the Stevens Community Humane Society again, which means that they have foisted another hell-beast cat upon us to house.
This is she.
She is a young beast, all black with a white patch on her chest. She is very curious and there has been a little problem with getting her to sit still — she’s got our whole house to explore so she’s rushing about all the time. She will occasionally jump on me with her claws and bump her head against my chin while making curious throbbing noises — I think it’s the sound of the millstones of Hell grinding souls to a pulp, or something.
We’ve been closing the bedroom doors tightly at night to prevent her nefarious pouncing — I think she has evil plans — but by day, we might have to collude. My cunning brain and her predatory energy…we could take over the world, if one of us doesn’t stab the other in the back.
I am calling her Satanique. The humane society gave her the name Ivy, which you might prefer if you’d rather cloak her true nature. If you’d like to break up our wicked partnership before our plans reach fruition, or if you think you need a partner in crime of your very own, contact the Stevens Community Humane Society. Tell them you want the black-furred agent code-named Ivy that is holed up in the Myers safehouse. They might be able to arrange something.
Uh-oh. I’m trapped! She has leapt onto my lap and is refusing to leave. Also, she’s making that terrifying soul-grinding noise in her throat again. Am I going to die here? I’ve got work to do!
Taking over the world with a black cat? Whoever heard of such a thing? No, what you want is a white cat, then we’ll have reason to fear your imminent takeover….
HA HA HA!!! You will be holed up with FOUR hellbeasts tonight!
I’M DOOOOOMED.
I can hear Coyne chuckling from Chicago, and I’m in Milwaukee.
She looks, and sounds a bit like the two young cats James Nicholl currently has running around his place, Fig and Ibid, who are apparently littermates. Of course they live some distance away from you, so it’s unlikely they’re related to this one. Here’s James latest post on Ibid: http://james-nicoll.livejournal.com/4590163.html
KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY
Oh god, the exploring. The little blighters get everywhere, up to and including sinks, bathtubs, cupboards and fridges is you aren’t careful.
Indeed. My hell-beast would feign affection by nuzzling in my neck. Then she would make that sound. I think it’s a threat to keep me in line.
Nothing wrong with Ivy. Perfectly respectable name for a hellbeast.
My daughter’s cat Onyx could be her brother, her derpy, suck-on-his-own-nipple brother. He is more circumspect about laps though, five minutes is good for him.
Awwww!
Well, she can hardly leave them behind. Sheesh, I dunno.
Oh, and the grinding sound is an indicator that she has activated her feline Somnolence Field. Few can escape it. My oldest cat can deploy it in seconds, and it can encompass all the occupants–human, feline, and canine–on the sofa in one go.
Oh, and can you give her a scratch behind the ears from me, please? Thanks!
She will attempt to drain you of all body heat. They do this, despite the unexpected result that both of you get warmer and more comfortable.
You reject the notion of god and other supernatural entities, but the mere presence of a cat gets you to start blathering on and on and on about Hell and ground up souls and Satan.
Been there, do that.
We have a rescue dog, this huge black beast of indeterminate DNA, perhaps a Border Collie and Ankita mix. He looks like the prototype huge black beast from heck, but he’s actually milder than mild. An occasional woof when he wants to be let in. Never a nip or bite even when annoyed by youngsters.
We also take take in another twice-abandoned dog when their owners need to get away. This one is a small Pomeranian cloud of terror, who is terrified of doorbells and door clicks and spends most of her time under the bed yipping and shredding Kleenex.
I suspect it’s our cross to bear– slightly-off people end up responsible for slightly-off animals.
She looks like she’s hungry for some zebrafish.
Just sayin’…
AWWW – I love black cats. We’ve had several in our family over the years.
The hubby is owned by a spoiled rotten Maine Coon now who insists upon being held upside down like a baby and being rocked while getting a tummy rub as soon as hubby gets home from work.
Watch out PZ – this sweetheart will worm her way into your heart.
BTW- It is obvious that PZ doth protest too much and in truth LOVES cats!
Am I going to die here?
No.
I’ve got work to do!
You’re not going to do that either.
YAY fuzzle! 8D
Black cats are the best. My beloved Mistoffelees (Moff for short), who lived to be 14, looked just like this: yellow eyes, white patch on the chest. My sister now has an identical cat named Bear.
She looks like she’s hungry for some zebrafish.
“Fed to cat” is probably not an acceptable method of euthanasia of extraneous lab animals.
@dianne #22 – “Fed to cat” is probably not an acceptable method of euthanasia of extraneous lab animals.
Can you imagine PETA’s head spinning on that one?
Did someone just say this monster is going to give me heartworms?
Come over to the dark side, PZ, we have
catshell-beasts (and cookies).All your anti-feline blather, then you go and prove that you’re just a softy.
.
.
.
.
About time.
Oh, what a slippery slope.
First, PZ begins posting pictures of his precious kitty-wittums. Next, he’s going to go all brain-mushy and become some Stedmanesque faitheist. That’s what cat’s do.
Sure, laugh about the demonic contract into which you have placed your household. Just do not stem the sacrificial flow of little ground-up bits of dead animal flesh to her, lest you discover the true purpose of those thin scythe-shaped protuberances she keeps retracted in her deceptively cute furry little paws.
Just remember… when she starts to knead with her paws, she’s not being sweet.
She’s tenderizing.
And I thought I was the only person that gave the 4 legged devil spawn’s names more befitting their true nature.
Oh A**hole, here kitty, kitty, kitty.
See? You DO love the kittehs! I was right!
*runs to find Coyne*
The only entirely black cat I’ve ever known was in fact a hellcat. It viciously attacked any person or beast that dared to walk past the house in which its equally evil owner lived. That evil person would sit on his porch and laugh like a person possessed whenever anyone walked by, unaware of the attack-to-come. Neighbors called the police on this fool, to no avail. One day the evil cat mysteriously disappeared.
I was a bit surprised–but guess I shouldn’t have been–to hear that black cats actually have lower adoption rates in US shelters, at least. Superstition is the general guess as to why.
I don’t have room for another cat right now. One of our two (Thelma; her sister is Louise) is, in fact, sitting on the table right next to the machine I’m typing this on, and those two are more than enough…
But if I did, I’d totally be interviewing the black ones, first. It may be just random, but every black cat I’ve known at all has been quite personable*. Also, apparently, they may need it more. And finally, hey, they go with everything.
(*/Or catable. Whatevs.)
Pretty much any time I observe kitty headbutts, I assume the cat’s inner monologue is something along these lines
(… also, I think I’d try to get in the habit of referring to it as ‘my familiar’. Should be good for laughs around certain of the superstitious and nervous, I figure.)
The one to the left is Lilith, she who refused to submit to Adam. It was a real treat when they introduced Lilith into True Blood. Love kitties!!!
Ink and Smoky are getting old at my place… but one more cat would put us over the limit for my apartment, I’m afraid. I miss when Ink was a lithe and spooky young black thing like yours. :)
AJ:
Out of our five cats, 4 of them are solid black. The remaining cat, Elvis, is a tuxedo, mostly black.
I’m looking to move into an apartment next semester. If my roommate’s down with it, I’ll likely be adopting a black kitty… I love them…
Some biologist… That is done in the chest, not the throat, which is why humans can’t manage it. ;)
Professor Ceiling Cat will be most pleased. His purrfect plans are working.
Kagehi:
My husband does a most impressive purr, and he’s used it to good effect, in calming kittens down and so forth.
For a
smalllarge donation of cheeses, MUSHROOMS!, and moar cheeses, the mildly deranged penguin will teach Hadescat better ways of accomplishing her goals, mostly involving high-speed launches from a trebuchet.If demand more pictures of this cat.
If my demands are not met, I will stop reading this blog.. forever.
I have an adorable (and not very bright) black cat with a white spot on his chest and pebbles in his brain.
Beware! This may be a conspiracy! Ever heard of the Ivy League? This could be a taloned scout.
Be Very Careful.
Awwwwww!
Who’s a cute little Hellbeast? You are, that’s who!
Most of my kittehs have been black, or mostly black.
–
She definitely looks like she could be my Sputnik’s twin. They both have a charmingly evil look.
Well, some people can do a fair mimicry of it, but it still doesn’t work the same way for us as it does for cats, which is why we can’t exactly sustain it over a long period, where a cat…
She looks a lot like my Fizzgig. He’s also mostly black, with three white spots underneath at throat, chest, and crotch. He, too, attempts the Somnolence Field with anybody who sits still for more than two minutes.
Was it here that I first came across the description of tuxedo cats as ‘incomplete medial melanization’? On second thought, probably not.
We have two, both tuxedos. The (un-)male is determined to claw through every wooden support structure in the house, so he’s seriously evil. He’s a hand-me-down cat who was trained to put his paws on a shoulder as if he were a human baby being burped. He too will accept being cradled on his back in your arms. This because there were two young girls who treated him like a furry doll in his previous home and may explain his evil ways with wood.
Being highly superstitious, (Dad’s a preacher) they named him Lucky to compensate for his blackness.
Both of my present animals looked like black cats in the catalog,
but the older one has a large russet patch on her back, visible in
sunlight, while the younger, large one has developed a frosted
appearance. For the sake of all concerned, I hope someone
steps forward to take this Satanique off your hands before
there is trouble.
HEY MODS
Maybe check whether to get Rid’a that ‘Bot? ^^^^
Just a little bit ago I was leaning back in my favorite chair snoozle position when the neighbor’s tabby jumped on to the window sill I was resting my head against. That grinding sound you speak of was going full tilt, and there was much rubbing of kitty face against cheek so I knew there was trouble. I got up looked out the window and there was a skunk eating out of the cat’s food dish in the carport next door. Long story short, kitty got yummy chicken liver and a vacation at mi casa, cheaper than breathing skunk at twice the price.
So, how many percent has this post increased traffic here today? 25? 50?
YEY fostering! I have a veritable herd of fosters right now, 7 to be precise. Six of them are a litter of 9 week olds that are so damn cute I end up spontaneously squee-ing every time I walk into the bathroom where they live right now. The 7th is a 10 year old deaf, arthritic torbie with traumatic brain injury and kidney failure who is just the sweetest crotchety old cat ever. I adore her. And she is obviously enjoying having her every whim indulged. She’s technically a palliative care/hospice foster although she is available for adoption.
So, if anyone in Austin is looking for adorable hell beasts, hit me up through Austin Pets Alive!
“…bump her head against my chin while making curious throbbing noises…”
It’s definitely over now. That means you are hers.
My son the ex-vet tech says when they rub their jaw on something it means “It’s mine” but when they bump their heads on someone it means “You’re mine”.
You may be in trouble, there, PZ.
Has she started supervising yet?
When we got our current (black) cat from the shelter we learned that they won’t adopt out black cats in October. Some people apparently want black cats for their rituals on Holloween. That is a sad commentary on what some people are capable of.
Gregory in Seattle @ 15
Cats will do that to you.
PZ – if you are going to go all spiritual, get out of Dodge and pray like Hell for a Kimberlite eruption directly under your house. You will be freed of the Hellspawn in an appropriately fiery manner, and the mineral rights will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Blacks cats are the best. We have Larry, The Best Cat in America TM. I wish all other could have a Larry.
Here’s how to get your evil mojo back.
We adopted a 5-month old solid black kitten last month. The shelter thought his name was Batman, but they turned out to be wrong about that. It turned out to be Lord Regulus Alpha Leonis, nommer of souls. Although “nommer of toes” is a bit more accurate these days. He also makes that noise very loudly, mostly when I am trying to sleep. Otherwise he’s usually tearing around the house.
White cats are no good for evil overlords, because they’ll shed white fur on your black cloak, and an evil overlord caught using a lint roller is hardly a threatening image. Definitely go with a black one.
Methinks the shelter people may have gotten the name right – Poison Ivy. They’re all evil bloody things…
Going by the photograph and the description, that is my cat Ninja.
How she’s managing to commute from Scotland to Minnesota every day I’ve no idea, but she never tells me anything.
Cats are proof that intelligent design is nonsense since no intelligent designer would have made them. Just sayin’.
The package has been delivered. I repeat, the package has been delivered. Initiate protocol MindSweep. I repeat, initiate protocol MindSweep.