When you ain’t got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose
You’re invisible now, you’ve got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel (x2)
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
By a rolling stone?
Anrisays
“Jesus? Do I look like someone from around here to you?“
John, I told you not to let me sleep until noon again…
autumnsays
I remember partying with the gang, made a bad joke about the wine being blood. . . And now where the hell am I?
Peter was right, Jerusalem is a fucking awesome city!
Cholmondely Haberdashsays
“Call for Mr. Indiana Jones?
Mr. Jones?”
Pierce R. Butlersays
This artist hasn’t read the story: Zombie Jesus rolled that rock away – and stalked out (of the hole where they’d dumped his carcass about 36 hours before) upon the unsuspecting city of Jerusalem – before the sun came up.
I’ve drawn an exquisitely detailed, biblically-correct miniature of the scene here: •
The sun on the meadow is summery warm
The stag in the forest runs free
But gathered together to greet the storm
Tomorrow belongs to me
The branch on the linden is leafy and green
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea (Gold to the sea)
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen
Tomorrow belongs to me
Now Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign
Your children have waited to see
The morning will come
When the world is mine
Tomorrow belongs to me
Tomorrow belongs to me
Tomorrow belongs to me
Tomorrow belongs to me
Hammer of dogsays
[voice of god]”Um.. son.. this is kind of embarrassing… but could you do that whole passion thing again? I forgot to put film in the camera.”
I will use my mighty power of time travel to make a fortune selling bleach and razor blades to ancient two-bit hustlers! What could go wrong with that plan?
Today, I overheard a comment from a Portuguese woman while seeing the TV series ‘The Bible’: Oh this Jesus is so handsome! And he is even a Portuguese boy!
Today, I overheard a comment from a Portuguese woman while seeing the TV series ‘The Bible’: Oh this Jesus is so handsome! And he is even a Portuguese boy!
:laughs: Priceless.
No Onesays
“Ha ha, very funny… *fucking apostles*”
Abu Iksandersays
“Not many people know what their life’s worth is. I do. Seventy grand. That’s what they took from me. And that’s what I was going to get back.”
“You’d think after three days of lying on my back, I would have given up any idea of getting even, just be a nice guy and call it a day. Nice guys are fine: you have to have somebody to take advantage of… but they always finish last.”
pacalsays
Jesus: “That was some weekend!!”
Alex the Pretty Goodsays
Got hammered two days ago, only wakes up now.
Truly a Great Friday.
Abu Iksander, either you have some rather serious issues or you’re just really bad at this captioning stuff.
broboxley OTsays
Okay boss, I hid the golden plates now what?
DonDueedsays
“What brain-dead hobbit designed a ROUND door for a rectangular doorway?”
Larry Poppinssays
Kenny Loggins ruins Easter
carliesays
All at once I’ve had enough
As if I’m made of sterner stuff
I take a breath and open up the door
Dawn breaks hard and falls on me
For just one moment I can see
The pale blue sky
I close my eyes because
The world’s so bright and beautiful I have to look away
Braced against the beauty of another perfect day
As I go to pieces and the breeze blows me away
One more blue sunny day…
cagsays
Billy Jesus here for Michael Jackson Miracle Whitener. You too can look like me, just send $19.95 for the Miracle Whitener, but wait, if you call within the next 10 minutes we will double your offer. Be twice as white, just pay extra shipping and handling. Don’t miss out, call now, 666 666 6666.
Abu Iksander’s pulling in Mel Gibson lines from Payback (and I’m kinda shamed to know that). I guess Passion of the Christ reminded him of that Gibson masterpiece.
My caption:
Just as long as we’re clear. You’ve got the cleaning bill since I have to keep the holes in my hands and side for that asshole Thomas Didymus.
Abu Iksander’s pulling in Mel Gibson lines from Payback (and I’m kinda shamed to know that). I guess Passion of the Christ reminded him of that Gibson masterpiece.
Oh. Never saw that. Chris, thank you too.
Loftysays
Use new “Smugly” washing powder, makes everything come out whiter than whitey.
Beatrice (looking for a happy thought)says
“Is “blindingly white” a bit too much? It is, isn’t it?”
My FB page is full of Easter cheer this morning from some Southern relatives: various images of Jesus plus a wealth of threatening pro-gun posters. Interesting isn’t it?
anuransays
#72 robro – Mine has some of the Easter cheer, lots of joyfully blasphemous images and a lot of stuff about candy. We obviously have rather different friends
Is this open thread the place to admit that I found it pretty depressing when I looked at my facebook feed this morning and saw otherwise sensible people posting explicitly religious statuses. People who you know must battle cognitive dissonance every single day to continue to hold these ridiculous beliefs in their minds alongside their other more rational thoughts. I kid you not, I have a friend who is a biologist working in DNA/evolutionary research at a prestigious university who posted this morning, “Christ is risen! He is truly risen!” It just leaves me baffled and wondering do I even know these people? AHHH…anyone else?
Acolyte of Sagansays
…or;
For a qualified carpenter, Jesus always had a problem making doors fit…
“It’s the millstone miracle door! Comes complete with a track kit, easy to assemble! This door can withstand anything! Order yours now, 500 easy payments of 100 shekels, and shipping costs! Don’t delay!”
chigau (not my real name)says
niftyatheist
You know, there are two open threads…
SteveVsays
Abu Iksander’s pulling in Mel Gibson Lee Marvin lines from Payback Point Blank.
Sigh: I’m getting old.
athycosays
MattG @….oh my fsm…86:
I was just mostly dead.
“And unlike Westly, I actually did say, ‘To blaaaaaaaaave.'”
chigau (not my real name)says
huh
He does look a bit like Kenny Loggins.
ChasCPetersonsays
“Barkeep! Another Rolling Rock!
Put it on my Dad’s tab.”
This artist hasn’t read the story: Zombie Jesus rolled that rock away…
Well, that depends on which version of the story you go by. Mark, Luke and John tell it as you say (about the only thing they agree on in their accounts), but Matthew says an angel rolled the stone away after the women arrived. What’s really neat is that the tomb was already empty, so either Jesus ghosted out, or he replaced the stone after crawling out.
No explanation of why the roman guards (if they were there, accounts differ again) didn’t notice that the very corpse they were guarding got up and walked away.
“Man, I don’t want to apparate home, last time I splinched myself.”
UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human formsays
“Man, I can’t wait till the 1970s. Everybody’s gonna want to look like this.”
procyonsays
Stalactites hold tight to the cieling
procyonsays
ceiling
Nichodeemoussays
Pictured: Jesus “Harold” Christ, Cleric of Yahveh, strikes a confident pose before entering the demilich Acererak’s fabled Tomb of Horrors. He was never seen again.
…if Jesus was a carpenter, why is having wood sinful?
Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)says
Also, people keep calling Jesus a zombie, but we know he was a vampire – he rose from the dead after being buried and drinking his blood makes you more like him!
“For I am every dead thing…I am re-begot of absence, darknesse, death; things which are not.”
ednazsays
Abu Iksander @ 40
I told her I’d stop killing if she quit hooking.
I think we were aiming high.
Crudely Wrottsays
Awake to the Zest of New Life!
Erzatz Brothers Sleep Products introduces the Solid Stone Mattress!
“You’ll sleep as Peacefully as the Dead and wake up to New Life!
Guaranteed,* accept no substitutes.
*see fine print for multiple disclaimers
ottotellicksays
Okay, the trap door, the lever, the food and water, the sh*t hole — everything checks out. Let’s go ahead with the arrest and “crucifixion”. (You better be sure the guards are going to have the right “nails”!) And let’s not have nobody else get “buried” in here before I do – that would be awkward. Now, who did you say is fronting the money this gig, and when do I get my cut?
“Has anybody got any aspirin, please? Got the worst hangover, ever.”
Alex the Pretty Goodsays
“I’m not dead yet!”
OS: “Oh quit whining. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”
—-
Meta – though it isn’t my first language, I always liked the French mnenomic:
stalacMites Montent
stalacTites Tombent
rqsays
I can never find the Big Dipper…
Didaktylossays
I told you I wouldn’t be seen dead in this neighbourhood …
shelldiggersays
Whadaya mean I have to “earn” a black belt? Im frickin Jesus!!
Gregory Greenwoodsays
“Well, that is the final practice run for my escapology act done. I will have to get around to writing up my notes about how I do it; having a bespoke tomb with hidden counterweights to roll back that stone built, faking a crucifiction and paying off the local officials to claim I was dead – it was a master stroke, if I do say so myself.
Nah, I’ll get round to it later. Even if I forget, what’s the worst that could happen? I mean, you would have to be a total fool to actually think this resurrection business is real…”
Brother Ogvorbis, Fully Defenestrated Emperor of Steam, Fire and Absurditysays
“Jesus Christ! Get your grubby hand off the wall. I spent all day yesterday washing the walls and now you put your grubby mitts on it. grumble, grumble, grumble”
“Sorry, Mom.”
dalestanbroughsays
Stalactites – c for ceiling
Stalagmites – g for ground
clayhalesays
“So the last thing I remember is walking into that Roman hotel with some nails and asking them to put me up for the night.”
Brother Ogvorbis, Fully Defenestrated Emperor of Steam, Fire and Absurditysays
Damnit. I’m not going to law school. I got nailed on my boards!
AlanMacsays
Jesus ? Yes that’s what they used to call me, Jesus the Grey. I am Jesus the White!
randaysays
This isn’t what I expected when I booked my vacation in Norway.
Blake Stacey, try Mark Twain’s version. The beginning: “Mine eyes have seen the orgy of the launching of the Sword;
He is searching out the hoardings where the stranger’s wealth is stored;
He hath loosed his fateful lightnings, and with woe and death has
scored;
His lust is marching on.
DLCsays
:singing:: “Always look on the bright side of Death ”
or
New and Improved Jesus, now with Whitening!
or
“Man, I’ve been Punked! “
Eurasian magpiesays
“All’alba vincerò! Vincerò! Vincerò!”
great1american1satansays
“You moved the headstones, but you didn’t move the bodies!”
“Back up in yo ass with tha Resurrection!”
Can I make a joke that isn’t a pop culture reference? Hm…
With apologies to Gary Larson: “I feel like I’ve been dead for three days”. Stolen from a panel he did that his editors thought maybe wouldn’t go over too well; he only published it in “A Prehistory of the Far Side”.
FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist)says
“Fucking cops! Calm dude, just keep calm. They can’t see shit from up there. Gotta remember to score Judas a couple of bags, putting the op back there was fucking genius.”
dcg1says
Reply to 8) by PZ Myers
Forgive him father, for calling people who dwell in desert countries “ragheads”.
Even the Athiests are embarrassed by his presence in their ranks. They want to get rid of the mysogenists first however, before they start on racist bigotry and language.
mikeclinesays
crazy ass falsetto… “well you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m a woman’s man no time to talk”
Gregory Greenwoodsays
dcg1 @ 179;
Forgive him father
Sorry, we don’t recognise undetectable phantasms as paternal relatives ’round these parts.
…for calling people who dwell in desert countries “ragheads”.
I think you need to consider the context of this comment. While I can see why you find the use of that term offensive, I am pretty sure PZ was referencing the brutal and unjustified (and clearly at least partially religiously motivated) violence of the illegal wars faught in the Middle East. Wars with a very toxic racist undertone initiated by former President Bush – a man who literally saw himself as the red right hand of his god – and fought in part by an American military infamously riddled with christian religious extremism – hence jesus calling in the flamethrowers.
Even the Athiests are embarrassed by his presence in their ranks.
Citation needed. You do realise that ‘atheists’ aren’t some single, unitary movement, right? We come in all manner of political affiliations and social philosophies. PZ most certainly has opponenets within atheism, but most of them are reactionary misogynist bigots who despise PZ for his progressive attitudes and the stand he has taken against sexism, or hardcore libertarians who hate anyone who doesn’t worship at the altar of the invisible hand of the free market.
They want to get rid of the mysogenists first however, before they start on racist bigotry and language.
The ‘atheist movement’ (in so far as there is such a thing) certainly has a deep rooted problem with misogyny that requires (and is beginning to receive) urgent attention, and it is equally true that a movement that is still predominantly made up of White middle class men also has problems with discrimination along other axes, including racism. However, racist bigotry is not tolerated on Pharyngula – PZ was mocking the attitude of religiously motivated racism, not endorsing it.
ChasCPetersonsays
so…looks like we’ll all be keeping the day jobs, then.
“Man what a weekend. Managed to lose 3 days and Judas… Ah well, YOLO.”
(And never let me use that awful work ever again. This is what Jesus makes me do *shudders*)
chigau (not my real name)says
” I prefer Dos Equis.”
UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human formsays
“Why yes, I use Clorox bleach to make my whites whiter.”
Brother Ogvorbis, Fully Defenestrated Emperor of Steam, Fire and Absurditysays
He once died for three days. Just to find out what it was like.
UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human formsays
L’oreal. Because you’re worth it.
diannesays
“Don’t even bother. I’ve already found all the eggs the Easter bunny left in there.”
stevemsays
re everyone:
great captions all around, applause, bravo.
I apologize for this brief interruption but I must throw out my long standing nitpicky objection to this “holy day”. 3 days? 3 days? when did we count nights as days? He “died” on Friday(evening) and “rose” on Sunday(morning). So how is Saturday 3 days. oh, 1)Friday night, 2)Saturday, 3)Saturnight. bah humbug, is their counting of years equally aberrant? Is that why they say Noah lived 600 years when they counted each month as a year? (or somesuch)
Dude, you’re trying to get logic out of the Bugs Bunny-Road Runner Hour. Don’t do that, some religidiot will mistake your confusion for a genuine need to know. If that happens you’ll never get the bastards off your doorstep.
OK Cephas, that’s stocked for a weekend party, now I’m ready for my crucifixion. What, what do you mean they crucified Brian?
3 days? when did we count nights as days?
They counted the start of the day from sun set, so that is :
Day 1 – Thursday evening -> Friday (Death)
Day 2 – Friday evening -> Saturday
Day 3 – Saturday evening -> Sunday (He rose on the third day)
chigau (not my real name)says
stevem
Jesus was dead for portions of three days.
and the myth doesn’t say “72 hours later”, it says “on the third day”.
Subtract Hominemsays
“Nope. I can still lift it. Hey dad! Bigger rock!”
chigau (not my real name)says
Thursday is not involved.
he died on Friday before sunset – Friday
dead all day – Saturday
still dead Saturday sunset – Sunday
moarscienceplzsays
stevem,
Apparently, you’ve never read a brochure for a vacation resort.
“Silly rabbis, death is for kids! Yeah, Passover sure is a hoot. Hey Magdalene, cue up that Freddie Mercury song from Highlander. What? Oh, never mind.
♫♪ I am immortal, I have inside me blood of Kings. No man can be my equal! ♪♫
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Silly rabbis, death is for kids! Yeah, Passover sure is a hoot. Hey Magdalene, cue up that Freddie Mercury song from Highlander. What? Oh, never mind.
♫♪ I am immortal, I have inside me blood of Kings. No man can be my equal! ♪♫
So that is how jebus survived crucifiction and being stabbed with a spear…
There can be only one!
;-P
carliesays
Where the hell did he get the clothes?
That was in one of the translations of Matthew 28: “He has linen, just as he said.”
Tom J – There can be only one!!!
carliesays
That’s it, Gregory! Draw your sword!
macallansays
“I got better”
Michaelsays
“Hey guys, I just had a great idea for a sci-fi show. It’s set in a space station which will be the last best hope for peace…since I kinda sucked at it.”
Owlmirrorsays
Damn, but the geometry of that tomb is definitely non-Euclidian. And he looks like he’s dressed as a cultist. He’s clearly been resurrected by ancient arcane science.
I bet 5 bucks pieces of silver that inside is a shrine to Dogon with runes scribed in Old Enochian, and that an eldritch breeze blows from inside the cave system carrying the faint batrachian sound of voices of a lost elder race chanting in an unspeakable ritual to an ancient cyclopean god.
…for calling people who dwell in desert countries “ragheads”.
“I think you need to consider the context of this comment. While I can see why you find the use of that term offensive.”
That was the whole point of my post!! .
As for citations: you make a lot of assumptions about motive with no evidence. I’m an atheist and find the casual use of racist language by privledged white middle class males both offensive and embarrassing!.
It should not be used!!!!
Acolyte of Sagansays
“Yes, I have bleached my skin. You don’t think the ‘merkins are gonna accept a brown saviour, do you?”
Howlin' Wolfsays
Jesus leaves the safe house so that now he could go into the witness protection program after testifying against the Roman Mafia.
Rich Woodssays
“You want to use the cave next? Sure. But I’d give it a minute, if I were you.”
macallansays
“I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking tomb!”
weldonribeyesays
“No, I’m not wearing underwear, and, yes, I did just wake up. Is it that obvious?”
shelldiggersays
“Oh….the quarter goes in the slot” “I feel stupid”
Howlin' Wolfsays
Lance: You are not bringing this fucked-up bitch into my cave!
Vincent: This fucked-up bitch is Marsellus Wallace’s wife! Do you know who Marsellus Wallace is? Do you? If she croaks on me, I’m a fuckin’ greasespot!
tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderachsays
I have a friend who is a biologist working in DNA/evolutionary research at a prestigious university who posted this morning, “Christ is risen! He is truly risen!”
D’ough!
fastlanesays
What day is it? Oh, I guess that was a good friday then.
If it were a Great Friday, I woulda been out at least two more days. Now, someone get me a bloody Mary. (No offense mum.)
ChasCPetersonsays
“You want to use the cave next? Sure. But I’d give it a minute, if I were you.”
Jesus emerged from the tomb with a bit of a chip on his shoulder.
azpaul3says
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT THE HELL I JUST WENT THROUGH?!
YOU INSENSITIVE MOTHERFUCKIN ….
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKIN HURTS?!
god damn prick
Shane Streetsays
The sun on the meadow is summery warm
The stag in the forest runs free
Jesus Christ! It’s only Saturday!
No go the fuck to sleep!
Acolyte of Sagansays
“And I, Jesus Son of God, declare unto you that everything I say will be true for all eternity……or until the Gnu Atheists turn up, whichever comes first”.
natashatashasays
“Screw this, two days to respawn?!”
mickllsays
Today’s Sunday School lesson, Jesus emerges from the closet…
So you’re sure a portrait will convince them? Christ, I should’ve asked dad for a camera phone.
gakxz1says
“You can tell the good messiahs from the bad by their pose. I call this my number 7.”
joanimalsays
when did we count nights as days?
Ever since the hotel industry marketed 3 day weekends as starting at 2pm friday and ending at 11am sunday, which if I have done the math correctly is less than 48 hours.
Wait a second… the hotel industry didn’t exist… the means Jesus invented the 3 days is less than 48 hours hotel standard. That bastard!
And I was trying to point out that PZ was deliberately mocking the attitude of religiously motivated racism. Accusing him of the very form of bigotry he is so clearly lampooning seems a tad unreasonable.
As for citations: you make a lot of assumptions about motive with no evidence.
Do I indeed – care to provide some examples? Remember; I have been commenting here for some time, and am already aware of PZ’s stance on the issue of racism. I characterise his outlook the way I do for good reason – can you say the same?
I’m an atheist and find the casual use of racist language by privledged white middle class males both offensive and embarrassing!
It should not be used!!!!
Not even with the obvious intent to mock that prejudiced attitude and those who hold it? Context cannot simply be ignored to bolster your point here, however much animus you hold for PZ.
I also find it curious that as a self declared atheist, you open your post @ 179 with the words;
Forgive him father
That wouldn’t be a freudian slip, now would it…?
I would also point out that in your original post @ 179 you wrote;
Even the Athiests are embarrassed by his presence in their ranks.
(Emphasis added)
This clearly suggests that atheists as a notional group – or at least such a substantial portion of atheists that their opinion can be taken as indicative of the view of the broad sweep of atheism – find PZ ’embarrassing’. This is hardly the same thing as simply stating your own personal opinion.
Also, the use of the term ‘the atheists’ clearly positions atheism as a group with which you do not identify, else you would have written ‘we atheists’, ‘other atheists’, the ‘broader atheist movement’ or some such, and yet in your very next post you claim to be an atheist. What are we to make of this?
If you are an artheist as you claim, do not presume to speak for the rest of us. If you are not, then I would suggest that your time and effort may be better spent elsewhere.
Briansays
No, no, it’s “Stalagmites might reach the ceiling.
See? Mnemonics suck.
Only if you pick sucky mnemonics! The mnemonic I was taught was:
Stalagmites grow on the ground.
Stalactites grow on the ceiling.
On Old Olympus’ Towering Tops, Stalagmites Can Flirt And Other Queer Stalactites Just Brought Us Nine Pickles.
chigau (not my real name)says
Chris #239
notes on a clavichord?
cranial nerves?
Egyptian dynasties?
the ingredients in the ultimate pizza sauce?
Mnemonics suck.
thumper1990says
“Psst! Judas! Are… are they gone? Did they buy it? PfffftBWAhahahaha! Oh… Oh, dude, give Longinus a bell; let’s hit a bar, see how long it takes these morons to work it out…”
thumper1990says
“…It got better.”
(a shiny interent for anyone who can tell me what film I’m referencing)
Loftysays
SORRY DAD, CENTRAL CASTING CALLED.
la tricoteusesays
thumper1990 @#242 isn’t it “I got better”? (She turned me into a newt!)
Blake Stacey says
“Mine eyes have seen the glory hole becoming of the Lord … He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword…”
Ulysses says
My robes become dazzling white with new Miracle® detergent.
lockwooddewitt says
http://thefrogman.me/post/46767291319/on-a-dark-and-stormy-friday-way-back-in-the-year
ChasCPeterson says
When you ain’t got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose
You’re invisible now, you’ve got no secrets to conceal.
How does it feel (x2)
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
By a rolling stone?
Anri says
“Jesus? Do I look like someone from around here to you?“
WMDKitty -- Survivor says
Still not a ginger. Oh well, at least the chameleon circuit is working this time.
chigau (not my real name) says
Oh my head.
I’m never drinking Judas’s wine again.
Why am I wearing a kimono?
PZ Myers says
“Clear! No ragheads hiding in this cave! But bring in the flamethrower to be sure.”
sidhe3141 says
John, I told you not to let me sleep until noon again…
autumn says
I remember partying with the gang, made a bad joke about the wine being blood. . . And now where the hell am I?
Peter was right, Jerusalem is a fucking awesome city!
Cholmondely Haberdash says
“Call for Mr. Indiana Jones?
Mr. Jones?”
Pierce R. Butler says
This artist hasn’t read the story: Zombie Jesus rolled that rock away – and stalked out (of the hole where they’d dumped his carcass about 36 hours before) upon the unsuspecting city of Jerusalem – before the sun came up.
I’ve drawn an exquisitely detailed, biblically-correct miniature of the scene here: •
Rob Grigjanis says
Don’t let the stone hit your arse on the way out.
carlie says
Bio-Dome: the prequel.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“See? I told you that con would be easy to pull off. Just have to hide for a day or two before heading home.”
Rip Steakface says
“Finally managed to crawl out of that dungeon. Let’s check what new gear I’ve picked up…”
moarscienceplz says
“THREE DAYS and still no paramedics!”
Goodbye Enemy Janine says
Smells like something crawled up my ass and died.
moarscienceplz says
“I’m sorry sir, we are out of the ’25 Lambrusco, but we do have an excellent Chianti.”
moarscienceplz says
“Is it stalagmites or stalactites that hang from the ceiling?”
robro says
“Excuse me, guys, but I’m going to the loo. I’ll be out in a few millennia.”
timothya1956 says
Three days I’ve been gone and you clowns can’t invent an axle?
Susannah says
“What a dump! They even stole my sandals!”
Chris Clarke says
“Dopey dopey doh… aw, fuck: my shadow. Six more millennia of patriarchy, everybody.”
Jonathan Hartley says
“WTF? I went in as a Palestinian Jew and came out as a white European Christian”.
Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says
“I’m the champion of hide and go seek, LOSERS! “
PZ Myers says
Breaks into song:
The sun on the meadow is summery warm
The stag in the forest runs free
But gathered together to greet the storm
Tomorrow belongs to me
The branch on the linden is leafy and green
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea (Gold to the sea)
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen
Tomorrow belongs to me
Now Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign
Your children have waited to see
The morning will come
When the world is mine
Tomorrow belongs to me
Tomorrow belongs to me
Tomorrow belongs to me
Tomorrow belongs to me
Hammer of dog says
[voice of god]”Um.. son.. this is kind of embarrassing… but could you do that whole passion thing again? I forgot to put film in the camera.”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Jonathan Hartley:
Hahahahahahahaha.
chigau (not my real name) says
PZ
tsk
Really early in the thread for a Godwin.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“The hills are aliiiiiiiiiive with sound of…”
*runs away*
R Johnston says
I will use my mighty power of time travel to make a fortune selling bleach and razor blades to ancient two-bit hustlers! What could go wrong with that plan?
Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says
*shudder*
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Beatrice:
:points finger: PZ started it!
Carlos Cabanita says
Today, I overheard a comment from a Portuguese woman while seeing the TV series ‘The Bible’: Oh this Jesus is so handsome! And he is even a Portuguese boy!
dobby says
“OK, you are supposed to yell ‘April fool’ now.”
Chris Clarke says
“Bloody hell. That obnoxious white dove is hogging the feeder again.”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Carlos:
:laughs: Priceless.
No One says
“Ha ha, very funny… *fucking apostles*”
Abu Iksander says
“Not many people know what their life’s worth is. I do. Seventy grand. That’s what they took from me. And that’s what I was going to get back.”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
No One:
Hahahahaha. Have a cookie.
Abu Iksander says
“You’d think after three days of lying on my back, I would have given up any idea of getting even, just be a nice guy and call it a day. Nice guys are fine: you have to have somebody to take advantage of… but they always finish last.”
pacal says
Jesus: “That was some weekend!!”
Alex the Pretty Good says
Got hammered two days ago, only wakes up now.
Truly a Great Friday.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Abu Iksander, either you have some rather serious issues or you’re just really bad at this captioning stuff.
broboxley OT says
Okay boss, I hid the golden plates now what?
DonDueed says
“What brain-dead hobbit designed a ROUND door for a rectangular doorway?”
Larry Poppins says
Kenny Loggins ruins Easter
carlie says
All at once I’ve had enough
As if I’m made of sterner stuff
I take a breath and open up the door
Dawn breaks hard and falls on me
For just one moment I can see
The pale blue sky
I close my eyes because
The world’s so bright and beautiful I have to look away
Braced against the beauty of another perfect day
As I go to pieces and the breeze blows me away
One more blue sunny day…
cag says
Billy Jesus here for Michael Jackson Miracle Whitener. You too can look like me, just send $19.95 for the Miracle Whitener, but wait, if you call within the next 10 minutes we will double your offer. Be twice as white, just pay extra shipping and handling. Don’t miss out, call now, 666 666 6666.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“Wait — I can explain
On the day I went away
Goodbye
Was all I had to say
Now I
Want to come again and stay
Oh my
Smile and that will mean I may
I’ve seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realise I’m going home
I’m going home
Everywhere it’s been the same
Feeling
Like I’m outside in the rain
Wheeling
Free to try and find a game
Dealing
Cards for sorrow cards for pain
I’ve seen blue skies
through the tears in my eyes
And I realise — I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home.”
Goodbye Enemy Janine says
Micheal Row That Boat Ashore
zb24601 says
YOU KIDS GET OFF OF MY LAWN!
Chris Clarke says
Caine:
I think Abu was just trying for hard-boiled Easter noir.
athyco says
Abu Iksander’s pulling in Mel Gibson lines from Payback (and I’m kinda shamed to know that). I guess Passion of the Christ reminded him of that Gibson masterpiece.
My caption:
Just as long as we’re clear. You’ve got the cleaning bill since I have to keep the holes in my hands and side for that asshole Thomas Didymus.
Goodbye Enemy Janine says
Leaning On The Everlasting Arm
Caine, Wonder-wench says
athyco:
Oh. Never saw that. Chris, thank you too.
Lofty says
Use new “Smugly” washing powder, makes everything come out whiter than whitey.
Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says
“Is “blindingly white” a bit too much? It is, isn’t it?”
athyco says
I so ♥ the bunny noir!
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Athyco:
Agreed. That was fabulous.
Félix Desrochers-Guérin says
Palestinian goes in, European comes out. You can’t explain that.
Ichthyic says
“Dudes! Come check out my new crib!”
cubist says
“Everyone agreed that the Reverend Boltzmann’s remake of the famous “big stone ball” scene from INDIANA JONES was not entirely well thought-out.”
firstcircleofhell says
“Can’t wait to see how the Unitarians explain this shit.”
2-D Man says
“Now which way to Whiterun?”
cartboy says
Well, That wasn’t so bad!
anuran says
All I can say is
He has Risen!
Maureen Brian says
“Either this artist can’t do perspective or that stone never sealed the tomb. I could have been out 2 days ago.”
davehooke says
Mister Trouble never hangs around
When he hears this Mighty sound…
Marcus Ranum says
“OK, who left the seat up?”
robro says
My FB page is full of Easter cheer this morning from some Southern relatives: various images of Jesus plus a wealth of threatening pro-gun posters. Interesting isn’t it?
anuran says
#72 robro – Mine has some of the Easter cheer, lots of joyfully blasphemous images and a lot of stuff about candy. We obviously have rather different friends
Caine, Wonder-wench says
anuran:
No, you obviously have rather different relatives.
carlie says
Get your coat and grab your hat
Leave your troubles on this doorstep
And just direct your feet
to the sunny side of the street…
carlie says
I have to say, one of the benefits of having left fb is that I don’t get that deluge of Christianity every holiday. It’s quite nice.
starskeptic says
Easier than dancing with the Balrog…
Chris Clarke says
You are at the entrance to a deep dark tomb, its round stone door rolled to one side.
shut door
The tomb's round stone door is locked in the open position.
inventory
You have: stale bread, dried fish, wine cork, key, olive oil, crown of thorns, three nails
use key
You pull the key out of the folds in your robe. It falls through the hole in your hand and rolls out of sight.
Red-Green in Blue says
“Braaaaaaiiiiinnnns!”
chigau (not my real name) says
*snorfle*
yazikus says
@chris
Your comment just made my day! -Scurries off to play hitchhikers guide to the galaxy-
niftyatheist, perpetually threadrupt says
Jonathan Hartley
+1 ! :-D
Felix #62
(shinyinternet!) :-D
Acolyte of Sagan says
Jesus was clearly impressed by his tour of the Indiana Jones film set….
niftyatheist, perpetually threadrupt says
Is this open thread the place to admit that I found it pretty depressing when I looked at my facebook feed this morning and saw otherwise sensible people posting explicitly religious statuses. People who you know must battle cognitive dissonance every single day to continue to hold these ridiculous beliefs in their minds alongside their other more rational thoughts. I kid you not, I have a friend who is a biologist working in DNA/evolutionary research at a prestigious university who posted this morning, “Christ is risen! He is truly risen!” It just leaves me baffled and wondering do I even know these people? AHHH…anyone else?
Acolyte of Sagan says
…or;
For a qualified carpenter, Jesus always had a problem making doors fit…
Matt G says
I was just mostly dead.
nigelTheBold, also Avo says
Let’s see. We can go for the old tried-and-true:
“By this time, my lungs were aching for air.”
We could go for the obvious:
“Counterweights, people! These stones are fucking heavy.”
Or the historical:
“I’m not sure you needed a millstone to seal a door. Also, why am I European? I have yet to invent Champaign!”
Or the geeky:
“Really, Dad? A fucking Grue?”
So many choices.
kemist, Dark Lord of the Sith says
“Dude, where’s my car?”
jimnorman says
Will you guys knock it off up there? Some of us have to work tomorrow. And turn that damned light off.
Acolyte of Sagan says
“Saddle up the T-Rex, Ken, I’m going Judas hunting”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Acolyte of Sagan:
“Dammit, Jim, I’m a carpenter, not a stone mason!”
carlie says
Dammit, Chris wins again!
nigelTheBold, also Avo says
I’m thinking we need more “Caption this photo” entries.
Everybody loves capping.
Asher Kay says
@WMDKitty
Nicely done.
Acolyte of Sagan says
Heh heh :-)
How about “OI, BEARDIE, GET OFF THE FUCKING TRACK BFORE THAT TRAIN HITS YOU!”
Asher Kay says
“Uh, Mary? I think you’re going to want to go out the *back* door.”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“What’s with the millstone? Dudes, bros…you totes got that part wrong, that’s not what I was saying.”
Acolyte of Sagan says
Is he singing “Anything Blaine can do, I can do better”?
cicely (mumblemumble-SomethingHalf-Witty-mumblemumble) says
“By Me, that was one helluva shit! I’ve never felt so clean inside!”
–
John Morales says
“Which way to the catwalk?”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“It’s the millstone miracle door! Comes complete with a track kit, easy to assemble! This door can withstand anything! Order yours now, 500 easy payments of 100 shekels, and shipping costs! Don’t delay!”
chigau (not my real name) says
niftyatheist
You know, there are two open threads…
SteveV says
Sigh: I’m getting old.
athyco says
MattG @….oh my fsm…86:
“And unlike Westly, I actually did say, ‘To blaaaaaaaaave.'”
chigau (not my real name) says
huh
He does look a bit like Kenny Loggins.
ChasCPeterson says
“Barkeep! Another Rolling Rock!
Put it on my Dad’s tab.”
cicely (mumblemumble-SomethingHalf-Witty-mumblemumble) says
+1
–
DonDueed says
“Jesus? Yes… that’s what they called me. I was Jesus the Grey. I am now… Jesus the White!”
chigau (not my real name) says
DonDueed
+1
Lofty says
Excuse me, but the lightbulb’s blown in here.
patchmonkey says
The Big Labowski watches the very luminous UFO ascend, wonders why they left the big flywheel.
tsig says
I’m back, I’m mad, gonna kick some Roman ass.
tsig says
You saw the first movie “The Passion of the Christ”
Now see the sequel The Revenge of the Christ”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
tsig:
A little more “Daaaamn, I look good. Totally wrong outfit for ass kicking, though.”
nigelTheBold, also Avo says
“Hey, guys! Check it out. It’s my Ted Neeley pose. Get it? Get… Oh, never mind.”
Gregory Greenwood says
“Me? A grave robber? No, no – you have it all wrong – this is my tomb. I used to be dead, but I got better…
Honest.”
travisrm89 says
Five more weeks of winter.
LykeX says
Well, that depends on which version of the story you go by. Mark, Luke and John tell it as you say (about the only thing they agree on in their accounts), but Matthew says an angel rolled the stone away after the women arrived. What’s really neat is that the tomb was already empty, so either Jesus ghosted out, or he replaced the stone after crawling out.
No explanation of why the roman guards (if they were there, accounts differ again) didn’t notice that the very corpse they were guarding got up and walked away.
Completely unrelated: really handy tool for comparison between gospels.
Stalagmites might hang from the ceiling, but they don’t.
chigau (not my real name) says
I hate mnemonics.
dalestanbrough says
Is…that my right foot over there?
kreativekaos says
‘Shit, just my luck– I come outta da votin’ booth, and dey run outta da, ‘I voted for Romney stickers’!
Audley Z. Darkheart (liar and scoundrel) says
“ I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum.”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
LykeX:
No, no, it’s “Stalagmites might reach the ceiling.
Holms says
“OK guys just FYI, there ain’t a toilet in there. Went anyway, LOL!”
Ulysses says
Hey Mom, the next time you go to the store, we need more asswi…er, I mean, toilet paper.
chigau (not my real name) says
See? Mnemonics suck.
Uncle Ebeneezer says
I’ve been up partying for three days straight. Cocaine is a hell of a drug!
robro says
@ anuran #73 —One of us isn’t so lucky, but then I have relatives who think that Jesus and guns just go together like butter and grits.
jimnorman says
I told you the Monty Hall paradox was bullshit.
carpenterman says
“Remember now, boys: what happens in the Garden of Gethsemane, *stays* in the Garden of Gethsemane.”
chigau (not my real name) says
jimnorman
Monty Hall
oh, bravo
+1
mattand says
Oh, hai! I can has rezerection now?
brazenlucidity says
“It’ll have to go,” the men of Krikkit said as they headed back for home.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“There’s a cat in here. Tag says ‘Schrödinger’.”
cyberCMDR says
That Plato dude was right! The real world is outside of the cave!
sparks says
“Next stop: Disneyland!”
cyberCMDR says
What an uncomfortable bed. Last time I stay at the Hard Rock Hotel!
cyberCMDR says
I’m the Doctor and I just regenerated. Has anyone seen my TARDIS?
redwood says
“Hey, Pops! Where’s the skytaxi you promised me? And don’t give me that flying horse crap, that’s for that other guy.”
grumpyoldfart says
I feel pretty, oh so pretty
blacksteel says
Worst Weekend. Ever.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“Man, I don’t want to apparate home, last time I splinched myself.”
UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human form says
“Man, I can’t wait till the 1970s. Everybody’s gonna want to look like this.”
procyon says
Stalactites hold tight to the cieling
procyon says
ceiling
Nichodeemous says
Pictured: Jesus “Harold” Christ, Cleric of Yahveh, strikes a confident pose before entering the demilich Acererak’s fabled Tomb of Horrors. He was never seen again.
Mike says
Dan Fogelberg’s Greatest Hits
theophontes (坏蛋) says
“One day I got so hammered, I woke up in a cave three days later.”
…
Stalactites have to hold on tightly.
Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says
…if Jesus was a carpenter, why is having wood sinful?
Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says
Also, people keep calling Jesus a zombie, but we know he was a vampire – he rose from the dead after being buried and drinking his blood makes you more like him!
bad Jim says
I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
andrewbrown not the one from the grauniad says
Walter, he peed on my rug!
Danny says
“And I, Jesus, shall take up the mantle of White Ranger and swear to defend the Earth from the vile forces of Rita Repulsa!”
Caine, Wonder-wench says
“For I am every dead thing…I am re-begot of absence, darknesse, death; things which are not.”
ednaz says
Abu Iksander @ 40
I told her I’d stop killing if she quit hooking.
I think we were aiming high.
Crudely Wrott says
Awake to the Zest of New Life!
Erzatz Brothers Sleep Products introduces the Solid Stone Mattress!
“You’ll sleep as Peacefully as the Dead and wake up to New Life!
Guaranteed,* accept no substitutes.
*see fine print for multiple disclaimers
ottotellick says
Okay, the trap door, the lever, the food and water, the sh*t hole — everything checks out. Let’s go ahead with the arrest and “crucifixion”. (You better be sure the guards are going to have the right “nails”!) And let’s not have nobody else get “buried” in here before I do – that would be awkward. Now, who did you say is fronting the money this gig, and when do I get my cut?
Charly says
“Has anybody got any aspirin, please? Got the worst hangover, ever.”
Alex the Pretty Good says
“I’m not dead yet!”
OS: “Oh quit whining. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”
—-
Meta – though it isn’t my first language, I always liked the French mnenomic:
stalacMites Montent
stalacTites Tombent
rq says
I can never find the Big Dipper…
Didaktylos says
I told you I wouldn’t be seen dead in this neighbourhood …
shelldigger says
Whadaya mean I have to “earn” a black belt? Im frickin Jesus!!
Gregory Greenwood says
“Well, that is the final practice run for my escapology act done. I will have to get around to writing up my notes about how I do it; having a bespoke tomb with hidden counterweights to roll back that stone built, faking a crucifiction and paying off the local officials to claim I was dead – it was a master stroke, if I do say so myself.
Nah, I’ll get round to it later. Even if I forget, what’s the worst that could happen? I mean, you would have to be a total fool to actually think this resurrection business is real…”
Brother Ogvorbis, Fully Defenestrated Emperor of Steam, Fire and Absurdity says
“Jesus Christ! Get your grubby hand off the wall. I spent all day yesterday washing the walls and now you put your grubby mitts on it. grumble, grumble, grumble”
“Sorry, Mom.”
dalestanbrough says
Stalactites – c for ceiling
Stalagmites – g for ground
clayhale says
“So the last thing I remember is walking into that Roman hotel with some nails and asking them to put me up for the night.”
Brother Ogvorbis, Fully Defenestrated Emperor of Steam, Fire and Absurdity says
Damnit. I’m not going to law school. I got nailed on my boards!
AlanMac says
Jesus ? Yes that’s what they used to call me, Jesus the Grey. I am Jesus the White!
randay says
This isn’t what I expected when I booked my vacation in Norway.
Blake Stacey, try Mark Twain’s version. The beginning: “Mine eyes have seen the orgy of the launching of the Sword;
He is searching out the hoardings where the stranger’s wealth is stored;
He hath loosed his fateful lightnings, and with woe and death has
scored;
His lust is marching on.
DLC says
:singing:: “Always look on the bright side of Death ”
or
New and Improved Jesus, now with Whitening!
or
“Man, I’ve been Punked! “
Eurasian magpie says
“All’alba vincerò! Vincerò! Vincerò!”
great1american1satan says
“You moved the headstones, but you didn’t move the bodies!”
“Back up in yo ass with tha Resurrection!”
Can I make a joke that isn’t a pop culture reference? Hm…
Not tonight apparently.
Don Quijote says
Dad, somebody has stolen my Cadburys cream egg!
DanDare says
Its not my fault, you’re the one that made a fucking round door for a square hole!
DanDare says
Gandalf the Grey? Yes, that’s what they used to call me. I’m Gandalf the White now.
Caine, Wonder-wench says
Fuck, people – read the other comments first!
sundiver says
With apologies to Gary Larson: “I feel like I’ve been dead for three days”. Stolen from a panel he did that his editors thought maybe wouldn’t go over too well; he only published it in “A Prehistory of the Far Side”.
FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says
“Fucking cops! Calm dude, just keep calm. They can’t see shit from up there. Gotta remember to score Judas a couple of bags, putting the op back there was fucking genius.”
dcg1 says
Reply to 8) by PZ Myers
Forgive him father, for calling people who dwell in desert countries “ragheads”.
Even the Athiests are embarrassed by his presence in their ranks. They want to get rid of the mysogenists first however, before they start on racist bigotry and language.
mikecline says
crazy ass falsetto… “well you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m a woman’s man no time to talk”
Gregory Greenwood says
dcg1 @ 179;
Sorry, we don’t recognise undetectable phantasms as paternal relatives ’round these parts.
I think you need to consider the context of this comment. While I can see why you find the use of that term offensive, I am pretty sure PZ was referencing the brutal and unjustified (and clearly at least partially religiously motivated) violence of the illegal wars faught in the Middle East. Wars with a very toxic racist undertone initiated by former President Bush – a man who literally saw himself as the red right hand of his god – and fought in part by an American military infamously riddled with christian religious extremism – hence jesus calling in the flamethrowers.
Citation needed. You do realise that ‘atheists’ aren’t some single, unitary movement, right? We come in all manner of political affiliations and social philosophies. PZ most certainly has opponenets within atheism, but most of them are reactionary misogynist bigots who despise PZ for his progressive attitudes and the stand he has taken against sexism, or hardcore libertarians who hate anyone who doesn’t worship at the altar of the invisible hand of the free market.
The ‘atheist movement’ (in so far as there is such a thing) certainly has a deep rooted problem with misogyny that requires (and is beginning to receive) urgent attention, and it is equally true that a movement that is still predominantly made up of White middle class men also has problems with discrimination along other axes, including racism. However, racist bigotry is not tolerated on Pharyngula – PZ was mocking the attitude of religiously motivated racism, not endorsing it.
ChasCPeterson says
so…looks like we’ll all be keeping the day jobs, then.
myeck waters says
Broad shoulders: check
Muscular body: check
Lantern jaw: check
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jesse Ventura so overdressed before.
I’d love to see JV portray JC as he recites the story of the good Samaritan.
Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says
Laundry was a more advanced craft than indoor plumbing in first-century Palestine.
cmaximus says
“I sure hope no one noticed that me, Jesus H. Christ, the almighty creator of everything, had to open a door in order to escape from a cave…”
or
“Jesus Christ that thing was heavy!”
charleypie says
“Man what a weekend. Managed to lose 3 days and Judas… Ah well, YOLO.”
(And never let me use that awful work ever again. This is what Jesus makes me do *shudders*)
chigau (not my real name) says
” I prefer Dos Equis.”
UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human form says
“Why yes, I use Clorox bleach to make my whites whiter.”
Brother Ogvorbis, Fully Defenestrated Emperor of Steam, Fire and Absurdity says
He once died for three days. Just to find out what it was like.
UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human form says
L’oreal. Because you’re worth it.
dianne says
“Don’t even bother. I’ve already found all the eggs the Easter bunny left in there.”
stevem says
re everyone:
great captions all around, applause, bravo.
I apologize for this brief interruption but I must throw out my long standing nitpicky objection to this “holy day”. 3 days? 3 days? when did we count nights as days? He “died” on Friday(evening) and “rose” on Sunday(morning). So how is Saturday 3 days. oh, 1)Friday night, 2)Saturday, 3)Saturnight. bah humbug, is their counting of years equally aberrant? Is that why they say Noah lived 600 years when they counted each month as a year? (or somesuch)
er, just wondering…
Mike says
Dude, you’re trying to get logic out of the Bugs Bunny-Road Runner Hour. Don’t do that, some religidiot will mistake your confusion for a genuine need to know. If that happens you’ll never get the bastards off your doorstep.
Cosmic Teapot, not the Antichrist. says
OK Cephas, that’s stocked for a weekend party, now I’m ready for my crucifixion. What, what do you mean they crucified Brian?
They counted the start of the day from sun set, so that is :
Day 1 – Thursday evening -> Friday (Death)
Day 2 – Friday evening -> Saturday
Day 3 – Saturday evening -> Sunday (He rose on the third day)
chigau (not my real name) says
stevem
Jesus was dead for portions of three days.
and the myth doesn’t say “72 hours later”, it says “on the third day”.
Subtract Hominem says
“Nope. I can still lift it. Hey dad! Bigger rock!”
chigau (not my real name) says
Thursday is not involved.
he died on Friday before sunset – Friday
dead all day – Saturday
still dead Saturday sunset – Sunday
moarscienceplz says
stevem,
Apparently, you’ve never read a brochure for a vacation resort.
Tom J says
“Silly rabbis, death is for kids! Yeah, Passover sure is a hoot. Hey Magdalene, cue up that Freddie Mercury song from Highlander. What? Oh, never mind.
♫♪ I am immortal, I have inside me blood of Kings. No man can be my equal! ♪♫
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
cicely (mumblemumble-SomethingHalf-Witty-mumblemumble) says
:) :) :)
–
jackjesberger says
Where the hell did he get the clothes?
Gregory Greenwood says
Tom J @ 199;
So that is how jebus survived crucifiction and being stabbed with a spear…
There can be only one!
;-P
carlie says
That was in one of the translations of Matthew 28: “He has linen, just as he said.”
Tom J – There can be only one!!!
carlie says
That’s it, Gregory! Draw your sword!
macallan says
“I got better”
Michael says
“Hey guys, I just had a great idea for a sci-fi show. It’s set in a space station which will be the last best hope for peace…since I kinda sucked at it.”
Owlmirror says
Damn, but the geometry of that tomb is definitely non-Euclidian. And he looks like he’s dressed as a cultist. He’s clearly been resurrected by ancient arcane science.
I bet 5
buckspieces of silver that inside is a shrine to Dogon with runes scribed in Old Enochian, and that an eldritch breeze blows from inside the cave system carrying the faint batrachian sound of voices of a lost elder race chanting in an unspeakable ritual to an ancient cyclopean god.(Call of Cthulhu: Ancient Judea)
NB for DMs: Actual paleoarchaeological site of Gesher Bnot Ya’akov
macallan says
“I’ve slept too long!”
dcg1 says
181 Gregory Greenwood.
…for calling people who dwell in desert countries “ragheads”.
“I think you need to consider the context of this comment. While I can see why you find the use of that term offensive.”
That was the whole point of my post!! .
As for citations: you make a lot of assumptions about motive with no evidence. I’m an atheist and find the casual use of racist language by privledged white middle class males both offensive and embarrassing!.
It should not be used!!!!
Acolyte of Sagan says
“Yes, I have bleached my skin. You don’t think the ‘merkins are gonna accept a brown saviour, do you?”
Howlin' Wolf says
Jesus leaves the safe house so that now he could go into the witness protection program after testifying against the Roman Mafia.
Rich Woods says
“You want to use the cave next? Sure. But I’d give it a minute, if I were you.”
macallan says
“I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking tomb!”
weldonribeye says
“No, I’m not wearing underwear, and, yes, I did just wake up. Is it that obvious?”
shelldigger says
“Oh….the quarter goes in the slot” “I feel stupid”
Howlin' Wolf says
Lance: You are not bringing this fucked-up bitch into my cave!
Vincent: This fucked-up bitch is Marsellus Wallace’s wife! Do you know who Marsellus Wallace is? Do you? If she croaks on me, I’m a fuckin’ greasespot!
tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach says
D’ough!
fastlane says
What day is it? Oh, I guess that was a good friday then.
If it were a Great Friday, I woulda been out at least two more days. Now, someone get me a bloody Mary. (No offense mum.)
ChasCPeterson says
ffs, read the OP’s title, if not the comments.
And the restaya: day jobs.
myeck waters says
If I wanted a day job I wouldn’t have broadband, Chas.
nikki630 says
Look … up in the sky …
It’s a bird
a plane !!!!
it’s SUPERMAN!!!!!!
chigau (not my real name) says
If I wanted a day job I learn how to say, “Anything to drink?”.
kevs says
But you said it was a tomb with a view!
erikthebassist says
Jesus emerged from the tomb with a bit of a chip on his shoulder.
azpaul3 says
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT THE HELL I JUST WENT THROUGH?!
YOU INSENSITIVE MOTHERFUCKIN ….
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKIN HURTS?!
god damn prick
Shane Street says
The sun on the meadow is summery warm
The stag in the forest runs free
Jesus Christ! It’s only Saturday!
No go the fuck to sleep!
Acolyte of Sagan says
“And I, Jesus Son of God, declare unto you that everything I say will be true for all eternity……or until the Gnu Atheists turn up, whichever comes first”.
natashatasha says
“Screw this, two days to respawn?!”
mickll says
Today’s Sunday School lesson, Jesus emerges from the closet…
raj says
[voice of God] “I said, ’30 days’, not ‘3 days’! Go back in and die again!”
phillipbrown says
“I am just going outside and may be some time”
“Put that bloody light out!”
“Did someone say ‘toga party’?”
gakxz1 says
So you’re sure a portrait will convince them? Christ, I should’ve asked dad for a camera phone.
gakxz1 says
“You can tell the good messiahs from the bad by their pose. I call this my number 7.”
joanimal says
Ever since the hotel industry marketed 3 day weekends as starting at 2pm friday and ending at 11am sunday, which if I have done the math correctly is less than 48 hours.
Wait a second… the hotel industry didn’t exist… the means Jesus invented the 3 days is less than 48 hours hotel standard. That bastard!
Gregory Greenwood says
carlie @ 204;
No swords for me – I am strictly a Watcher…
koncorde says
“I am just going outside and may be some time”
Gregory Greenwood says
dcg1 @ 209;
And I was trying to point out that PZ was deliberately mocking the attitude of religiously motivated racism. Accusing him of the very form of bigotry he is so clearly lampooning seems a tad unreasonable.
Do I indeed – care to provide some examples? Remember; I have been commenting here for some time, and am already aware of PZ’s stance on the issue of racism. I characterise his outlook the way I do for good reason – can you say the same?
Not even with the obvious intent to mock that prejudiced attitude and those who hold it? Context cannot simply be ignored to bolster your point here, however much animus you hold for PZ.
I also find it curious that as a self declared atheist, you open your post @ 179 with the words;
That wouldn’t be a freudian slip, now would it…?
I would also point out that in your original post @ 179 you wrote;
(Emphasis added)
This clearly suggests that atheists as a notional group – or at least such a substantial portion of atheists that their opinion can be taken as indicative of the view of the broad sweep of atheism – find PZ ’embarrassing’. This is hardly the same thing as simply stating your own personal opinion.
Also, the use of the term ‘the atheists’ clearly positions atheism as a group with which you do not identify, else you would have written ‘we atheists’, ‘other atheists’, the ‘broader atheist movement’ or some such, and yet in your very next post you claim to be an atheist. What are we to make of this?
If you are an artheist as you claim, do not presume to speak for the rest of us. If you are not, then I would suggest that your time and effort may be better spent elsewhere.
Brian says
Only if you pick sucky mnemonics! The mnemonic I was taught was:
Stalagmites grow on the ground.
Stalactites grow on the ceiling.
Chris Clarke says
On Old Olympus’ Towering Tops, Stalagmites Can Flirt And Other Queer Stalactites Just Brought Us Nine Pickles.
chigau (not my real name) says
Chris #239
notes on a clavichord?
cranial nerves?
Egyptian dynasties?
the ingredients in the ultimate pizza sauce?
Mnemonics suck.
thumper1990 says
“Psst! Judas! Are… are they gone? Did they buy it? PfffftBWAhahahaha! Oh… Oh, dude, give Longinus a bell; let’s hit a bar, see how long it takes these morons to work it out…”
thumper1990 says
“…It got better.”
(a shiny interent for anyone who can tell me what film I’m referencing)
Lofty says
SORRY DAD, CENTRAL CASTING CALLED.
la tricoteuse says
thumper1990 @#242 isn’t it “I got better”? (She turned me into a newt!)
Cosmic Teapot, not the Antichrist. says
chigau (not my real name)
If that was in response to me, you appear to be disagreeing with me by agreeing with me. Thursday sun set to Friday sun set, day 1.
diotima says
Those Vera Wang knock-offs get everywhere.