Comments

  1. chigau (違う) says

    Nothing like a good old-fashioned blood sacrifice!
    Are there any carols to go with this?

  2. radpumpkin says

    Being the lovable misanthrope that I am, I fully support this new holiday tradition. Glory and approbations to our Grand Lord Odin (aka the dude after whom we named Wednesday). Really, is it any more barbaric than the xian crap?

  3. says

    Local Krampusnacht celebration in my town tonight, woohoo! There will be a dude dressed up as a demon and he’ll whack people with foam sticks. No details yet on whether he’ll be eating any children. Also human sacrifice, if by sacrifice you mean drinking a lot of beer and acting silly.

  4. Brother Ogvorbis, OM . . . Really? says

    So we get to stay up and listen for the sound of his eight-legged horse? Kewl!

  5. freelunch says

    “Also human sacrifice, if by sacrifice you mean drinking a lot of beer and acting silly.”

    Many humans feel like they have been sacrificed the next morning after such activity.

    We must all remember to worship all the gods we can to make certain that the days don’t keep getting shorter.

  6. CJO says

    “Deep within Yggdrasil”? Woden hung out there for a while, har har, but he wasn’t supposed to reside there as far as I know. And Krampusnacht, whatever its (now obscure) origins in Germanic culture, is assimiliated to Christmas now; I know of no clear connection with Norse religion. Krampus’ role is ‘bad cop’ to St. Nicholas.

  7. Brownian says

    Are there any carols to go with this?

    Please let neighbours not be wary,
    Fa la la la la, la la la la.
    Troll with tunes by Beiber and Perry,
    Fa la la la la, la la la la.
    Grisly, though we will not waver,
    Fa la la, la la la, la la la!
    Children’s blood will win gods’ favour,
    Fa la la la la, la la la la.

    C’mon, you all know the rest!

  8. steve oberski says

    Sign on a local church is advertising xmas services “with live animals”.

    I have this urge to wander over some dark night and add:

    “and human sacrifices”.

  9. Brownian says

    Sign on a local church is advertising xmas services “with live animals”.

    I’ve seen that ad, though not on a church, and Xmas was spelled with two more X’s. Their services weren’t very Christmassy, if you ask me.

    They did have a manger filled with hay that the animals ate from, though. I was very impressed with the muscle control of the actor who played it.

  10. chigau (違う) says

    Oh bloody night
    The knives are brightly shining,
    It is the night of … something …

    meh. I got nothin’.

  11. says

    Our grown sons will be showing up for a few days. On the 25th, we will get Chinese take-out. Or as my wife puts it: a traditional Jewish Christmas dinner.

  12. Brownian says

    I don’t know that one, chigau.

    But here’s another classic. Everyone, join in!

    Hark! The police sirens wail,
    Grab that kid, and hit the trail!
    Use your duct tape and your wire,
    Later toss all in the fire.
    Flaying knives and bone defleshers,
    Joints will break with subtle pressures,
    Quick! Before Geraldo nears,
    Soak your floor with children’s tears
    Hark! The police sirens wail,
    Grab that kid, and hit the trail!

  13. Russell says

    1.

    Deck the halls with giblets jolly

    Angel wing their lungs, by golly

    Tra la la la la la la , lah la lah

    Wind their guts around the chimney

    Or a menhir if its windy

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    Tread we now a Yuletide measure

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    Break their heads and take their treasure

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    Rape and pillage, loot and burning

    Yuletide cheer we here are earning

    Tra la la la, lah, lah lah , la la lah!

  14. Gregory Greenwood says

    “Silent night, bloody night!
    All are slain, gore is bright
    Round yon Norse God and Octopod Steed
    Mighty warhammer will make Jörmungandr bleed
    Drink in heavenly Valhalla
    Drink in heavenly Valhalla

    Silent night, bloody night!
    Mortals quake at the sight
    Lightening streams from Asgard afar
    Æsir hosts sing Miðgarðr!
    Thor, Sönnungr is here!
    Thor, Sönnungr is here!

    Silent night, bloody night!
    Odin’s son, battle’s pure light
    Ruddy locks frame Thy noble face
    ‘Till the dawn of Ragnarök’s grace
    Thor, Lord, at Thy final battle
    Thor, Lord, at Thy final battle.”

  15. Zinc Avenger says

    Inspired by this comic I might find some way of working a viking hat into my festivities. Maybe blood-eagle a priest or two. You know, something fun.

  16. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    Randolph the bow-legged cowboy
    Had a very shiny gun
    And if you ever saw it
    You would turn around and run.
    All of the other cowboys
    Used to laugh and call him names
    They never let poor Randolph
    Join in any poker games.
    Then one foggy Christmas Eve
    The sheriff came to say,
    “Randolph with your gun so bright
    Did you shoot you wife tonight?”
    Then all the cowboys loved him
    As they shouted out with glee,
    “Randolph the bow-legged cowboy,
    You’ll hang from the highest tree!”

  17. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    Rudolph’s nose is red but all the other reindeer have brown noses. They’re all dissing Rudolph until the boss says “Rudolph, you’re my boy.”

    “Then all the reindeer loved him.”

  18. echidna says

    The Krampus tradition never fully assimilated into Christmas. No matter how much st. Nicholas gloss was put over it, it remained stubbornly associated with earlier times.

  19. CJO says

    The Krampus tradition never fully assimilated into Christmas. No matter how much st. Nicholas gloss was put over it, it remained stubbornly associated with earlier times.

    So it is alleged. As far as I can tell, though, the earlier associations are now entirely obscure. But maybe there are sources of which I am unaware. If you know of any, please share.

  20. LanceR, JSG says

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Ragnarok
    The world will end in ice.
    The giants are on the march, and the gods will meet them there
    With axe and sword and torches all aglow.

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Ragnarok
    Fenrir’s on the prowl
    But the scariest sight to see is the serpent round the tree
    Breaking down your door.

    An age of wolves and an age of wind
    When the Jotun start marching again
    The sun will turn black, the world is a snack
    For the Midgard Serpent Jörmangandr
    Heimdall blows his horn for the gods to come

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Ragnarok
    Fenrir ate Odin
    There’s a tree called Yggdrasill where the last two people hide
    To populate a reconstructed earth

    It’s beginning to look a lot like Ragnarok
    Soon the war will start
    As the Fimbulwinter falls and the gods hide in their halls
    Götterdämmerung!

  21. Brother Ogvorbis, OM . . . Really? says

    The holly and the ivy, when they are both full grown,
    Of all the trees that are in the wood, the holly bears the crown.

    Oh, the rising of the sun and the running of the deer,
    The playing of the merry organ, sweet singing in the choir.

    (Okay, so I didn’t have to change that much to give it a pagan flavour . . . .)

  22. David Marjanović says

    Local Krampusnacht celebration in my town tonight, woohoo!

    You’re doing it wrong. The night in question is Dec. 5th to 6th, because the 6th is St. Nicholas’s day.

    Krampuslauf video, here:

    Krampus? Those are Perchten, a strictly Alpine thing. The German Wikipedia article associates their name with January 6th (as the word “bright”, translation of “epiphany”), and they run around in the 12 “rough nights” between Christmas and January 6th.

  23. DLC says

    ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
    Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
    All mimsy were the borogoves,
    And the mome raths outgrabe.

  24. Brownian says

    (Okay, so I didn’t have to change that much to give it a pagan flavour . . . .)

    Pagan? Is that what we were doing?

    [Drives windowless van to the river while arguing with the voices in his head the whole way, and after wiping any prints off of it, pushes it in.]

  25. says

    steve oberski #9 says:

    Sign on a local church is advertising xmas services “with live animals”.

    The church I grew up in is advertizing a living nativity scene with real animals. That will get a lot of people through the parking lot. Apparently, it’s a drive-thru affair.

  26. storms says

    @#17 Russel
    While aesthetically pleasing lyrics, I have issue with line#11. Every experienced Viking knows the correct order is: pillage, burn, THEN rape; because sex is always more romantic by firelight.

  27. Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, liar and scoundrel says

    NitricAcid:

    Shouldn’t there be a lot more clips and clops if that’s really Sleipner?

    XD

    Here you go, NA, one internet made out of homemade brownie.

    You know, I can’t really get into the “human sacrifice” side of the holidays, either– I’ve got absolutely zero holiday spirit.

    Oh well. Only a few more days to go, then I can put this entire miserable holiday season behind me.

  28. Brother Ogvorbis, OM . . . Really? says

    Pagan? Is that what we were doing?

    Well, I’m using the ‘everyonewhoisn’tChristianispagannomoatterwhattheyactullybelieveordon’believe’ pagan.

  29. rikitiki says

    Oh, yuletide tree, oh, yuletide tree,
    You need no ornamentation.
    ’cause all your green is flecked with red
    From all the decapitation.
    See, Odin, he needed sacrifice
    And Tiny-Tim got sliced and diced.
    Oh, yuletide tree, oh, yuletide tree,
    God bless us every one.

    (There, may as well mix mythologies and stories just like xmas does)

  30. Brownian says

    So did they have a tax exempt status as well ?

    I don’t know, but they went through enough frankincense, myrrh, and Astroglide that I hope they were writing at least some of it off.

  31. Gregory says

    I’m dreaming of a real Solstice
    Just like the Druids used to know.
    It would be so pleasin’
    To stand there, freezin’
    At Stonehenge in the sleet and snow.

    I’m dreaming of a real Solstice
    With no eclectic modern feel.
    If your blade is silver, not steel
    Then may all your solstices be real.

  32. Part-Time Insomniac, Zombie Porcupine Nox Arcana Fan says

    Maybe we can put together a little section for all these holiday riffs. It can be called… [i]Christmas Gone Bad[/i]? Have Yourself a Pharyngula Christmas[/i]?

  33. rikitiki says

    Clip-clop-clip, Clip-clop-clip,
    Who’s that coming neigh?
    It’s Odin and Sleipnir
    And somebody’s gonna die!
    Run away? Get on knees?
    Sing him songs of praise?
    Maybe if we offer him
    A kid he’ll go away!
    Dashing out some brains,
    On his eight-legged loyal steed,
    He’s not out to maim,
    He’s laughing as we bleed.
    Guess we pissed him off,
    So, the kid gets sacrificed,
    Oh what fun to hear Odin sing
    His slaying song tonight!

  34. Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, liar and scoundrel says

    Brownian:

    You never know where we’ve been.

    Especially me.

  35. seraphymcrash says

    Off topic, but is anyone else getting an “account suspended” page when trying to get to skepchick.org?

  36. roland72 says

    It’s HALL, dammit, HALL! Deck the HALL with boughs of holly! HALL not halls!!! (weep, sob, shudder over trivial bugbear) *gets over himself* very well, as you were

  37. says

    Well, Krampus and Perchten both have celtic origions.
    Please remember that, although nowadays many people believe that Bavaria=Germany, originally those areas were populated by celts, not by germanic tribes: linky to the pffft and their myths and traditions are very distinct from the norse ones.
    So the authors of the comic get 8/10 points for humor but only 2/10 for accuracy.
    Perchten are celtic godesses, related to the germanic Parzen, the weavers of fate.
    Krampus or Knecht Ruprecht (Rau-Percht, rough Percht) are pre-christian figures who, as so many other pagean solstice-traditions were incorporated into christianity.
    Another one are the “Raunächte” between Christmas and 6th of January when you need to rpotect your home against evil spirits, witches and demons.

  38. Russell says

    34 & 48

    Points well taken- here is the revision:

    1.

    Deck Valhal with giblets jolly

    Angel wing their lungs, by golly

    Tra la la la la la la , lah la lah

    Wind their guts around the chimney

    Or a menhir if its windy

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    Tread we now a Yuletide measure

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    Break their heads and take their treasure

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    Rape and pillage, loot and burning

    Yuletide cheer we here are earning

    Tra la la la, lah, lah lah , la la lah!

    Tra la la, la la la , lah la lah

    The wolf’s leash slit, he runs a-jawing

    The Berserks at their shields are gnawing

    Tralla la, la lah , lah lah lah.

    Pour the mead and broach the grog

    It’s time to fire our bright Yule log !

    Tralla lalla la , lah lah lah lah.

  39. lpetrich says

    We English speakers could revive the English version of the old Germanic name: Yule. Scandinavians still use their versions of that name.

    Gôda Yihulan!

    “Good Yule” in reconstructed proto-Germanic.

    The Xmas song O Tannenbaum (literally “O Fir Tree”) celebrates that tree’s keeping its leaves all year round and not partially dying, let alone completely dying. That’s why evergreens like conifers, holly, mistletoe, ivy, etc. have been part of the season’s celebrations — they are plants that stay alive all year. I’m sure that that’s a heck of lot older than Xianity.

    Lights? There isn’t much light around the Winter Solstice, especially at far northern latitudes.

    Archeological evidence? Surprisingly, yes. Monuments like Newgrange and Maeshowe and Stonehenge have solstice alignments, as if the solstices were important occasions to mark out. Newgrange and Maeshowe are 5000 years old, but the champion so far is the Goseck Circle in south central Germany, at 6900 years old.

    So we’ve celebrated the winter solstice for at least 7000 years. Were the Goseck Circle’s builders also celebrating conifer trees staying fully alive at that time of year?

    7000 years. That’s older than writing, and that’s older than the first mention of Jesus Christ’s ethnicity: Merneptah’s “Israel is destroyed. Its seed is gone.”

  40. mrpeach says

    Hmmm, eight legged horse? I suspect something funny is going on here. Perhaps it wasn’t actually a horse, but rather a cephalopod in disguise??