Getting in on the collectable card game fad, the New Humanist has published a set of religion cards. Here’s a familiar one:
Here we are:
Unfortunately, while they have all those stats on the cards, they haven’t given us any rules! I don’t know how to play the game, other than to mix all the cards together in a bag, and set fire to them. At least that has some real-world verisimilitude to it.
What’s that in his back pocket? An issue of Free Inquiry?
Is that a New Scientist in the secularist/atheist/humanist’s back pocket? Any other guesses?
You throw the cards at a watermelon. The first one that sticks into it is the correct religion.
(Note: Never play this game with a theist card throwing champion, if such a thing exists.)
I’m sorry, but Dawkins as our weapon ONLY gets 7/10?
Have they never heard how fearful the Christians are every time he speaks? He’s a minimum of 9/10…
I imagine you’d play them just like top trumphs.
I think it calls for a rusty nail and some coffee grounds
Genius!
Shame they’re inexplicably variant in size…
Use them as Top Trumps cards
• deal the cards out between 2 or more people
• In your turn – Take the top card from your pack.
Pick an attribute from the card that you think will be higher than your opponents. eg Age = 10/10
• Your opponent turns their top card and checks the same attribute. The one with the highest score gets both cards.
• take turns – winner is the person with all the cards at the end.
Dawkins may merit only a 7/10, but it’s the best of the weapons out there. Unless you consider the Muslims. And the Jehovah’s Witnesses tie, with a “Foot in the Door” — personally I consider that pretty threatening, so I don’t really disagree.
There’s a hard-fought battle for “daffiest doctrine”, though.
Yeah, that’ll verisimilitude ya!
There’s no way that the catholics should score 10 for age. Compared to the hindus and zaroastrians they are brand new
I’ll second #11…
It gives the age of Catholicism as “2000” and Buddhism at “Over 2000″… but Catholicism gets a 10 and Buddhism a 9. lolwut?
My guess would be that New Humanist have drawn him with a copy of New Humanist.
What?!?!?!
No mormons??????
Zoroastrian daffiest doctrine is leaving corpses out for the vultures. Doesn’t sound daffy to me. Takes up a lot less real estate than those Catholic mausoleums (mausolea?).
Except the population of vultures has crashed in Bombay (where a fair number of Zoroastrians live) and the bodies have started piling up in the tower-y things.
For the atheist card, I would argue that morality derives from communal living necessities and hence isn’t technically “individual.” But of course I would be one that has to find something to nitpick about.
ps—Does it make me a non-conformist if I’m arguing against individuality?
Catholics’ greatest weapon is the popemobile?! What about a fire-breathing Bill Donohue or a crusade? What about a defensive trait? I think Catholics have the ‘hide-a-rapist’ trick down pat.
I think it’s like the cards in Iraq, you hunt the people in the picture down and either kill them or capture them.
That’s equality, you know.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
I’m disturbed by how many of you seem unfamiliar with top trumps.
I know. They didn’t even mention fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, or their almost fanatical devotion to the pope…wait, scratch that last one out. They did list that one, innit?
More Cards! I LOL’d
Very well done. Pharyngula needs its very own Photoshop Phryday!
Must be a UK thing that never caught on in the States.
Why on Earth is the Atheist’s weapon of choice only a 7/10? Science and Reason deserves that 10/10…
And a nice red uniform.
Silly card! The chief weapon of the Catholics is fear.
Fear and surprise… the two chief weapons are fear and surprise…
…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope… their three chief weapons are fear, surpise, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
Plus, of course, the comfy chair.
Why on Earth is the Atheist’s weapon of choice only a 7/10? Science and Reason deserves that 10/10…
My guess is that they really aren’t that powerful against the most common targets. If people were susceptible enough to make reason and logic 10…well, we wouldn’t have amusing sets of religious playing cards.
I second the wtf on the age of Catholicism getting a 10 where Buddhism doesn’t. Christianity in general isn’t really That old in the grand scheme of things…
Otherwise, pretty damn amusing.
Blockquote fail? But I did the same thing I always did.
:(
Most Zoroastrians now live in India. They are a very rich community, so that wealth line may need some editing.
The trump card wins OK….
Well, there are 12 different types of card so you could print out four of each and one muslim card and play old maid.
I motion that we get extra credit in the “weapons” category for Christopher Hitchens.
Also, why does the scientologist look like a secret service member? I know there a secretive cult and all but they could have made him loonier looking.
The Catholic card seems incomplete without a reference to the inquisition.
the Atheist Weapons Of Choice will always trump the insane drivel and crap that the religionists offer; but as usual, here is the reality that might makes right, and reason will be beaten down as long as there are minds of abject derangement.
Top trumps? I think it’s played more like Uno: the first person to ditch every faith, wins.
The art on the Born Again card looks heavily inspired by Don Martin.
eric @35
So your a nihilist then are you?
One effect of the financial crisis I’ve noticed but not seen commented on: it’s hard to feel any sum of money is really large any more! I mean, the Catholic card above givesthe Church’s wealth as $100bn, and I just thought “Really – only that much?”
Tibetan Buddhists practice this also, is it derived from Zoroastrianism?
And why is it daffy? The belief is that once the “soul” has left the body, the body is completely worthless and so should at least benefit some other living organisms. When I think about it, burying bodies so they can be resurrected at “the end of time” seems quite a bit more daffy than the Zoroastrian “sky burial”.
Matt #20 – Top Trumps was my younger brother’s game – I’m 10 years older than him – but still 2 years younger than P-Zed – hah hah! No wonder PZ doesn’t know.
Ha ha ha ha…..
….I love these cards, hilarious :-)
Aw, they skipped Mormons and their magic underwear.
This card set needs a Mormon card.
Zoroastrian daffiest doctrine is leaving corpses out for the vultures.
It’s the “why” that gets the daffy points, but the vultures aren’t strictly necessary to the doctrine, just an added convenience. Actually, exposure (in the Towers) isn’t strictly necessary to the doctrine, either. Zoroastrianism is kinda “loose” that way.
Zoroastrianism is as quirky as any other religion in most ways, but the world would probably be better off if more people who felt compelled to have a religion adhered to one that considered lying to be the most grevious of sins and that the only way to judge a person’s virtue was by their deeds.
What kind of insane fanatical religion is that?
“Have they never heard how fearful the Christians are every time he speaks? He’s a minimum of 9/10…”
Pfah, Christians wet their pants at the sight of ads on the sides of buses. I wouldn’t inflate Dawkins’ score on that account.
The set definitely needs padding out a bit. So they need a Pagan card, too:
Age: 6-8,000 years, 10/10
Wealth: Most folks don’t do the prosperity charms correctly so, 3/10
Follower Dedication: Pretty laid-back, 4/10
Daffiest Doctrine: Pick your favorite deity or make up your own, 6/10
Weapon of choice: Not interested in conflict or proselytizing (i.e. most won’t turn you into a newt), 1/10
Easily offended? As long as you don’t burn them, they’re cool, 2/10
What? No Spaghetti Monsterist card?
1. No Lutheran card? I want to see Jell-O Molds listed as a weapon. (If you weren’t raised Lutheran in the American midwest, you won’t get the joke.)
2. No Mormon card? Special undies should trump some of those other weapons.
3. The Israelis have much better weapons than beards and hats.
4. There are militant and rich Buddhists. That card is probably the most false of all of them.
I don’t get the linking of atheism with the Humanist philosophy. It’s much like linking atheism to Communist ideology or Libertarian ideology.
Zoroastrian: You’d have to find one first.
Well, duh? Ever heard of Freddie Mercury? How about Zubin Mehta? Persis Khambatta, anyone?
Rules shmools. I printed them on photo card-stock so I can take them to school and give them out as unholy cards.
Anybody wanna trade for a Hindu?
For those who remember playing Top Trumps, I found this page with a fair few pics of cards. I remember at school, mostly everyone used to play the ‘Aliens and Space Warriors’ set. I’m sure that my Roman Catholic primary school would definitely have banned the New Humanist religious card set if some budding freethinker had brought them in.
I’m just imagining how awesome it would be to have an invertebrates set, and possibly a more specific religious apologists set so you could have, say, cards for, say, Pat Robertson, Ted Haggard, Fred Phelps, the Pope, Alister McGrath and so on.
I still don’t think we should be saying or implying that atheists are into science, reason and logic. That may be true for the vocal ones here in the U.S., but that, in my opinion, is just a reaction to the anti-science and anti-reason of the religious, and thus most who react tend to be atheists. But not the other way around.
It can backfire for instance when the idiots point out that some such bad person was an atheist. There are and have been many horrible atheists, and there will be. It’s just something you don’t believe. Of course, there will also be super-evil a-unicornists, but no one is saying bad things about a-unicornists.
noodles #50 wrote:
They had to link it to something or else it’s too broad. What would they put down? Do you see a card marked “Theism?”
If you’d rather, don’t think of it as the ‘atheist’ card. It’s the ‘scientific humanist atheist’ card. Just as the Catholic card is, by implication, the Catholic /Christian/ Theist card.
Posted by: Matt Heath @16
And what? they’re also running out of flies, maggots, fungi and bacteria too? I guess things must really be going to hell in hand basket for the Zoroastrians of Bombay.
Apparently because of the widespread use of diclofenac, a NSAID that causes kidney failure in vultures, which vultures get from eating carcasses of domesticated animals that have been treated with the drug.
“More often exhasperated than offended”
That’s my life’s story.
“3. The Israelis have much better weapons than beards and hats.”
So do the French. Your point?
Anyway, the most vicious weapon known to Judaism is surely Gefilte Fish with Chrain.
#17:
Brian: “You’re ALL individuals!”
Voice from the crowd: “No, I’m not!”
A vulture will pick the flesh off a corpse pretty quickly, while leaving one to rot to nothing in one of the worlds biggest cities may raise public health issues.
popular in the UK, see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_Trumps
What about Cthulhu Cultists?, yes they are based on a fiction book but… wait, that sounds familiar.
Scientology
Age: 50 odd years 1/10
Wealth: You have to pay just to hear about how wealthy they are 9/10
Follower Dedication: Total 10/10
Daffiest Doctrine: Evil space alien 6/10
Weapon of choice: Lawyers 8/10
Easily offended? “Fair game policy” 10/10
Mark @ 64:
There already is a Scientology card. Check it out.
Dude. “…in spaceships that looked exactly like DC 10s” that’s a 10.
A vulture will pick the flesh off a corpse pretty quickly, while leaving one to rot to nothing in one of the worlds biggest cities may raise public health issues.
Carrion birds dropping hunks of rotting human flesh** in the streets can’t be too healthy, either.
**of course, to a vulture that’s a packed lunch.
Follower Dedication on the Catholic card should be 6/10 and not 9/10. Roughly 60% of lay Catholics disagree with the Pope and Magisterium on issues of birth control, women’s rights, IVF, and stem cell research.
On the Humanist, etc. card, Follower Dedication should be 0/10 as there is no definitive organization similar to the Magisterium or even the Southern Baptist Convention (which operates like a Congressional franchise) to which those individuals can potentially follow. If there is an organized Humanist, etc. “church” it is completely autonomous from any other organization; their not even franchises.
Rastafarians should be included Age: no more than 40 yrs 1/10; wealth: depends on rainfall and federal agents 2/10. follower dedication: as strong as the herbal supplements 5/10. Daffiest doctrine: Haile Selassie is Lord 8/10. Weapon of choice: bong, reggae, dreadlocks, 9/10. Easily offended: Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day 1/10. TPFD
2 others that should be included although someone else needs to do the specifics are druid and voodoo.
The Catholic card looks like they took a antisemitic caricature and put it in a Cardinal’s outfit.
Graculus @67: Well, that’s why you have special exposure towers for the vultures. It’s not like they leave the bodies on the porch for the birds to peck at.
What??? No Cephalopod card???
Zounds, the universe isn’t complete without a Cephalopod card.
Anybody care to write up the stats for one?
CULT OF CTHULHU
Age: Meaningless. The Old Ones have always been and will always be, and once you see them you won’t worry about such trivial things as time either. (?/10)
Wealth: All spent on HPL Historical Society audio dramas. The Necronomicon doesn’t seem to have a spell for wealth — well, except for a wealth of shoggoths, which won’t make your creditors happy. (1/10)
Follower dedication: Cthulhu-themed words for Christmas carols, Lolthulhu, Japanese pictures. (4/10)
Daffiest doctrine: Um, Great Cthulhu and the Other Gods are evil, cruel and vicious beings (Totally different from all other religions!), but rather than being actively malicious they just don’t care about you. They’re a bit like Microsoft, actually. (2/10)
Weapon of choice: A 1880 copy of Webster’s, with words of more than six syllables shakily underlined. A margin note says ‘I have seen the Old Ones! There is no space and no time, and it is coming through the window even as I writ—‘, followed by a drop of blood. (8/10)
Easily offended? Not at all! Those who we don’t like will be kept safe and cozy to witness the full awfulness of the Coming of the Eldritch-Gibbous Elder Gods! Then the cultists will be eaten first, and the others left to slowly perish under the pseudopod feet of the implacable Tsathoggua, Shub-Niggurath et al. (0/10)
Scientologist Daffiest Doctrine should rate 11/10!
Thanks for saving me the trouble.