I need one of these


Some outfit called the Christian Outdoorsman is selling bibles with camouflaged covers, which seems so appropriate — after all, when you’re sneaking up on the Christ you wouldn’t want to alarm him.


And why, you might ask, should we sneak up on the Messiah? The clue is in the company’s logo. You want to line him up in your sights. This is brilliant — we don’t do crucifixions anymore, but if we take out Jesus II with a sniper rifle, the Vatican won’t have to change the monograms on their towels.

(via SEB)


  1. says

    Apparently, you’d not familiar with hunting country. To be honest, I’m more surprised you have to work so hard to find a company doing this.

  2. uknesvuinng says

    Perhaps you aren’t too familiar with Christian logos, Chuck…

    On the other hand, it’s not a blatant, bordering-on-trademark-infringement rip-off of a preexisting commercial logo, so you may be right.

  3. says

    If you run into a band of atheists in the woods, and it’s not atheist season, you must have a way to hide and/or sneak up on them for a conversion (since killing doesn’t start until november).

  4. uknesvuinng says

    I hope they’re careful not to pierce the bowel when field-dressing Christ. It’d contaminate the communion.

  5. says

    Remind me again which part of the Bible permits:
    – Killing things for fun. (Whether they’re animals, brown, or poor.)
    – Owning a gun for play while others starve and suffer.
    – Owning a gun which is an inherent evil per one of those nice ole Ten Commandments.

  6. skyotter says

    the best part is that they have li’l versions for the kiddies. one comes in pink!

  7. says

    Become an Authorized Christian Outdoorsman® Product Dealer
    Are you Christian? Are you a retailer? Would you like to use your retail store to encourage and equip outdoorsmen in their spiritual walk? We would like to help.

    Atheists are so rude to be intolerant of models of tolerance such as these fine folk.

  8. NickM says

    Why the hell would you need to have your Bible camouflaged? Presumably, when you’re in the act of hunting, you’re not reading. Presumably, when you’re reading, you’re not hunting. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have your book – whatever it is – in Blaze Orange?

    Or am I misinformed about hunting?

  9. J-Dog says

    Jesus Christ – Sometimes “reality” is just too effing funny.

    Where’s that damn verse that will help me get that buck in my sights again?

  10. says

    We sell these at Bass Pro Shops where I work; although I’m not sure if they’re from the same outfit. While we sell a full line of camo hunting clothing; we also sell camo bikinis, lingerie, baby clothes, pacifiers, wallpaper, bedspreads, toiler seats, etc. If it’s camo, your average redneck will buy it.

  11. says

    Why the hell would you need to have your Bible camouflaged?…Or am I misinformed about hunting?

    Maybe it’s a mashup of “The Greatest Story Ever Told” and “The Most Dangerous Game”: “The Most Dangerous Game Ever Told”.

  12. anon1234 says

    I once saw a camouflage condom.

    The package read “Never let them see you coming.”

  13. tsg says

    “Hey Jeb, whatcher lookin’ fer?”

    “Mah Bahbull. I done dropped it and now I cain’t find it.”

  14. ancientTechie says

    Recently moved neighbors were into all things camo: they probably have one of these books. One morning, six guys were in their front yard preparing to go duck hunting, dressed head to toe in camo, including combat boots, carrying big shotguns featuring ersatz military styling, and blowing on their duck calls: quack, quack, quack, quack, quack… Super macho!

  15. bernarda says

    “Shoot ’em in the face” Cheney is an exemplary xian sportsman.

    But really, xian sportsmen would be wrestling lions bare-handed.

  16. tony says

    bernarda: xian sportsmen wouldshould be wrestling lions bare-handed.

    If they actually *were* we’d all be cheering!

    The lions, that is ;)

  17. Mooser says

    The only to outdoor sports specifically mentioned in the Bible is camping.
    What, you don’t remember Jael, wife of Heber, and her tent-peg?
    Now there’s a girl you want to have along on your next backpacking trip!

  18. Dizzlski says

    The US Navy gives out camo versions of the gospels and psalms, in both forest and desert. The building I work in has boxes of them.

  19. Josh says

    I’m sort of surprised they’ve never issued us bibles. I can just see it on a TOE list:

    Bible, Christian, olive drab, 1 each

    They might even have a paragraph in AR 670-1 describing proper wear and display of said book and with which uniforms it was authorized.

  20. Mooser says

    I confess, I won a prize for Scripture Knowledge in school by writing the chapter-and-verse stuff on my shirt-cuffs.
    Religious, why yes I am, very, but I have no memory for numbers.

  21. raindogzilla says

    I understand the theory behind it, but engaging in cross-species proxy watersports- by anointing oneself with doe urine, just takes all the fun out of it for me. And who follows the doe around waiting for nature to call? I suppose the camo not-so-good book would help in prayers to let one catch the crafty critter…

  22. NJ Osprey says

    Just what you need right next to your copy of the State hunting regulations.

    Sitting in your deer stand or working the hedge rows for upland birds, you want to make sure that the critters you are planning on blowing to kingdom come are, in fact, allowed by the Big Game Warden in the Sky.

    Always have a handy reference to Leviticus. Never wonder about the proper, biblical way to dispatch that wounded dinner-to-be. Amen.

  23. Steve_HT says

    Seen on a bumper sticker in Oklahoma:

    Jesus is coming, but don’t worry, we’ll nail him again.

  24. grasshopper says

    This is old news. I tried to shoot Jesus, but the bible in his breast pocket stopped the bullet.

  25. Nomen Nescio says

    given how the believers ended up wearing the instrument of his previous death around their necks, i still say we strangle ‘im with a condom when he returns. because i so, totally, want to see the pope wearing a rubber.

  26. Curtis says

    if you wanted to camouflage a bible, wouldn’t you just put a dust-jacket of Ulysses over it or something?

  27. says

    When my brother was in the Marines, he had a New Testament with a camouflage color. That was over 20 years ago, so I guess they have been around for a while now.

  28. wildcardjack says

    Cost to produce the insides of a NKJV bible? $2 or $3 bucks.
    Cost to produce a moss oak cover? $1

    Selling a $3 item for $49.99? Priceless.

    I’m a rather thick skinned used book dealer. I take better profit margins all the time. And yes, I’m an atheist that sells christian books because it’s what I find profit in.

  29. Hank Fox says

    Dopey bastards. You can’t sneak up on Jesus — he has full-time laser-enhanced Soul Radar, the Ex-Crucis Evil Detection System, Holy Ghost cloaking technology, plus Son-O-God Smart Armor. Not to mention the Proactive Angelic Response Team (armed with .50 caliber Goodness & Mercy depleted-Jeezium rounds) that surrounds him 24/7.

  30. bernarda says

    I thought that xians were out hunting for souls. None of the tools mentioned seem very apt for that.

    It is too bad the site doesn’t offer kevlar “magic underwear”, maybe then the 5 Romney sons might feel safe enough to join the army and bring the word to Iraqis.

  31. ajay says

    Well, obviously, if you want your Bible to stop the bullet (as in the famous myth) you want it to match the rest of your ACUs…

  32. says

    good heavens!!! Is this real? They are crazy! It’s frightening to imagine a group of men in the fores wearing those clothes, and reading the bible while wait to shoot a deer. Fanaticism seems to be a plague in your country, I really hope that people like you could fight with this madness.
    From this side of the Atlantic sea, Thanks and good luck!

    P.S. Sorry because of the spelling mistakes, English is not my mother tonge…

  33. Faithful Reader says

    All right, it depresses me to see the comments stereotyping hunters as trigger-happy lackwits. You know perfectly well that many of them know and care and do much more about the environment that many an indignant anti-hunter.

  34. says

    All this Jesus and gun talk has given me a new understanding of Psalm 58:7 “…when he bendeth his bow to shoot his arrows, let them be as cut in pieces.”

    Just like God gave us television technology to get His Word to the world, he obviously, gave us weapons technology to develop a more efficient way to destroy His enemies.


  35. BG says

    And the camo holy book doubles as survival gear: you can wipe your ass with the pages, use them as tinder, tack them to trees as you’re wandering around hopelessly lost (gives the search teams something to spot), stuff them in your clothes and boots as insulation, and cover your sucking chest wound with them (sustained after you’ve fallen asleep while waiting on a deer and fallen out of your tree stand, inadvertently shooting yourself).

    Faithful Reader: relax, breathe, relax… Yes, yes, we all know that many hunters are not trigger-happy lackwits, but any hunter who carries a camo bible with him/her in the field surely qualifies in the lackwit category.

  36. says

    Silly epoles, din’tcha read that part what says “to better conceal it from your prey”? ‘Cuz you know there’s wild animals out there lookin’ fer bibles, and you don’t want ’em to git yours!

  37. Peter Barber says

    Erm – what happens when you crack open your camo bible to find inspiration for that big kill? What colour are the pages?

    “Don’t attack until you see the whites of their Isaiah!”

  38. Deepsix says

    Making money in the name of Jesus- an age old Christian tradition.

    And yes, hunters are predominantly christian. I’d say about 99.99%. I make up the .01%. I try not to reveal that fact when I’m surrounded by men with guns.

  39. dwarf zebu says

    Well those folks do have a sense of humor.

    Funnier than they think, I’ll wager.
    Karl L.

    That joke was lifted from an old Emo Philips bit. These people are not even original.

    Still funny, though it sailed right over the head of my fundy aunt. She has a recording of the joke on audio tape from a Dr. Demento radio show from the 1980s.

    Dopey bastards. You can’t sneak up on Jesus — he has full-time laser-enhanced Soul Radar, the Ex-Crucis Evil Detection System, Holy Ghost cloaking technology, plus Son-O-God Smart Armor. Not to mention the Proactive Angelic Response Team (armed with .50 caliber Goodness & Mercy depleted-Jeezium rounds) that surrounds him 24/7.
    Posted by: Hank Fox | August 14, 2007 11:53 PM

    Or there’s the short version I saw on a thread about RPG gaming:

    Jesus saves. All others take full damage.

  40. says

    Now about that logo…

    In the world of outdoorsmanship, you have camping, hiking, climbing, orienteering, kayaking, biking, swimming, paintball, airsoft, and for the truly degenerate hashing. Interesting that this bunch picks crosshairs, i.e. hunting, as their symbol.