Welp… Guess I’m a Terrorist, Now…

Okay… I should probably qualify that title a bit… thanks to my anxiety, I haven’t actually participated in many protests (though I’m working up the courage to actually start participating in more… and I have participated in dialogues and such). Plus, despite realizing that I’m not a pacifist, I’m actually a coward who’s usual reaction to face-to-face conflict is to curl up into the fetal position and cry for Mommy. So… you know…

However, I do support Antifa and consider myself Antifa, and I’m friends and comrades with Antifa. Despite the qualifications above, I am part of it… or at least I try to be…

So… that title? It’s not clickbait.

The DHS has officially classified Antifa as a domestic terrorist organization.

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has formally classified the activities of anti-fascist groups (antifa) as “domestic terrorist violence” since early 2016, according to confidential law enforcement documents obtained by Politico and interviews.

Federal authorities have reportedly warned state and local officials the antifa has become “increasingly confrontational” in efforts to thwart white supremacist groups.

Newly disclosed documents show authorities believed “anarchist extremists” were the main cause of violence at a number of public rallies. A confidential 2016 joint intelligence assessment by DHS and the FBI blamed the antifa for attacks on a range of targets, including police, government institutions and symbols of “the capitalist system.”

Hello! My name is Nathan Hevenstone. And I am… apparently… according to people who somehow don’t know what terrorism is despite it being their jobs to know… a terrorist.

(And since there’s now a more-than-zero chance [even though it’s most definitely close enough to zero to be essentially zero] that I’m being monitored…)

To the DHS, FBI, etc…


Welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy what you read!

Err… well… you might not, actually, since I’m pretty darn critical of the government and don’t consider myself a patriot of the United States. Don’t worry… I only plan on exercise my freedom of speech and my right to vote. I hate the second amendment, guns, and weapons in general. But regardless… since you’re monitoring me, now, I’ll be sure call y’all out every once in a while.

Don’t be lurkers! Feel free to interact with my commenters and I! I’m always looking for suggestions for Great Guitar Solos, if you have any you enjoy quite a lot…


  1. blf says

    Dear Mr Nathan “Terrorist Teapot” Hevenstone,

    The University of Guantanamo would like to invite you to a long-term all-expenses paid residency on the beautiful island of Cuba. Your expertise in kowtowing to progressive causes makes you an ideal partner in our extensive attitude adjustment project. You will have the honored position of the Orange Suit Professorship, with a wide-ranging freedom to pursue studies in such exciting areas as fascist fear-mongering and Russian fakery.

    The University of Guantanamo — or “Gitmo” as it’s fondly called — is highly regarded for its projects exploring American exceptionalism and other areas of fascist thought, with a world-renown Islam Learning Center. Our water sports teams are consistently champions.

    Your skills, knowledge, experience, interests, ideas, and desires make you, in our opinion, an ideal choice for the position. Gitmo offers free housing in luxurious conditions, with none of the daily tedium: We want our valued people to be unconcerned and uninhibited, able to enjoy fine living and contemplate challenging questions at all times, day and night, with the assistance of our dedicated trained professional and very friendly staff.

    We invite you to visit Gitmo to further understand and experience this offer. Just step outside and wave at one of the drones, and our waiting team of Navy Seals will whisk you on a chartered CIAir flight to visit.

    Looking forward to meeting you — soon,
    General J.D.Ripper,
    Dean, Trump Koolaid Knowing sKool at the University of Guantanamo

  2. johnson catman says

    White supremacists and nazis who come to protests heavily armed and sporting body armor and assault and kill those who find their ideologies despicable are not terrorists, but those that they assault and kill are. Got it. Our government is SO fucked up.

  3. says

    If everyone is a terrorist, then that solves the problem. Now, the question is how to expand the pool of terrorists and known terrorism associates.

    Do you have any friends who work in law enforcement? Swap emails with them regularly. 🙂

  4. says

    blf @ #1:

    Dear General J.D. Ripper,

    I apologize, but I’m going to have to turn down your generous offer. I have music to write, internets to surf, and money to make. Terrorist or not, the Teavana store I work at is severely understaffed as it is… they need my help to be to stay afloat while our manager actually hires more people. True, Teavana is going out of business (sad, isn’t it?), but not until spring of 2018, and we hope our store will be one of the last ones to close. Plus, if I lose this $10 an hour, that’s less money going into the economy, and isn’t doing my part to keep our Capitalist economy afloat a patriotic thing for me to do?

    Speaking of which! Are you looking for holiday gifts for your family this year? Consider doing your holiday shopping at Teavana.

    Nathan Hevenstone

    (Not actually a terrorist, but then y’all don’t actually know what a terrorist is, do you?)


    Marcus Ranum @ #3:

    Not personally, but law enforcement officers attend the synagogue my dad is clergy of. Plus, I work as a team member at a Teavana in a mall.

    Jeez… the amount of people I interact with on a daily basis… they’ll have to interview hundreds… no… thousands of people…

  5. blf says

    Dear Mr Nathan “Terrorist Teapot” Hevenstone,

    Thank you for your prompt and courteous reply to my invitation to join a distinguished group at the University of Guantanamo. Please accept my apologies for the delay in replying, it took my staff awhile to reassemble your letter after the bomb squad blew it up. (In addition, there’s a hurricane in the area, but as usual we’re already in contact with HAARP about that, albeit I cannot reveal precise details. And we have very strong bunkers here ready for any eventuality.)

    Your letter does suggest an interesting possibility. The “inmates” — as they jokingly refer to themselves (we’re quite a fun-loving bunch here) — adore tea, but sadly, there isn’t a specialist tea shop in the area. The musically-accomplished locals (another advantage of our Cuban location) do offer, however, a range of drinks which affect our precious bodily fluids.

    On the tea situation, I’ve already been in contact with CIAir, and it won’t be a problem to fly the rest of the staff, yourself, and the shop itself (including any customers who happen to inside at the time, who I must say our staff are very interested to talk to) here. The Seals tell me that will also make their job easier, as then they don’t need to decide who doesn’t travel. (Thanks for this suggestion on saving the taxpayer’s monies.) The entire operation will be reinstalled at a desirable location in the Gitmo campus, ready to resume as a proper tax-paying business. The transported additional staff and customers will be carefully looked after.

    This way, you can continue your patriotic duty to add to Our Glorious Leader’s income, making Americasorry Trumpica (I need to get used to the new name) yet greater, whilst also enjoying all the amenities and services available at Gitmo. And I feel there will be a queue of people for “the holidays”, which, I should point out, Gitmo being dedicated to equal-opportunities and thus having people from all over the world enjoying the finest Trumpica has to offer, has many cultural groups with their own musical traditions & holidays. You could probably have a unique “holiday special tea party” every week!

    I’m sure I can arrange a discussion and perhaps session with some of the more musically-inclined people here, please let me know if interested. The offer of the Orange Suit Professorship remains open, and can be combined with your patriotic tea partying & attitude adjustment. To all those ends, we have increased the number of drones awaiting your signal.

    Looking forward to meeting you — very soon,
    General J.D.Ripper,
    Dean, Trump Koolaid Knowing sKool at the University of Guantanamo

  6. says

    blf @ #5

    Dear General J.D. Ripper,

    Apologies for the late reply. I’ve had a long few days doing things like working, sleeping, blogging, and also researching this little “university” of yours. After my research, I am afraid that, yet again, I must turn down your generous offer. I simply have too much to do and too much to see. I’m not so sure about this “university” of yours (I fear that my research has turned up something that does not in any way look like a university… more like a frankly unconstitutional and probably internationally illegal prison), and so I will be searching to continue my education elsewhere.

    Have a great life,
    Nathan Hevenstone

  7. methuseus says

    Caine directed me here. I’m trying to get more knowledgeable about Antifa.

    I will say this: there’s no reason to consider yourself to not be a patriot. If you actually care about what the USA stood for, and want to bring that about, then I would say you’re a patriot. If you just want to smash the system to bits and don’t care what comes of it, then you’re really not a patriot. I personally would not call myself a patriot because I’m not doing any of the work to bring about the freedom and equality that the USA should stand for. I’m too jaded and don’t think the system can be saved, but I don’t know what to do about it.

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