Venn Diagram Vent: When whining goes wrong

As a foreigner living abroad, other foreigners can be very embarrassing, and not just those involved and murder and the drug trade.

A foreigner living in Taiwan who calls himself “the salty egg” is infamous for his “blog” full of his ignorance, sexism, racism and all-round stupidity.  But his latest post, “The Whiny Women of Taiwan”, take’s the pig’s blood cake.  I won’t quote it, read it at your own (white) peril.

I wrote a rebuttal, The Whiny White Males In Asia, advice for any white male considering life abroad and isn’t married.

My experience over eighteen years in Asia is that White Males who date women in country fall into these categories:

1) Lonely: The ones who want to meet women. Desperately. As I tell people, “If you can’t go three days without having a conversation, don’t live abroad.” Never get involved because you have a short term need for attention.

2) Proselytizers: Religious fanatics who view it as a “right” and “duty” to spew religion in other people’s countries. I’ve heard of some who “date, impregnate and vacate”, running away from children and legal responsibilities.

3) Incels: Those who couldn’t get a date at home go abroad, ignorantly believing that women in these countries can’t spot a loser. Trust me, women are smart everywhere.

4) Abusers: Those who hope that because they aren’t as awful as local men (in countries where Intimate Partner Violence is still common) they will somehow be more attractive.

5) Mail Order Bride Takeout: Unscrupulous companies used to matchmake women who wanted to emigrate with men who can’t get dates at home or women won’t date them. Some of those Mite Whales started going abroad to find women themselves.

6) “Yellow Fever”: The subtle racism of fetishizing a country, culture and language (e.g. weeaboos).

While the Venn Diagram of these groups is far from being a circle, there is a LOT of overlap (e.g. 2&6, 3&4&5, etc.). I knew a fundy who married a Korean woman, took her back to his country and physically and mentally abused her.

Bottom line:

1) Every country is pretty much the same except for basket cases like North Korea, China, Somalia, Zimbabwe and the US.

2) People in other countries don’t act, they react. If you’re nice, they’ll be nice. If you’re a jerk, they won’t talk to you. Nobody is obligated to kiss your posterior.

3) People are smart everywhere, except for those blinded by propaganda (i.e. those who think another country is a utopia of “freedumb”). Be honest about your country’s flaws.

4) If you’re white, never claim “racism” while abroad. First off, racism requires systematic oppression by government and every other system within a country. Second, the way white people are treated in non-white countries is far better than how they would be treated if they visited yours. They would never yell “speak my language!” at you but your country wouldn’t hesitate to do that if they visited yours.

This is not the be-all-and-end-all list, and I’ve probably got a few things wrong.  But if you do consider living abroad, be sure of your motivations and have realistic expectations.  And as I said near the top: If you can’t go three days without having a conversation, don’t live abroad because that often happens in a country where you don’t speak the language.  Clingy and needy people tend not to last, or take up bad habits.  I knew an Irishman in South Korea who got involved with the moonie cult, and seen many turn to heavy drinking.


  1. says

    As I tell people, “If you can’t go three days without having a conversation, don’t live abroad.”

    Or learn the local language. My experience is that people have been very friendly with me and patiently tolerated all the grammar mistakes I kept making in their languages.

    Granted, whiny native English speakers have a tendency to imagine that other people must learn English and accommodate the language preferences of Americans.

  2. witm says

    That is a good list. I was definitely somewhere in category 6, but I was married before moving abroad. Now I’m definitely not in category 6. Nothing like living somewhere for a long time to knock some sense into ones head.

    In response to Andreas:
    Even with language you may still easily go three days without anything except talking to a shop clerk, especially if you are living in a rural area, have a vacation, or don’t have friends and/or hobbies. Even with a hobby, you might not talk for a long time. It took me almost a year of training closely with people before I got comfortable regularly talking to them outside of really simple stuff like the schedule or fee payments etc. It is incredibly hard to move seamlessly into a group as a foreigner, even with good language skills.