Etiquette Rules: Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You

Normally I have little patience for the Washington Compost, but a recent item has made the rounds in certain communities: new rules for telephone etiquette. And I have to say I’m in agreement with most of them, and not just for my own reasons.

One of the biggest reasons for new rules is phone anxiety aka telephobia, which is a real thing.   (From Popular Science: “Phone anxiety is real—and solvable”.) Some people have difficulty speaking on the phone, even those able to speak in front of large groups.  Whether it’s the disembodied voice or the intrusiveness of a ringing phone, it affects some people.  Sending a text isn’t a hardship, and unlike a call, it’s not a demand for an instant response.  From the Washington Post:

The new phone call etiquette: Text first and never leave a voice mail

September 25, 2023 at 6:00 a.m. EDT

Phone calls have been around for 147 years, the iPhone 16 years and FaceTime video voice mails about a week.

Not surprisingly, how we make calls has changed drastically alongside advances in technology. Now people can have conversations in public on their smartwatches, see voice mails transcribed in real time and dial internationally midday without stressing about the cost.

The phone norms also change quickly, causing some people to feel left behind or confused. The unwritten rules of chatting on the phone differ wildly between generations, leading to misunderstandings and frustration on all sides.

We spoke to an etiquette expert and people of all ages about their own phone pet peeves to come up with the following guidance to help everyone navigate phone calls in 2023.

These will vary depending on your relationship, your age and the context of the call. The closer you are to someone, the less the rules apply. Go ahead, FaceTime your mom with no warning while brushing your teeth.

Their list of new rules is below the fold, with shortened versions written by myself (to avoid mass copying and pasting of the original and copyright issues).

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A Close Call: Twice

Tuesday, September 26th marks the anniversary of a significant event which, had events gone differently, we wouldn’t be writing or reading this.

It was forty years ago today that Stanislav Petrov (September 7, 1939 to May 19, 2017) saved the world by doing nothing.  He was the duty officer at the command center for the Oko nuclear early-warning system in the USSR.  It was barely three weeks after the Soviet Union shot down Korean Airlines Flight 007 killing nearly 300 people, and tensions between the US and USSR were near boiling.  Imagine how  things would have gone if Ronnie Raygun’s “we have outlawed Russia and begin bombing in five minutes” buffoonery of August 1984 had happened a year earlier.

From the BBC, September 2013:

Stanislav Petrov: The man who may have saved the world

Thirty years ago, on 26 September 1983, the world was saved from potential nuclear disaster.

In the early hours of the morning, the Soviet Union’s early-warning systems detected an incoming missile strike from the United States. Computer readouts suggested several missiles had been launched. The protocol for the Soviet military would have been to retaliate with a nuclear attack of its own.

But duty officer Stanislav Petrov – whose job it was to register apparent enemy missile launches – decided not to report them to his superiors, and instead dismissed them as a false alarm.

This was a breach of his instructions, a dereliction of duty. The safe thing to do would have been to pass the responsibility on, to refer up.
But his decision may have saved the world.

“I had all the data [to suggest there was an ongoing missile attack]. If I had sent my report up the chain of command, nobody would have said a word against it,” he told the BBC’s Russian Service 30 years after that overnight shift.

Mr Petrov – who retired with the rank of lieutenant colonel and now lives in a small town near Moscow – was part of a well-trained team which served at one of the Soviet Union’s early warning bases, not far from Moscow. His training was rigorous, his instructions very clear.

His job was to register any missile strikes and to report them to the Soviet military and political leadership. In the political climate of 1983, a retaliatory strike would have been almost certain.

And yet, when the moment came, he says he almost froze in place.

“The siren howled, but I just sat there for a few seconds, staring at the big, back-lit, red screen with the word ‘launch’ on it,” he says.

The system was telling him that the level of reliability of that alert was “highest”. There could be no doubt. America had launched a missile.

“A minute later the siren went off again. The second missile was launched. Then the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. Computers changed their alerts from ‘launch’ to ‘missile strike’,” he says.

Mr Petrov smokes cheap Russian cigarettes as he relates the incidents he must have played over countless times in his mind.

“There was no rule about how long we were allowed to think before we reported a strike. But we knew that every second of procrastination took away valuable time; that the Soviet Union’s military and political leadership needed to be informed without delay.

“All I had to do was to reach for the phone; to raise the direct line to our top commanders – but I couldn’t move. I felt like I was sitting on a hot frying pan,” he told us.

Although the nature of the alert seemed to be abundantly clear, Mr Petrov had some doubts.

Alongside IT specialists, like him, Soviet Union had other experts, also watching America’s missile forces. A group of satellite radar operators told him they had registered no missiles.

But those people were only a support service. The protocol said, very clearly, that the decision had to be based on computer readouts. And that decision rested with him, the duty officer.

But what made him suspicious was just how strong and clear that alert was.

“There were 28 or 29 security levels. After the target was identified, it had to pass all of those ‘checkpoints’. I was not quite sure it was possible, under those circumstances,” says the retired officer.

Mr Petrov called the duty officer in the Soviet army’s headquarters and reported a system malfunction.

If he was wrong, the first nuclear explosions would have happened minutes later.

“Twenty-three minutes later I realised that nothing had happened. If there had been a real strike, then I would already know about it. It was such a relief,” he says with a smile.

Now, 30 years on, Mr Petrov thinks the odds were 50-50. He admits he was never absolutely sure that the alert was a false one.

He says he was the only officer in his team who had received a civilian education. “My colleagues were all professional soldiers, they were taught to give and obey orders,” he told us.

So, he believes, if somebody else had been on shift, the alarm would have been raised.

A few days later Mr Petrov received an official reprimand for what happened that night. Not for what he did, but for mistakes in the logbook.

He kept silent for 10 years. “I thought it was shameful for the Soviet army that our system failed in this way,” he says.

But, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, the story did get into the press. Mr Petrov received several international awards.

But he does not think of himself as a hero.

“That was my job”, he says. “But they were lucky it was me on shift that night.”

There are other items worth reading:

NPR’s obituary on Petrov from 2017

Vox News have today updated their 2018 story on Petrov

The US wasn’t immune to false alarms about Soviet nuclear missile attacks, having suffered multiple events in 1979 and 1980.  The difference there was the number of people involved.  Unlike Petrov (a single man’s judgement) or Vasily Arkhipov (two against one in an argument on a B-59 submarine during the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis), NORAD had several layers of decision making and fact checking before any decision to launch would be made.

It appears again that the Russians have learnt nothing from this in how their command structure is causing so many losses in Ukraine.  Go ahead, keep making the same mistakes . . . just as long as you’re not launching nuclear weapons.

From George Washington University:

False Warnings of Soviet Missile Attacks Put U.S. Forces on Alert in 1979-1980

Washington D.C., March 16, 2020 – During the Cold War, false alarms of missile attacks were closely held matters although news of them inevitably leaked. Today the National Security Archive revisits the false alerts of the Jimmy Carter administration when on four occasions warning screens showed hundreds and hundreds of Soviet ballistic missiles heading toward North America.

In a reposting and update of a 2012 collection, the Archive includes recently declassified documents with new details about the 1979 and 1980 false warnings. One document, notes by William Odom, the military assistant to National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski, raises questions as to whether Odom called the latter in the middle of the night about the possibility that Soviet ICBMs were incoming. Such a phone call was a major element of the 2012 posting, but Odom’s notes on the 3 June 1980 false alarm make the picture murkier. The only certainty is when Odom spoke to Brzezinski that day, he assured him he had kept the White House “in the loop” during the period of the false alarm.

The false alarms of 1979 and 1980 instigated major efforts to ensure that computers did not generate mistaken information that could trigger a nuclear war. In today’s world where more medium size to great powers, such as North Korea and China,either have ICBMs or are testing them the potential for false alarms is growing.

[ . . . ]

Recently declassified documents about false warning incidents during 1979-1980 – supplementing materials first posted on this site in 2012 – are being published today for the first time by the National Security Archive. The erroneous warnings, variously produced by computer tapes of war games and worn out computer chips, led to alert actions by U.S. bomber and missile forces and the emergency airborne command post, actions that could have led to a superpower confrontation, or at least dangerous tensions, if they had gone any further.

When the original version of this posting went online in 2012 the editor assumed that a false alarm of a missile attack on 9 November 1979 had prompted the middle-of-the-night phone call described above, but old and new evidence suggests that the false alert of 3 June 1980 was the only one where a middle-of-the night phone call would have been possible. The false alert of 9 November 1979 took place in the mid-morning when a war game test tape was mistakenly inserted in a NORAD computer at Cheyenne Mountain. Although a middle-of-the-nighr phone call does not fit those circumstance, it does fit the false alarm on 3 June 1980, which occurred in the very early morning period after midnight. During the half-hour before defense officials agreed there was an error, radar screens at the Pentagon and the Strategic Air Command (SAC) had shown that 200 submarine-launched ballistic missiles and then 2020 intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs) were heading toward North America. Yet, no such data appeared on warning screens at NORAD.

The incident on 3 June 1980 was the third false alert since November 1979. The November incident was widely reported and alarmed the Soviet leadership, which lodged a complaint with Washington about the “extreme danger” of false warnings. While Pentagon officials were trying to prevent future incidents, Secretary of Defense Harold Brown warned President Carter that false warnings were virtually inevitable, although he tried to reassure the president that “human safeguards” would prevent them from getting out of control.

A Quick Thought To Say…

Regarding the Beatoffjuice . . . I mean, Beetlejuice show and rightwingnut hypocrisy:

Rightwing outrage is reserved for when women Bobbitt a penis, not when women Boebert a penis.

At least when Pee Wee Herman did it, nobody in the theatre objected.

They Were Naive: How North Korea tricked 94,000 people into moving there

Two videos from the South China Morning Post about the mass migration of 94,000 ethnic “Zainichi” Koreans from Japan to North Korea.  Below the fold is a second video on how North Korea persuaded ethnic Koreans into leaving Japan.

Today this wouldn’t happen, but from 1959 to 1984, people were naive enough to believe the propaganda.  Imperial Japan’s brutal occupation of the Korean peninsula lasted 35 years, an estimated 670,000 people were forcibly moved to Japan and Sakhalin Island during Japan’s colonial era and the war.  After the war, they were treated no better.  As part of the “1952 San Francisco Peace Treaty” the US and Japan signed, Japanese citizenship for ethnic Koreans living in Japan was revoked, they were treated as foreigners living there, despite the fact that most alive after 1951 were born in Japan, many unable to speak Korean.  It was made clear they were unwanted, so when North Korea lied about having a “Korean paradise”, they were willing to believe it.  Post WWII, South Korea remained an agricultural society and trailed North Korea economically for many years (the Korean War certainly didn’t help), explaining why some were willing to believe the north was better.

You don’t even have to watch the full video to understand the horror, how those who moved there realized they had made a horrible mistake.  Just look at the still photo preview and other pictures of Hyangsu Park (the woman interviewed) and her family when she visited them in North Korea.  Her face is full of hope, joy, love, concern.  Her family’s faces are rigid, terrified of showing any emotion, words, or actions that could land them in a prison camp.  A fate which eventually befell Park’s entire family.

She tells how family members in North Korea would send letters asking for things, which those in Japan happily sent.

Then her uncle sent a letter asking only for a balloon.  He had given up hope.  All he wanted was to escape.

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Nothing Changed: Soviet incompetence was always Russian incompetence

It was forty years ago today, September 1, 1983, that the Soviet military shot down Korean Air Lines flight 007, killing 246 passengers and 23 crew members. It took six days for the Soviets to admit they screwed up, that they thought it was a US military spy plane.  There was never any legal accountability, no compensation to the victims’ families, and no bodies were recovered due to scavengers on the seabed.  As if tensions between the US and USSR weren’t high enough in 1983, and this before the next US v USSR story to come….

At the time, the US was flying surveillance missions in the north Pacific, near Japan.  The Soviets were aware and were watching, and tracking on radar any plane that didn’t have a signal they could confirm.  Of course the US planes weren’t going to say, “yoo hoo, here’s who we are and what we’re doing!” but the Soviets weren’t looking out for commercial civilian craft either.

These were the days long before GPS, so KAL 007 was checking its position by beacons on the ground.  This was also an overnight flight, so they were completely dependent on instruments.  September 7th was a New Moon, the sky almost completely dark.

After leaving Alaskan air space, they took what they thought was a more southerly route that would take them safely over Japan.  Instead, they mistook the beacon signals, and they flew over the Kamchatka Peninsula and Sakhalin Island.  Directly over Soviet military installations.

When the Soviets initially intercepted the plane, they attempted communications on military frequencies, assuming it was a US military spy aircraft.  Because civilian and military use different frequencies, the Soviets assumed the KAL pilots were ignoring their instructions. They flew behind KAL 007 (the obvious position for firing missiles), so the KAL crew had no idea they were being followed.

After a long period up and down the chain of command, the order was given to destroy the plane while still in Soviet airspace.  The exploding and burning plane fell into the Sea of Japan, just off the southwest coast of Sakhalin Island.

History.com: Korean Airlines flight shot down by Soviet Union

CNN, 2013: The downing of Flight 007: 30 years later, a Cold War tragedy still seems surreal

SimpleFlying.com: 747 Shootdown: The Story Of Korean Air Lines Flight 007

Britannica.com: Korean Air Lines flight 007

I wouldn’t say this video is perfect or 100% true, but it sums up events well and presents enough facts accurately to be worth quoting.

While it’s still unconfirmed how Prigozhin’s plane was downed, there’s no argument that Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 was shot down by a Russian missile on July 17, 2014, while it was flying over Ukraine.  298 people were murdered in that war crime which happened during Russia’s attempted annexation of Crimea.

If there are any airplane crashes within Russia over the next year, it will likely be due to poor maintenance and parts being unavailable due to sanctions.  Russia has had to go so far as outsourcing airplane repair to Iran.

Russian Airlines Ask Employees to Report Fewer Aircraft Malfunctions – Proekt

Russia’s flagship airline Aeroflot has asked its employees to refrain from recording equipment defects on aircraft, leading to planes regularly flying with malfunctions, according to the investigative news outlet Proekt, citing current and former employees at the airline. 

A former employee at Aeroflot explained that the policy, in force since last spring, was introduced “to prevent aircraft from being grounded due to a defect, which, according to regulations, prohibits the aircraft from flying until it is fixed.”

A technical specialist at Aeroflot corroborated this information while adding that the same unofficial practice is now followed by other airlines in order to keep aircraft in the sky.

A former pilot at Nordwind Airlines told Proekt about a January incident at the Kazan international airport when fuel started leaking during the start-up of a Boeing 737’s engines. The pilot recalled that technicians were unsurprised by the leak.

“It had happened several times before, but there were no records of it in the technical log book — the airline’s management asked us not to write anything,” the pilot said.

“The Russian attitude of betting on good luck also exists in aviation. Obviously, it’s frightening to fly on hope alone, but unfortunately, that’s what’s happening in many airlines in the country today,” he added.