Self Interest: World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day

Thursday, June 1st marks World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD), a global movement to raise the profile of narcissistic abuse, provide public education, resources for survivors, and effect policy change.   Add the hashtag #IfMyWoundsWereVisible to your facebook page if you were abused by a narcissist or know someone who was.  Flying Monkeys Denied is another site worth visiting.  It explains what a flying monkey is and how narcissists use them.

What are the traits of a narcissist?  Mystical Raven’s item about narcissistic mothers, but it can be anyone – parent, sibling, partner, employer, coworker, neighbor, “friend”, etc.

  1. Everything she does is deniable.
  2. She violates your boundaries.
  3. She favoritizes.
  4. She undermines.
  5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
  6. She makes you look crazy.
  7. She’s envious.
  8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count.
  9. She has to be the center of attention all the time.
  10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
  11. She’s selfish and willful.
  12. She’s self-absorbed.
  13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.
  14. She terrorizes.
  15. She’s infantile and petty.
  16. She’s aggressive and shameless.
  17. She “parentifies.”
  18. She’s exploitative.
  19. She projects.
  20. She is never wrong about anything.
  21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.
  22. She blames.
  23. She destroys your relationships.
  24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.

Both of my genetic donors displayed at least twenty of these traits.  I went No Contact sixteen years ago for good reason. My siblings, who are still under their control despite the two being dead, performed as flying monkeys when I attempted to avoid contact with them.

Blood relation is not a legal obligation.  Cutting all contact with blood relatives is considered a social taboo (“but they’re your family!”) and some question and interrogate those who make this decision.  But ask yourself: Would you tell a woman who left an abusive ex-husband to “forgive and reconcile”?  No, you wouldn’t.  So why does being blood related grant abusers special privilege?

A person’s obligation is to themselves, to their own physical and mental well being, even if others claim “their feelings are hurt”.  As with many forms of abuse:

  • Don’t question or doubt the person.
  • Don’t suggest it was something the person did.
  • Don’t “suggest forgiveness” – it’s already been tried.
  • Don’t “help” (read: don’t become a flying monkey) unless asked.
  • Listen, respect and support the person.



  1. kestrel says

    Awesome, a day to write on the calendar. To add to the list of sites, here is one I found helpful: Out of the FOG, FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. This site has info on many personality disorders but sure includes NPD. Here is their page on NPD: This helpfully lists the DSM criteria, as well as explaining what it’s like to be around these people. There is also a forum associated with this site where victims can discover they are not alone.

    The doctor who diagnosed our NPD suggested we go No Contact and we did… much to the disapproval of everyone else. It really saved our sanity and was the best thing we could do for ourselves. Our NPD died a year and a half ago, and to this day, people try and brush away the behavior as no big deal, as “feisty”, as whatever they can twist it into to try and make it normal. Plus, it’s a very conflicting position for us, because you are “supposed” to feel sad a person is dead. You can’t even talk about it, because everybody expects you to feel a certain way, and if you don’t feel that way, they think there is something wrong with *you*.