Wait, Isn’t The Election Over?

I just saw one of the Romney-affiliated PAC commercials. Four days after the election.

An abbreviated version of this one:

You know, the ad that was totally not coordinated with Romney’s claims that Jeeps were all going to be built in China?

I guess huge amounts of money don’t really care who actually wins the election. Keep telling the big lies, and no matter who is nominally in charge, control the conversation. The people have spoken, but there’s no reason to listen to them. They don’t have money.

Footprints In The Sand…

Red State Jesus and Blue State Jesus
Were walking along, on the beach;
Discussing the issues, the fervent opinions,
And policies favored by each.

Blue State Jesus and Red State Jesus
Had two very different lists
But you won’t find their footsteps at all, in the sand
Because neither one fucking exists.

So CNN has a weird story/survey up, in which you can test whether you believe in Red State Jesus or Blue State Jesus.

If elections are about choices, so is faith. And in Christianity, liberals and conservatives choose to see Jesus in different ways. Some liberals see Jesus as a champion of the poor who would support raising taxes on the wealthy, while some conservatives think Jesus would be more concerned with opposing abortion and same-sex marriage.

and the survey?

Perhaps most Christians follow not one Jesus, but many — including a bit of a red state Jesus and a bit of a blue state Jesus. We consulted several pastors and religion professors to come up with this voter’s guide to Jesus. Answer these questions, click “Submit” and see where you fall on the red state-blue state Jesus scale:

So… how did I do? I didn’t believe in either–I could not, in good conscience, click on either option of any of the ten questions.

The Mitt Romney Mega Prayer!

The facts are clear; you must admit
The time has come to pray for Mitt

The time has come, if you believe,
To pray all day—election eve

And if it works—as well it may—
We cannot lose, if we just stay
At home, and pray and pray and pray
From dawn to dusk, election day.

You have to follow that link. Or here, here it is again. I am told it is for real. It looks like a parody, but I think a parody would have, as my verse does, asked people to stay home and pray on election day. I just love the graphic design–it reminds me of a simpler time, a time when everyone was straight, white, and Christian. A fictional time, in other words. A time that never existed except in the whitewashed memories of a privileged group.

But it’s just so shiny!

It’s Not A Costume!

It coming up on Halloween, there are people putting on false appearances and trying to scare you… and there are people who are just plain scary when they are being themselves.

From a nearby paper, a letter to the editor today:

To the editor: You folks probably won’t print this, being a leftist leaning newspaper, even tho you print other letter authors two-three times a month, but here goes:

For those who haven’t done their research on this man, consider these facts.

1. He wants to finish removing every reference to God from all public institutions and schools.

2. Wants to increase federal income taxes.

3. Wants to abolish the 2nd Amendment and limit the 1st.

4. Appoint Supreme Court justices who will, will not strictly adhere to the Constitution.

5. Is for abortion, including public funding

6. Is pro gay agenda.

7. Has added $6 trillion to national debts, more than last ten presidents combined (can’t blame that on George Bush).

8. Is a rabid, radical socialist. Surround himself with socialists and Maxists (Van Jones, George XXX, SEIU, SOS, and on.)

10. Does not want a strong militant

11. Is not for developing our own energy resources. Will not allow off shore drilling, has shut down 20% of our coal mines, wants to shut them all down (can you say. “higher electric bills?”).

12. Apologizes to everyone (including Muslim countries who have murdered us) for this country.

13. His foreign policies have lessened our image to our allies, encouraged our enemies.

I could go on for gages, but I dare the reader to view the movie, “The Agenda” and read the book. “The Naked communist”. Very enlightening and very scary. I believe the average American isn’t fully aware of what’s happening to this country and further if I may be so bold, don’t want to be bothered with facts, their minds are made up.

Please, be an informed voter.

[name and city redacted–DC]

This person will vote. That’s scary.

But hey, other recent letters include the additional “facts” that Obama was born in Kenya, is a Muslim Atheist, and continues to eat roast dog in the White House (hey, it’s comfort food).

Horses And Bayonets (The Ballad Of Romney’s Run)

For weeks and weeks, for months and months
We battled toward the right
Outflanking arch-conservatives
We had to win the fight
We dropped opponents one by one
Who couldn’t keep the pace
Now we’re miles from the center
But at least we won that race

And it’s saddle up your horses, lads,
And fix your bayonets
We’re looking for some voters
So we’ll lie without regrets
We’ll ride hell-bent for leather
And we’ll cut our way with steel
We’ll tell the voters what they want
And act as if it’s real

When Perry fell, and Bachmann fell,
And Gingrich, too, and Cain,
We passed them—on the right, of course,
Their losses were our gain
We said the things we had to say
To pander to our base
Now we’re hell and gone from “moderate”
But at least we won that race.

And it’s saddle up your horses, lads,
And fix your bayonets
We’re looking for some voters
So we’ll lie without regrets
We’ll ride hell-bent for leather
And we’ll cut our way with steel
We’ll tell the voters what they want
And act as if it’s real

When we met at the convention
We were serving up raw meat
With partisans surrounding us,
No need to be discreet;
We’d hide our views if needed,
But it never was the case—
No leftist thoughts contaminate
Our winning of the race

And it’s saddle up your horses, lads,
And fix your bayonets
We’re looking for some voters
So we’ll lie without regrets
We’ll ride hell-bent for leather
And we’ll cut our way with steel
We’ll tell the voters what they want
And act as if it’s real

Now we need to reach the center
And it’s quite a dreadful hike
Are there undecided voters?
Then let’s tell them what they like
Once we know the stuff they like to hear
We’ll say it to their face
Sure, it seems a bit dishonest
But we have to win this race

And it’s saddle up your horses, lads,
And fix your bayonets
We’re looking for some voters
So we’ll lie without regrets
We’ll ride hell-bent for leather
And we’ll cut our way with steel
We’ll tell the voters what they want
And act as if it’s real

Now we’re sprinting to the finish
It’s a battle; it’s a war
And we need to reach the people
Who weren’t listening before
So we boldly bear false witness—
It’s forgiven, by God’s grace—
If we told the truth, unvarnished,
Then we wouldn’t win the race!

And it’s saddle up your horses, lads,
And fix your bayonets
We’re looking for some voters
So we’ll lie without regrets
We’ll ride hell-bent for leather
And we’ll cut our way with steel
We’ll tell the voters what they want
And act as if it’s real

Jesus-Ween Coming Up!

Someone, on Twitter (I think it was @BugGirl) was pointing out that JesusWeen is a real thing. With the Cuttlekids out of the nest for the most part, I had forgotten that it was that season again.

Good Grief!

The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen
Is Jesus-Ween.

At Jesus-Ween,
the zombies walk the earth—well, one, at least.
At Jesus-Ween,
there’s blood and body, ready for the feast
At Jesus-Ween,
the demons are afraid to show their heads
At Jesus-Ween,
good boys and girls are safely tucked in beds
At Jesus-Ween,
good Christian children keep their bibles handy
At Jesus-Ween,
we all refuse to eat satanic candy
At Jesus-Ween,
we steal another holiday for Jesus
At Jesus-Ween,
we wonder why the other people tease us.

I suspect that if, after Charlie Brown had gotten a rock in his trick-or-treat bag, some other kid had gotten the little green Gideon bible, even Charlie Brown would have pointed and laughed.

Yes, it’s a re-run.

Debate: The Least-Informed Are In Charge Of The Questions

There was a voter, undecided,
Though I cannot fathom why;
Perhaps a faulty compass guided
Him, as days and weeks flew by.
Friends would prod, and neighbors chided
“Such an indecisive guy!”
With rapt attention undivided
All would roll their eyes and sigh.
The networks parked where he resided
(Never was he camera-shy)
The interviews that he provided
Kept the ratings climbing high.

Today, as news-mobiles collided
In his yard, I caught his eye:
“If I decide”, the man confided,
“All these cameras say good-bye!”

Yeah, old verse. I’m still grading.

Pennsylvania Pol Panders, Protecting Public Pledge

“I pledge allegiance…” no, I don’t.
A public prayer? Again, I won’t.
My first amendment rights allow my protest in this case!

The Pennsylvania House, this week
Observed a Rep refuse to speak
The chairman made an issue just to pander to his base.

A Democrat refused to pray
Though why she did, I cannot say
Perhaps she knows that Jesus was opposed to public prayer

The chairman (from the GOP)
Decided (so it seems to me)
That pledging one’s allegiance is the government’s affair

The chairman doesn’t find it odd
To swear allegiance “under God”
And hold this as a standard for the country to enforce

The chairman will defend the pledge
Because he finds it gives an edge
Political expedience will always be his course.

PA lawmaker refuses to say Pledge of Allegiance at House meeting

Democratic Rep. Babette Josephs said the words “under God” in the Pledge make it a prayer, and she refused to say it.

When Republican Chairman Darryl Metcalfe, who represents Butler, asked Josephs to lead the pledge, she refused.

As everyone was standing to say the pledge, Josephs said, “Based on my First Amendment rights and based on the fact that I really think it’s a prayer, I don’t pray in public.”

Josephs is retiring in just a few days, so there’s not much reason for this, other than Metcalfe grubbing for points with his base.

“Completely Wrong”

Mitt
Was
Completely wrong
He should have known it all along
So come and sing a silly song
Wrong! La-la-la—Wrong! La-la-la-la-la! (oh!)

Mitt
Told
A bunch of lies
He did it lots; it’s no surprise
It’s time to open up your eyes
Lie! La-la-la—Lie! La-la-la-la!

Mitt
Is full of shit
Not just a bit
It doesn’t quit
Mitt
Just won’t commit
Each view is split
He’s not legit

Mitt
Is
A wealthy man
He’s running just because he can
“Say anything” is Romney’s plan
Run! La-la-la—Run! La-la-la-la!

Mitt
Is
Completely wrong
We should have known it all along
So come and sing a silly song
Wrong! La-la-la—Wrong! La-la-la-la-la! (oh!)

I was walking the Cuttledog, and this song came to me… sung in the voices of several Muppets. Don’t judge me.

Cuttlecap tip to Ian

Malala The Mighty

How strong are the words of a young teen-aged girl
To frighten the Taliban so?
What cowards decide, since she’s telling the truth,
That courageous Malala must go?
How mighty is she, that they thought they would need
An army arrayed against one?
The pen, we all know, is much mightier than the sword…
So they figured, instead, use a gun.

Taliban attack wounds teen activist blogger

I have an appointment in mere seconds, so read Ophelia for more. And more.