A Millennial Toast!

Although I do not like to boast
I sometimes get the itch:
I don’t eat avocado toast
And so I’m filthy rich.

I’ve learned to darn my stockings
And to cut my own damn hair
You must not find it shocking–
I’m a self-made millionaire!

A dollar here, a dollar there,
It isn’t even funny
It all adds up—it multiplies—
I’m swimming, now, in money!

Your money grows—you’ll need a vault—
You hardly need to try!
So, poverty’s your own damn fault…

It’s such a useful lie.

Just in case President trump is not enough evidence that the uber-wealthy are out of touch with the rest of us, Money magazine reports on a millionaire’s advice to millennials: Stop Buying Avocado Toast If You Want To Buy A Home.

Because anything other than insect-based protein bars (a la Snowpiercer) is a luxury, and luxuries are for those who have pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps and family-funded seed loans.

Cuttlecap tip to every damn person on Twitter. #AvocadoToast


  1. Cuttlefish says

    Live by the current issue, die by the current issue–as this post was published, avocado toast became irrelevant, as our president has been revealing highly classified information to Russian spies.

    I’m old enough to remember when avocado toast was a meme about class warfare. It was nearly an hour ago.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    Well, I’m not really a millionaire in money. But if the currency is “how your kids turned out”, I am the richest cuttlefish in the world, and Trump is a pauper.

    Takes fewer avocados in this currency.

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    America is doomed,
    Though her best
    Tried to warn her –
    Beware avocado toast
    From the taco trucks
    On every corner!

    – with apologies to the gods of meter…

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