Honey On A Plane (A True Story)

I bought myself some honey
Cos my yogurt needs a touch—
It cost very little money
(Since I hadn’t very much)
It was purchased in Bulgaria
Which really was a pain
Cos to bring my honey back with me
I had to take a plane.

Now, we’ve heard the scary stories
(I can never get enough)
How the guards keep inventories
Of their confiscated stuff
How they rifle through your luggage
And how, slyly, they explain
That your honey is delicious
But it can’t go on the plane

We see passengers, downtrodden,
Cos they sure aren’t having fun,
Mumble something like “Bin Laden”
Or “The terrorists have won”
Or “The TSA are Nazis”
Or “The modern world’s insane”
Cos they bought a jar of honey
But can’t take it on the plane

So I took a couple chances
And I took my place in line
And they put me through some dances
And they told me… it was fine.
Sure, I know it’s inconvenient,
But I really can’t complain
Cos I bought a jar of honey
And I took it on the plane

I actually wrote this back in 2013, but did not publish it back then, cos it felt like piling on. At the time, Dawkins was catching shit for complaining that the terrorists had won, since he had had his jar of honey confiscated. And come on, it was only a jar of honey; it wasn’t something dangerous like a clock.


  1. Al Dente says

    You didn’t get your honey confiscated? Don’t tell the Dawk, he’ll be so jealous that he’ll tweet something unpleasant.

  2. says

    My best TSA story is coming back from Hawaii. A friend of ours had requested one and only one souvenir from us – coconut syrup. So, we had two bottles of it that we’d bought – one for them, one for us. The TSA wouldn’t let us through the checkpoint because they were (I think) 10 oz bottles, and the limit was 3½ oz per container. So I went back out, dumped 2/3 out of each bottle, and went back through security. Now, with only 3½ oz per container, I was allowed through (accompanied by a strange look from the X-ray operator). As soon as I was through the line, I promptly combined the contents into one bottle with 7 oz of syrup to give to our friend.

    To add insult to injury, there was coconut syrup available in the airport giftshop, when the TSA had told us there wasn’t. And to really pile it on, when we got back to Texas and stopped at a World Market on the way home, they had the exact brand of coconut syrup we’d brought back from Hawaii.

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