Too good to be true—ah, alas!
No reduction, in weight or in mass—
Now the latest reports
Say, caffeine in my shorts
Isn’t useful for slimming my ass!
Headline: Wacoal iPants and other caffeine-laced shapers won’t fight fanny fat, FTC says
(Yeah, it’s been a while since the last Headline Muse. I forget why I stopped…)
Lose weight? Some folks try hypnosis.
Or coffee-soaked clothes by osmosis.
Let’s invent a shampoo
Laced with atheist clue
As a cure for religious psychosis.
Will it stop your butt from going to sleep?