Why The Hell Did God Make Parasites?

So anyway, one of my search terms today was “why the hell did god make parasites?”. I don’t think I have actually addressed that specifically (though I have mentioned parasites in one or two verses, I know), so I thought I’d do so now:

Why the hell did God make parasites?
I’d really like to know!
Does He torture us for giggles?
Does He love us even so?
Does He have a thing for hookworms?
Does He have a thing for lice?
Are the Toxoplasma gondii
Favored more than rats or mice?
Does God love His Schistosoma?
And His cuckoos in the nest
(Where they play a deadly variant
Of “Mommy loves me best!”)?
Does He have a secret fondness
For the things that make us sick?

And the logical conclusion is…
God really is a dick.


  1. says

    If parasites
    Had plebiscites
    They’d vote
    To note
    That persons
    Were worse’n
    Any biter
    Or other blighter
    With a little sting
    Or such-like thing
    When it comes to harm.

  2. says

    Parasites are so defined in the eyes of the beholder.
    Some are timid tiny bugs and some are big and bolder.
    Every critter needs to eat. That bothers only those
    Who don’t like ticks and tapeworms, or mold between their toes.
    From tiny microbes in our shit, to human depredation,
    If it’s alive it lives off something for its preservation.
    At best let’s say the human role among all those is
    Parasites in symbiosis.

  3. eddiejones says

    Twain argued (somewhat sarcastically, perhaps) that “It is for our good, my child. In his wisdom and mercy the Lord sends us these afflictions to discipline us and make us better.” as when “… wasps catch spiders and cram them down into their nests in the ground — alive, Mama! — and there they live and suffer days and days and days, and the hungry little wasps chewing their legs and gnawing into their bellies all the time, to make them good and religious and praise God for his infinite mercies.”

    Makes perfect sense to me!

  4. Die Anyway says

    I think it’s called “tough love”. Also known as “God works in mysterious ways”.

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