Really? Only $660?

I wish I could talk to the animals—
To the lions and tigers and bears
To hear all their animal worries
And soothe all their animal cares

I wish I could talk to the animals—
To koalas and quokkas and snakes
What a wonder, for medical science,
If critters could tell where it aches!

I wish I could talk to the animals—
To the bats and the squids and the shrews
From the mightiest blue whale’s opinions
To the tiniest tardigrade’s views

I wish I could talk to the animals—
To the monkeys and birds overhead
But the animals can’t really pay me…
So I’ll rip off the people, instead

You have to see this. And holy fuck, I just realized–this is the 7th annual course!

You really want to click through, but just a taste:

Perth Zoo 2014

The 7th Annual 3-day Animal Dreaming Intensive Practitioner Course at Perth Zoo: an introduction to all things ‘ANIMAL DREAMING’

During this event, you can expect to:

Look to the Earth Mother for wisdom, guidance and healing and remember the sacred bond you forged with her at the beginning of time

Interpret the messages offered by animals encountered during real-life encounters, dreams and vision

Learn how to invoke animal spirits to aid in healing, manifestation, protection, fertility and more

And the cost is a mere $660 per person! Which, apparently, they managed to find enough people to cough up in 6 previous years to keep this fraud in business!

On the other hand, it shouldn’t be difficult to figure out what this particular Cuttlefish is thinking right about now…

cuttlecap tip to Kylie, of course!


  1. zackoz says

    Yes, you avoided the Dr Dolittle wording all right.

    At least you don’t have to imitate Rex Harrison’s “singing” style.

    I saw an interview with Harrison once, where he explained that as a non-singer he was terrified of having to sing in the Dolittle film; but the director told him there was a thing called “talking on pitch”, so he got Harrison to do that.

    That’s the kind of singing I could manage!

    I think the word “dreaming”, by the way, in the title of the “course” probably deliberately refers to the spirituality of the Aboriginal “Dreamtime”, a rather strange translation into English of a whole complex of ideas and legends, creation myths et al.

    The purpose in this case of using the term dreaming – I would guess – is to (mis)appropriate aboriginal spirituality to hint that the course conveys all kinds of mystical knowledge not normally vouchsafed to the common herd.

  2. forestdragon says

    Every time I see ‘tardigrade’ I keep reading ‘tardisgrade’ which makes me think of some kind of critter deceptively small for its actual mass/weight…

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