We’re Not Excluding You—We’re Just Not Including You

You haven’t quite heard what we’re saying—we’re praying
We’d let you, but atheists really don’t pray
We call on a spiritual being, but seeing
As atheists don’t, there is nothing to say
We see your complaint as illusion; ”exclusion”
Implies that you once had a chance to be heard
You didn’t. This can’t be excluding—quit brooding! —
An atheist prayer? Why, the thought is absurd!

Are hippos “excluded” from flying? I’m trying
To think of a way that this even makes sense!
An atheist prayer? Oxymoron! Implore on—
Your huffing and puffing is all a pretense!
You’d “pray” to the people who hear you? It’s clear, you
Have no real conception of praying at all!
You’re different from us, no denying—quit trying
To claim the protection of Jefferson’s “wall”!

Via “Christian Today” (which means that mainstream media had more important things to write about), a Florida County’s response to the Greece, NY ruling.

Brevard County, FL, isn’t excluding atheists from participating in the invocations that begin their meetings… because… because… because reasons.

“The invocation portion of the agenda is an opening prayer, presented by members of our faith community,” she said.

“The prayer is delivered during the ceremonial portion of the county’s meeting, and typically invokes guidance for the County Commission from the highest spiritual authority, a higher authority which a substantial body of Brevard constituents believe to exist.

“The invocation is also meant to lend gravity to the occasion, to reflect values long part of the county’s heritage, and to acknowledge the place religion holds in the lives of many private citizens in Brevard County.

Which you godless atheist bastards wouldn’t do, so we aren’t really “excluding” you, since you don’t do that. Get it?

“The Commission respectfully takes issue with the claim that members of your organisation are being excluded from presenting their viewpoint at County Commission meetings.”

The chairwoman offered to let the Central Florida Freethought Community speak for three minutes during the public comment portion of the commissioner’s meeting.

You can drink from the “atheists only” fountain, so it’s all cool, right? You are not being excluded, except from the stuff we think you don’t want to do.

Or, you know, the stuff we won’t let you do. Same diff.


  1. says

    You know I find this kind of phrasing amazing,
    And borrowed it once in the past. No wait. Twice.
    It’s not over-creepy to visit (or is it?)
    To tell you your rhyme scheme has made me feel nice.

  2. Matt G says

    Invoking guidance? Won’t God do that whether you pray out loud and publicly or not? And who are they to make demands of God? The only reason they do it is because it reinforces their tribal identity.

  3. busterggi says

    So they admit its for religious purposes, good, then they are admitting its unConstitutional.

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