Ken Ham Clearly Doesn’t Believe (I Hope)

So I was just out walking the cuttledogs, and it occurred to me that the whole notion of a Noah’s Ark Theme Park showed either an incredible lack of belief on the part of the planners, or a psychopathic lack of empathy.

I mean, it’s a theme park. Think Disney. But it’s built around the greatest (by percentage, at least, if not in real numbers) genocide in history (assuming, for the time being, that the planners actually believe the Noah story). Men, women, children, toddlers, babies… dogs, cats, horses, cows… bunnies, slow lorises, baby hedgehogs… all of them, bloated, stinking corpses. Family fun for everyone! (seriously, click the link–this is what the flood ride would be, were it true to the bible)

One simply cannot have a realistic picture of what the flood allegedly entailed, and believe it appropriate for a family theme park. Ham either does not believe, or lacks any shred of empathy whatsoever.

It gets worse. Remember, the ark was the centerpiece of the park, but was by no means the whole thing. There would be rides. Remember, one of the rides (I shit you not) was (again, think Disney, but on acid) a “Ten Plagues Of Egypt” theme ride! Family fun, with blisters and boils, locusts and lice, blood and death! (Again, click the link for one of my favorites–no one who believed the story would ever suggest it as a theme park ride!)

Imagine a much smaller genocide, with a much smaller fraction of the world’s population put to slaughter. Can you imagine a family-friendly Holocaust theme park? Hop on the trains, kiddies? It sickened me to write that last sentence, and yet I wrote the verses at the two links above–what’s the difference?

The difference is, I believe (I was going to write “I know”, but I’ll settle for the weaker “I believe”) that the bible’s account is false. It’s fiction. It didn’t happen. There were no real victims (well… belief in “the curse of Ham” was not victimless), so I can write about bloated bodies and plagues of locusts. It’s simple–I don’t believe. The only ones who could treat such a genocide lightly are those who don’t believe. Those for whom the flood, and the ten plagues, are nothing more than a chance to fleece those who do believe.




I do wonder, though, who would invest, and who would want such a thing built. Is everyone so mercenary? Are there any true believers who think the Ark Park is appropriate? And why?


  1. grumpyoldfart says

    The true believers think that if it’s in the bible then, whatever happened, it was for the greater good – because God wouldn’t let it happen if it was bad.

    Having taken that position, they can consider all the murder, mayhem and bloody gore as a means to an end. Sure, things were a bit tricky for people that were caught up in the flood, but it all turned out for the best so that’s nice isn’t it? And anyone who says otherwise is a bit of an arsehole…

  2. Robert B. says

    If I remember my far off Sunday School days right (not to mention my more recent days clerking in a store that sold, among other things, Sunday School supplies) Noah’s Ark is one of the most popular Bible stories to present to kids. Because, y’know, it’s got animals in it! Kids love animals. It’s all “two by two” and “dove carrying an olive branch” and so on. The fact that everything else in the world just died is glossed over. So from inside Christianity, it’s seen as a kid-friendly story. And if you point out that that isn’t really objectively the case, you’re that guy who puts un-kid-friendly realism in a kids’ story – a bit like showing a young Pokemon fan photos of electrical burns and explaining how Ash should have died a grizzly death in the first episode.

    I have no explanation for the “Ten Plagues of Egypt” ride – that was one of the bits my Sunday school glossed over, though otherwise the Moses story was another popular one. But then again, it’s not like there’s an overabundance of happy, cheerful, G-rated Bible stories to choose from. Isaac and Abraham? Samson and Delilah? Job? The crucifixion? The book of Revelation?

  3. says

    The true believers think that if it’s in the bible then, whatever happened, it was for the greater good – because God wouldn’t let it happen if it was bad.

    Thus gays and atheism are for the greater good! Also herpes.

  4. says

    I posted this on PZses bit, but I’m sure there must be a measure Cuttleinterest, so I have amended it:

    When people are discussing this Jonah Ark thingy they are always going on about the people and the animals. Won’t anyone spare a thought for the oceanic marine life: with all that rain the salinity of the seas must have dropped significantly and suddenly. Think for a moment of their horrible osmotic deaths.




  5. Jason C says

    WRT to Holocaust theme park, we visited a park in Lithuania (near Traki) that had a collection of rescued old Communist era statues (Stalin etc). There was a barbed wire fence around it and the plan was you caught a cattle train to the park to recreate the holocaust experience. However the good people of Lithuania thought that this was tacky beyond belief so it was toned down. Doubt Ham would have such reservations.

  6. sailor1031 says

    All those fluffy bunnies and scaly dinosaurs, those elegant unicorns and deadly basilisks, lemmings and behemoths were as evil and fallen as the humans so they too were all destroyed. It’s odd that the doG who invented DNA couldn’t foresee that that inheritance of evil would be transmitted to post-flood generations but then it doesn’t seem to have been a very intelligent sort of doG. No Samoyed for sure. A beaglish sort of doG perhaps?

    As to whether Ham believes it or not, he certainly should. Wasn’t he on the original ark?

  7. Pierce R. Butler says

    … all of them, bloated, stinking corpses.

    Including, if you put all the given details of the story onto a timeline, Noah’s grandfather Methuselah. (Noah’s daddy, according to the same calcs, didn’t last quite long enough to drown clawing at the hull of his son’s vessel.)

    Everybody drop everything and go read James Morrow’s “Bible Stories for Adults, No. 17: The Deluge” from his Bible Stories for Adults collection (which, alas, does not contain seventeen stories).

  8. Sandy Small says

    Well, the way I understand it, those men, women, children, toddlers, babies, dogs, cats, horses, cows, bunnies, and baby hedgehogs were all irretreivably wicked…liars, murderers, thieves…and the less said about what the slow lorises were up to the better…

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