Terrorist Pastor Charged

Relationships with Jesus Christ
Are dangerous, not fun;
Your spirit will be tested
Many times, before you’re done;
You’ll have to show devotion
To the Father, Ghost, and Son
And today, you’re being tested…
At the barrel of a gun.

If the following video looks like something that ought to be prosecuted, rather than proudly proclaimed, you’re in luck; the police agree.

Dauphin County prosecutors today charged a church and its pastor after a mock “terrorism raid” in March.
The fake raid occurred at Glad Tidings Assembly of God Church in Lower Swatara Township when four men — one carrying an unloaded but real gun — rushed into a room full of youth-group participants, put pillowcases over their heads and forced them into a van. The children didn’t know the raid was fake. One was injured.

I’m sure this will be spun as religious persecution. The last couple of minutes of the video already show that’s the mindset.

hat tip to Hemant


  1. hotshoe says

    Christianity contains so much poison that I am continually amazed, not at the batshit stuff like this, but that any person can be raised a christian and NOT turn out batshit like this.

    Yeah, I’m bitter and prejudiced and cynical. I’m glad this story at least has resulted in the charges against the man directly responsible, Andew Jordan. But the head of the church, John Lanza, is unaffected and was previously reported as saying the church might do it again, because he thinks it’s a valuable learning too.

    What are the odds that either ,or both, Andrew Jordan or John Lanza are child molesters ?

    Certainly, they both have issues of disrespecting children’s rights to safety and bodily autonomy. If I were a parent in Swatara Township, I wouldn’t let any child ever be in the same neighborhood as either of the church leaders. Much less in the same room.

  2. Steve says

    They should certainly be declared child abusers and never be allowed around children again.

  3. Cuttlefish says

    Mid-March, augustpamplona–I forgot to link the article, but fixed that now.

    Rather, the incident was mid-March; the charges were this week.

  4. 'Tis Himself says

    the police agree

    “If you want to play silly games, we can play games too.”

  5. carpenterman says

    What the allmighty everlasting fuck is wrong with these people?
    Dog, I am so glad my kids never went to church.

  6. revjimbob says

    Don’t you think that someone, in the extensive planning that clearly went on here, might have piped up to say ‘Guys, this may be a really stupid thing to do?’
    Not to mention criminal and cruel.

  7. Onamission5 says

    Considering the number of well publicised times that armed gunmen storming a building has ended not in giggles but in death, I am quite frankly dumbfounded that *anyone* would ever think this was a good idea. This church isn’t training black ops agents for Jeezus, FFS, these are children. Not that this set of pastors would know the difference.

  8. Die Anyway says

    Aha! Missionary training.
    I’ve got a better idea. Just stay at home and leave people alone. You won’t have to worry about being kidnapped by them damn heathen furriners.

    In any case, I went through something similar in the military… POW training. It wasn’t just a couple of hours, it was 3 days of confinement, deprivation, simulated torture, and interrogation, but (1) we were adults and (2) we were told ahead of time exactly when and how it would start. The real point being that the training was effective even though we knew before hand that it was going to take place and that although we might be uncomfortable at times, we weren’t in real danger. As Jamie and Adam might say: “Don’t try this at home folks. We’re professionals… you’re not”. But what might one expect from an outfit called Glad Tidings Assembly of God Church?
    If you answered “not much” then you’re pretty close to what I’m thinking.

  9. says

    I can’t help but wonder what sort of lasting psychological harm was done to those kids.

    It doesn’t matter that they found out it was all a big joke: while it was going on, they were being kidnapped. They were being forced somewhere against their will. They were 100% the victims of a terrifying crime.

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