His Frothiness, On Gay Marriage

He’s famous for his piety
His name has notoriety
You know him and you love him, Rick Santorum
Because of his propriety
He benefits society
While gays do not, he told a public forum
We do not need additional
(Beyond our known, traditional)
New marriages—it’s best we just ignore ‘em.
Of course, a politician ‘ll
Have love that’s unconditional
Or else we’d have no reason to deplore ‘em.

Blind rage, after the jump:

I’ve heard people praise Rick Santorum for his consistency–“he doesn’t change to suit his audience” or some such. This may be so, but when you are Rick Santorum, there is nothing to praise in that. His Frothiness believes he is in the right, and sees no reason to grant gays the privilege of marriage. Same sex marriages do not benefit society.

SANTORUM: You’re not entitled “to special treatment under the law…[Marriage is] not a right, it’s something that has existed since the beginning of human history as an institution where men and women come together for the purposes of forming a natural relationship as God made it to be. And for the purposes of having children and continuing that civilization. It is an intrinsic good…And as a result of that, we extend a privilege. We extend certain privileges to people who do that because we want to encourage that behavior. […]
Two people who may like each other or may love each other who are same-sex, is that a special relationship? Yes it is, but it is not the same relationship that benefits society like a marriage between a man and a woman.

I want a week with Rick Santorum.

Not, as many of you might suspect, to imaginatively inflict pain on him. Rather, to introduce him to some people I know.

First, my former neighbors, and their son. He’s 24 years old now, and a fine young man. I watched him grow from an awkward boy to a towering, confident, handsome and muscular man. His moms are proud. So am I. He is a good man (heterosexual, not that it matters), and will make a fantastic husband and father someday soon. Currently, he’s a college grad, a sailor, and a genuine pleasure to talk with. I suspect that he would rather sit down and talk with Santorum than beat him senseless, though he would be thoroughly able to do either.

Next, the brother of one of my grad school friends. He and his partner (this was before they could legally marry in that state) adopted two children. Don’t worry, Rick, they didn’t get the kids any heterosexual couples were after; they adopted AIDS babies whom nobody wanted. (Goddammit, I’m crying. Fuck you Rick Santorum for making me write this!) They cared for these kids, loved these kids, eventually and inevitably (such was the case at this time) held them as they died. They had their love tested in the cruelest way, by the breaking of their hearts. Rick, I hope you never feel their anguish.

That should be enough. Santorum’s daughter has Trisomy 18; Rick knows what it means to love a daughter and know that the odds are against her in the long run. It breaks my heart to even imagine myself in his position (with regard to his daughter; it turns my stomach to imagine myself in his position politically); I cannot conceive of any human cold-hearted enough to meet my friend’s brother, to hear of his children, and to maintain that their relationship was of “no benefit to society”. No father can turn from his daughter’s hospital bed and not see the love and the pain of another father. (Yes, I know, it happens all the time. These are not humans.)

Of course, if that is not enough, there is more. There are my students, wonderful young men and women, raised by gay parents. There are my co-workers, adoptive parents (oh, but heterosexual this time) putting the lie to the notion of biological imperatives by raising wonderful children the same way many same-sex couples would.

And of course, this is just me. Just my own acquaintances. And I am (I guarantee you) nothing special. I am a nobody, and I have enough evidence in my own personal experience to change any mortal heart.

Give me a week with him. If he doesn’t change, he isn’t human.

(edited, to make one small correction. Doesn’t change anything, but I had mistakenly written “crack babies” instead of “AIDS babies”. The latter was an assumed death sentence, at the time.)


  1. chigau (違う) says

    Santorum is not worthy to be in your presence let alone spend a week with you and your friends.

  2. Fens says

    He’s all too human: myopic, tribal, judgmental and drowning in hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance.

  3. niftyatheist says

    Santorum is not worthy to be in your presence let alone spend a week with you and your friends.


    Thank you, Cuttlefish. I love your blog.

  4. N. Nescio says

    I just cannot wrap my head around the sheer chutzpah of standing up and telling a whole group of consenting adults who love one another and are committed to one another just as much as any other group of consenting adults that their love somehow ‘doesn’t count’ or ‘isn’t real’ ’cause God told me so!’ — I cannot even conceive of the hubris that requires.

    I have gay friends in relationships (some with children, even!) who love one another and are just as committed to one another as any hetero couple I know. It turns my stomach to think that somebody like Ol’ Buttsludge could say things like that to them with a straight face, and think he’s doing God’s work, to boot.

    What a despicable excuse for a human being.

  5. DR says

    I would want to aquaint his frothiness with the true concept of Biblical Marriage: A commercial contract between a man and the father of his soon to be sex-slave and baby-factory. Nothing more, nothing less. Not even a clause whereby the man in question is not able to get a second (probably younger) model anything he chooses.

  6. doktorzoom says

    I’ve heard people praise Rick Santorum for his consistency…

    I don’t know that there’s anything all that great about the consistency of santorum.

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