I Was Talking To God Today, Dennis

I was talking to God today, Dennis,
And the subject eventually changed
From how neither of us can stand tennis
To how both of us think you’re deranged.
He admitted he’d botched your creation
In his perfect and all-knowing view
He’d ruined the whole operation…
Then he shrugged, and said “what can I do?”
He had given free will to his creatures
And a conscience, to choose their own path
But you see, there were bugs in these features
And you’ve given him reason for wrath.
God thinks you’re an idiot, Dennis;
He was utterly clear on the point
You’re an absolute, pin-headed menace
And as God says, you stink up the joint.
Your behavior is wholly demented—
And believe me, He knows what you do—
Since thorazine first was invented
There’s been no better spokesman than you.
He’s powerful, awesome, and godly,
On a scale—any scale—He’s the top;
And He’s noticed you’re acting quite oddly…
God is telling you, Dennis, to stop.
I can’t imagine what might have inspired this verse.  It must simply be a message from god.


  1. Anonymous says

    we are going to exterminate you, DCJUDGMENT DAYyoutube.com/watch?v=SMukj31qw1Uyoutube.com/user/xviolatex

  2. says

    What is this guy's problem anyway? Is he just some random troll? I've just started noticing his comments before you delete them (in the last few posts) because I've been keeping up with the site more. Regardless, he sounds like he could use a better hobby than bothering cuttlefish.

  3. says

    Oh, Melissa, he scarcely bothers me. I am but a small cuttlefish in a big internet ocean, and DM goes after far bigger fishies than me. Some of this I know because he sends out emails and cc's some 60 or so people, most of whom I recognize (but who I doubt would recognize me!). I've received well over a thousand of his comments and/or emails, dozens of which were explicit threats (torture and death) toward me or my family. This is a fraction of what, say, PZ Myers or James Randi have received.

  4. says

    Acchh… for a moment there I didn't know which "Dennis" you were addressing. But the instant I saw your reference to DM a painful flash went through my brain. Great poetry of course but pitiful subject matter. :-)

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