1. embertine says

    The man is a noted genius. That would certainly work for me, I do love my organic GM-free sprouted grains.

  2. xyz says

    But what is he going to do with us once he’s got us? Does he have a machine that generates clean electricity from umbrage? Is he trying to collect second-hand Dockers, Birkenstocks and sensible cardigans???

  3. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    Don’t be silly. It’s catch and release back into the wilds of Whole Foods.

  4. embertine says

    Josh, that’s not very humane. White people have died trying to follow their ancient migratory routes through the fresh kale smoothie section.

  5. Saad says

    That’s hilarious!

    Josh, please kindly release this brown NPR listener you’re bound to catch in there.

  6. Saad says

    Coincidentally, that all looks very paleo so they’ll even be attracted on a meta level.

  7. John Horstman says

    “Trap”? But with my NPR and quinoa, why would I ever want to leave the box?

  8. deepak shetty says

    You probably will catch some brown pests like me too who have been forced to eat quinoa instead of white rice.

  9. PatrickG says

    But with my NPR and quinoa, why would I ever want to leave the box?

    At some point, you’ll hear “our next guest, David Brooks”. At which point you’ll chew your way in five seconds flat.

  10. says

    Y’know, that is pretty humane…

    Fine. Fine. I’ll stop using the seine net. It was always getting snagged on the tables outside the fair trade coffee shop anyway.

  11. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    I love that you all understand the tribulations of being an NPR listener. I’m like a recovering alcoholic that falls off the wagon every day at 4 p.m. I mash the radio button off in the car every damned day when someone on All Things Considered says something stupid.

    Do NOT start about David Brooks and EJ Dionne.

  12. says

    Support for deploying this trap has been provided by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, committed to building a more just, verdant, and peaceful world.

  13. PatrickG says

    Do NOT start about David Brooks and EJ Dionne.


  14. Saad says

    I only listen to it in the early morning, so I just catch some of the news and Ben Johnson’s tech segment. I do sometimes listen to it in the afternoon, but it’s rare. Those comedy shows they have on weekend evenings are really cheesy.

  15. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    MrFancyPants! Yes!

    Also Sit for Less is now Sit for Life, featuring the Herman Miller Aeron chair.

  16. xyz says

    I detect Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me slander in this thread and I won’t stand for it!!!1

  17. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    My most boring talent is the ability to mimic the announcers who read the headlines at the top of the hour. I worked for a long time to perfect the pitch and cadence for “From NPR news in Washington, I’m Anne Taylor.”

    I’d like to tackle Eleanor Beardslee, but she’s so her own thing.

  18. PatrickG says

    Pfft, Anne Taylor has been gone forever. Sit back, relax, and listen to the soothing voice of Lakshmi Singh!

  19. PatrickG says

    I detect Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me slander in this thread and I won’t stand for it!!!1

    Says You!

  20. says


    My most boring talent is the ability to mimic the announcers who read the headlines at the top of the hour.

    I often catch myself absentmindedly trying to mimic that BBC News announcer with the lisp, then I proceed to feel guilty for doing it.

  21. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    I know Anne Taylor is gone; I’m not over it. I had her sour, disapproving tone *perfect*.

  22. PatrickG says

    I’d just like to happily thank everyone in this thread for a moment of silliness and laughter. In other words, this and other comment sections are made possible by readers like you.

    Thank you.

    And: (silence0

  23. says

    Did you enjoy this post about Josh’s tongue-in-cheek invention? Stories like these take time and money to produce. Why don’t you call in now, or go online, and make a pledge for whatever you can afford–a twenty five dollar pledge is just a dollar a month! Now here’s a message from Ira Glass to explain in detail why Butterflies & Wheels needs your support.

    Remember, the sooner we reach our pledge drive goal, the faster we’ll be done interrupting your regular blogging schedule!

  24. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    Actually you should donate to B&W. There’s a link on the left. DO IT.



  25. PatrickG says

    MrFancyPants: you forgot the anonymous generous donor offering a matching pledge, for which they’re going to extend the segment a few minutes. But many laughs from the (all too frequent) horrible arithmetic. 🙂

    Josh: It’s been quite the ride, hasn’t it. 🙂

    On a more serious note, I just wish there were something better to listen to on the radio. I’ve got the SHUT IT DOWN movement down to about 1.4s the moment I hear EJ Dionne or David Brooks referenced, but NPR hardly relies on them for the delivery of “wait, did they really just say that?” moments.

    Here in Oakland, there’s KPFA (94.1), but outside of Democracy Now! and a few other programs, they’ve really moved their programming over to Ranting And Screaming All The Time™. It’s not that they don’t have valid points or good local news, I just can’t handle the delivery style: social justice meets auto racing (Outrage! Outrage! Outrage!).

    Either source gets me riled up (for different reasons), and FreeThoughtBlogs fills up my daily quota of blinding anger quite nicely, thank you very much. 🙂

    P.S. One of these days I’ll actually get into the habit of putting podcasts on my phone or something, but I don’t drive that often, so… I never remember. I will say KALW San Francisco has David Fucking Brooks on all the time.

  26. says

    I know that rapid hand movement, PatrickG. I’ve honed my own version of it. As soon as Prairie Home Companion comes on–or, really Garrison Keillor at all–then BAM! Radio off.

  27. Al Dente says

    NPR hasn’t been the same since the Car Talk guys retired. I miss Click and Clack, aka Tom and Ray Magliozzi. All too often I’d waste another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk.

  28. luzclara says

    I have perfected a supersonic off-button attack when I detect the first 3 molecules of the Puzzle Master segment. . .

    It is lovely of you to trap with a catch and release policy. It gives the trapped ones time to roam around, grow bigger, and think about what they have done.

  29. oolon says

    What is NPR? I find this post to be horribly US-centric 🙂 .. I also cannot pronounce quinoa, does that make me a good whitey?

  30. scott says

    Click & Clack spoke at my graduation (both have degrees from MIT) which was about a zillion times better than some politician or corporate suit cashing a paycheck. Really an enjoyable time, far from the usual platitudes and snoozefest.

  31. Blanche Quizno says

    @40 oolon – NPR is National Public Radio, aka “National Pentagon Radio”, as it’s one of the only places on radio where you’ll hear advertising for the military industrial complex and the oil industry and “expert opinions” from the likes of military brass, chemical company executives and other corporate and industry promoters.

    “…thanks to a generous donation from American Natural Gas company, providing clean, domestic fuel”

    NPR has even run pro-fracking ads (*tsk* can you even imagine?? WTF!!)!

    NPR: “Is U.S. Energy Independence Finally Within Reach? – it’s about fracking O_O

    “The other game changer, West argues, is a big boost for the U.S. economy from affordable electricity produced by cheap natural gas. West says it will help revitalize U.S. manufacturing, and energy economist Verleger agrees.” – National Petroleum Radio (aka NPR)

    Also, I compared their coverage on the US’s fairly recent threat to bomb Syria unless Syria capitulated on something – remember that? NPR interviewed college students who said “It was obviously the right thing to do – if we hadn’t threatened them, they never would have agreed”. On KPFK, listener-supported public radio, the opinions were outrage at what was a clear and obvious violation of international law AND something akin to the rapist getting his victim to cooperate via threats. Which sounds more pro-government??

    NPR has gone corporate. All the way. The only decent reporting is now left to listener-supported radio (no corporate sponsors), although the fund-drives are enough to make me tear my hair out.

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