1. cubist says

    Okay, this post… there’s got to be more to the story. Either you just decided to make this up as performance art, or for some reason you (or people you know) actually did try shrimp & etc in coffee and reported on the results, or some damn thing. Please to provide further details?

  2. says

    Aw, cubist, can’t I just be weird and random now and then? 🙂

    There is a ghost of a point, which is the punchline – I think pumpkin lattes are the most disgusting-sounding invention ever, plus I hate the whole American fetish for dumping sugar in savory dishes and ruining them, and pumpkin in coffee is similar to that.

    But mostly it was just a little joke, which amused me if no one else.

  3. sambarge says

    Mr. Barge would gravely disagree, Ophelia. The decaf, half-syrup, skinny pumpkin latte* makes life worth living from September until after USian Thanksgiving. If you could see how destitute he is when it’s replaced with caramel and mint drinks at Christmas. It’s heartbreaking.

    *Ordered without irony. What have we become?!

  4. Eric O says

    @ chigau (違う)

    This list also works for things not to put in beer.

    Indeed. I tried pumpkin beer for the first time on Sunday. I think the drug companies should consider selling it as an emetic.

  5. biogeo says

    I agree, but my partner loves pumpkin in anything. She doesn’t even usually drink coffee, but is excited by coming of pumpkin coffee in the fall. No accounting for taste, I guess.

    Though you know what, I wouldn’t necessarily write off mustard in coffee. Wasabi powder gives coffee a surprisingly nice kick, and I could imagine a (very carefully crafted) mustard coffee recipe that would be similar.

  6. Al Dente says

    The decaf, half-syrup, skinny pumpkin latte* makes life worth living

    The mind boggles. The stomach churns. Be still my gag reflex. The only way I’d let a pumpkin latte approach my lips is if the only other choice was death by dehydration. And even then I’d have to think about it.

  7. leftwingfox says

    With all the sexual harrasment news lately, I was expecting one of the bullet points to be “dick” with a link to some one inappropriately dunking their junk in java.

  8. says

    I hate the whole American fetish for dumping sugar in savory dishes and ruining them

    So am I the only person in the world who prefers my coffees as sweet and flavored as possible?

    In my defense, there’s a legit reason for it.

    So you know that so-called “map of tongue taste buds” they taught us?

    That’s bullshit.

    In my Bio lab two semesters ago, we learned about how genetics play a role in taste, and the class did a test to see what tastes we’re wired to prefer, based on 3 specific tastes: salty, sweet, and bitter. These flavors are found on three different strips of paper, which you then put in your mouth (IT’S TOTALLY SAFE!).

    So we did salty first. It was about average for me. Which makes sense, because while I do like salt, I like a relatively average amount. My “too salty” seems to be the average person’s “too salty”.

    Then we did the sweet paper. I tasted nothing but paper. Which makes perfect sense, because my “perfectly sweet” is everyone else’s “WHY DID I JUST EAT A CARTON-FULL OF SUGAR?!?!?!?!?”

    And.. finally… we did bitter. It initially made me sick, and I was still trying to get the taste out of my mouth a week later. This explains why I can’t stand beer, wine, plain coffee, and many plain teas.

    So when I drink coffee, I’m drinking it for the caffeine (because decaf coffee is fucking useless brown water). I don’t actually like the taste of coffee, so I add as much cream and sugar as I can healthily get away with to mask the bitterness…

    So yes, I do very much enjoy flavored coffee. Pumpkin Spice coffee is one of those I have to be in the mood for, but a white chocolate mocha is so damn good…

    I do agree with the rest of your list, though. That’s just nasty…

  9. says

    My wife’s parents used to put a little mustard powder in their coffee. I’m not sure how much. I don’t think I ever tasted their recipe (they had split by the time I met my wife).

  10. theobromine says

    I can’t stand the taste of coffee myself (though I like smelling it), but my father puts in a pinch of dry mustard (Keen’s), and a shake of salt (and sometimes a shake of cinnamon) when he is making coffee.

    On the other hand, I like plenty of other bitter things (including beer). My caffeine delivery vehicle of choice is strong spiced tea, which I take with milk but no sugar

  11. left0ver1under says

    Anything in coffee, aside from sugar, is not good. And the only difference between tea and coffee is that you can put honey in tea.

  12. ekwhite says

    Another thing not to put in beer – jalapeno peppers. I tried Cave Creek chili beer years ago. It was horrible. Right up there with Hop n Gator.

  13. says

    The main thing I have to make sure never goes into a coffee that I am to drink is anything flavoured like or actually being coffee, which I find nauseating as both taste and smell. I don’t even like that aisle in the grocery store, and that’s where they always put the tea! Argh!

    Also, anything with capsaicin. Not in coffee, not in food, not in Cait. Tastes and smells like the wet stuff that seems to accumulate under a garbage bag left out too long.

    I once described coffee as the squeezings of the impacted anal gland of a llama which, being sadly deceased, had no friends to take it in out of the hot Peruvian sun for six days.

    Inevitably, my primary partner is a coffee fiend, the more stinky and sweet-flavoured, the better. The universe is uncaringly hilarious sometimes.

  14. embertine says

    Having had a pumpkin spice latte the other day for the first time, I must reluctantly agree. It was REVOLTING. My only consolation is that actual pumpkin has probably not been within 500yards of the syrup they use to make these things.

    My doubleshot thai shrimp lattes, on the other hand, I couldn’t do without.

  15. Bjarte Foshaug says

    I would add lemon to the list as well. I like drinking my water with a few drops of lemon in it. One morning when I was still too sleepy to know what I was doing (obviously since I hadn’t had my first cup of coffee yet!), I put the lemon in the coffee instead of the water. I still occasionally have nightmares about it and wake up in a cold sweat.

  16. Bjarte Foshaug says

    @theobromine #15

    I can’t stand the taste of coffee myself

    Is this one of those “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously” type sentences that are syntactically well-formed but semantically don’t make sense? As if coffee was the kind of thing that anybody could fail to love!

    @jedibear #10

    I’d add “coffee” to that list

    @NateHevens #13

    I don’t actually like the taste of coffee

    @CaitieCat #21

    …I find [coffee] nauseating as both taste and smell.

    Does not compute. System failure. Shutting down.

  17. Sili says

    Supposed a touch of lemon rind is perfect in an espresso. Never got around to trying it, myself.

  18. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    plus I hate the whole American fetish for dumping sugar in savory dishes and ruining them,

    Yes, yes, yes! Again, you’re living inside my head, Ophelia. Thank bloody god someone else knows how wrong this all is.

  19. says

    Out of breath from laughing now.

    Good morning.

    Nate – I actually like some forms of coffee + sweet things – as sweet things, as opposed to as coffee. I like stand-alone coffee only, as coffee, but I also like good (strong) coffee ice cream and cognate drinks – except I never actually have the cognate drinks because I avoid coffee after late morning and I don’t like dessert things in the morning.

    But pumpkin. Oh dear god.

  20. sqlrob says

    I once described coffee as the squeezings of the impacted anal gland of a llama which, being sadly deceased, had no friends to take it in out of the hot Peruvian sun for six days.

    What do you have against llamas?

    Not only do I not drink coffee, I don’t drink tea. Why do people drink boiled lawn clippings?

    Possibly related, I don’t like anything fermented (beer, wine, vinegar), it all tastes like crap to me. I know that it’s not alcohol I have issues with, hard spirits don’t bother me.

  21. Richard Smith says

    sqlrob (#29), aside from vinegar, I’m very much the same. Just out of curiousity, how are you on cheese? For me, mild cheddar, and (a little) mozzerella on pizza/pasta is as far as I go; after that, it’s got too much “bite” (or just funky mouthfeel, but that’s a different subject). Such fun picking parmesan out of a Ceasar salad…

  22. Parse says

    Well, ‘in’ flavors tend to come and go in cycles. A couple years ago, it was lime; right now, it’s pumpkin and salted caramel.
    I’m looking forward to when, in a few years, we can look forward to turkey-flavored coffee.

  23. freemage says

    My wife loves sweet coffee drinks. She also loves pumpkin-spice muffins and the like. She despises the pumpkin-spice lattes though. So you’re definitely not alone here, Ophelia.

    Me? I despise actual coffee, but I like it as a flavoring. Give me a nice tiramisu, or a coffee-flavored caramel, or even a chocolate-coated coffee bean, and I’m in heaven. Furthermore, unlike several of the other coffee-haters on this list, I love a good spicy flavor on almost anything. I usually like to add a little egg to my hot sauce in the morning. Ooh, and cayenne chocolate ice cream, so gooood.

  24. Richard Smith says

    I was actually pleasantly surprised last week when I tried Lindt’s dark chocolate with red pepper. Not much pepper in the actual flavour, but a pleasant after-tingle. As a bit of a wasabi fiend, I’m somewhat curious what that would be like with chocolate…

    As for coffee, I’m definitely a non-drinker. I’ve tried it once or twice, and had to add so much milk and sugar that the coffee content was almost homeopathic. Still, I’m not completely averse to coffee flavour, as it was a family tradition for many years to have a yule log around New Year’s, with a coffee-infused icing to glue the roll together.

  25. Richard Smith says

    Friendly, helpful Google. Apparently, Lindt makes (made?) a wasabi chocolate, too. And just down the street from the office is a Lindt clearing house. Hmmmm. I might just do a bit of shopping.

  26. freemage says

    Richard: Wasabi chocolate is pretty good, if the manufacturer is trustworthy (and I agree that Lindt does a good job there).

  27. theobromine says

    Dark chocolate with chili pepper is very tasty, as are cayenne chocolate brownies and chocolate chip cookies. I haven’t tried wasabi chocolate – I’ll have to keep an eye out for it. Recently, I’ve been treating my headcold with black tea + ginger + a dried chili pepper + a bit of unsweetened cocoa powder.

    Also, I like to add a couple of teaspoons of cocoa powder when I make a pot of chili.

    FWIW, the only flavours I’ve encountered that I dislike are coffee and cilantro. I’m one of those people who for whom eating cilantro is like chewing on a piece of aluminum foil coated with soap.

  28. says

    Chocolate and hot things is a good combination. Chocolate is good in many things, not all of them sweet.

    This reminds me of one new thing I loathe, though – (sweet-)chocolate-covered pretzels. YUCK.

  29. theobromine says

    “who for whom”?? Grammar fail! (I blame the headcold – obviously it’s time for more spicy tea.

  30. ledasmom says

    My go-to for headcolds is tea with a generous grinding of black pepper, plus lemon, plus sometimes a pinch of ground chili pepper. You don’t really want to drink the last little bit in the bottom of the cup.
    I once had a sandwich made with horseradish cheese that I microwaved to get it good and hot. I may never forget the sensation of my skull being set on fire that the first bite produced.

  31. says

    ^ I sometimes have some curry powder in hot water in the second stage of a cold when my head is maximally stuffed up. Or some salsa. Anything spicy-hot is good for draining the sinuses. Have kleenex immediately at hand.

    WordPress’s automatic corrector wants me to treat kleenex as a brand name. Shan’t.

  32. says

    I find that a nice-size helping of wasabi helps when my sinuses are clogged… and I absolutely adore wasabi…

    I’m talking about the real stuff, not the US “wasabi” (horseradish mixed with mustard seed and green food coloring)… though since I love horseradish in general, I’m not necessarily averse to that, either… 😀

  33. Wylann says

    Coffee and (dark) chocolate make one of my favorite combination flavors, so I love a good mocha. Tully’s in the Seattle area makes a fantastic version called the Intense Dark Mocha….crack in a cup! Another place, Dilettante’s. I think it the name, also make a nice dark mocha (with several levels of dark, up to 80%, I think).

    Unfortunately, since moving to Southern OR, I haven’t anything that quite compares. I like coffee with some sweetness, but I find most pre-made or mixed coffee drinks too sweet for my preferences.

    And I loathe pretty much anything pumpkin flavored. I love actual pumpkin, though.

  34. h. hanson says

    I once put bleach in my tea instead of in with the laundry. It would not be good in coffee either.

  35. sqlrob says

    @Richard Smith:

    It depends a lot on the cheese. I’m fine with cheddar, all strengths, Parmesan, Gouda, a bunch of others. Not a big fan of Swiss, but I’ll eat it in things. Any moldy cheese (e.g. blue), forget it.

    I’ve got some other really weird sensitivities. I could smell DMSO without a problem, even not heated. There was a scintillation fluid that if someone cracked open the bottle in the hood I could tell they opened it. Oddly enough, a waste barrel of the same stuff was placed under the ventilation by a truck driver, couldn’t tell; meanwhile, people with deviated septums could smell it and I think one person went to the hospital.

  36. sqlrob says

    @Ophelia, 41:

    Have you tried ghost pepper in water? That should knock anything right out of your head, at least once you stop choking.

  37. shari says

    mcdonalds flavored anythings are horrible (except mocha’s) so I won’t try their pumpkin latte. I caved for that starbucks pumpkin latte…..gingerbread and peppermint are better.

    But, it didn’t suck.

    Pumpkin ravioli is good, but it needs cookies and hazelnuts on top.

    (and, there I go with the hazelnuts again, which are sacredly Designed to complement coffee. And chocolate. And gelato. And goat cheese. And, well, you get the idea……

  38. Richard Smith says

    Picked up two wasabi and one red chili from the Lindt outlet store at lunch, but am exercising willpower for now. (Not so much willpower exercised when I bought the on-sale “praline” truffles as well, and promptly opened them… then again, they’re marked “Open chocolate” on the receipt, so what else could I do?)

  39. Numenaster says

    No harm in following instructions, Richard.

    Count me as another person who only drinks coffee for the caffeine. My local McDonald’s probably refers to me as “small coffee three cream three sugar” because they always seem to be expecting me when I roll up to the window to pay.

    I’d drink tea all day except that I can’t handle it on an empty stomach, and I can’t eat until an hour after morning meds, and I CANNOT WAIT A FULL HOUR TO GET MY CAFFEINE IN THE MORNING.

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