Car hits atheist; car breaks

Proof that atheists are made of steel: Brendan Murphy, Secular Student Alliance Board member and good friend of mine, was hit by a car while biking tonight. You all remember Brendan – he’s the one who photographed me for the Skepticon calendar and taught me how to ride a bike. Thankfully us atheists gain the power of invincibility after we sell our soul to Satan, so Brendan is fine.* He came out with some soreness and an ibuprofen prescription, while the car left with a destroyed windshield and missing side mirror.

Car: 0; Brendan: 1

He may not have gained any battle scars (other than a beaten up bike…), but we can make his life a little more entertaining as he recuperates in front of his computer in a drug-addled state. I’m sure he’d appreciate a comment section full of miscellaneous internet memes and silliness to cheer him up.

*Wearing a helmet also helps.


  1. R. Johnston says

    You want “a comment section full of miscellaneous internet memes and silliness to cheer him up” and you don’t start the thread with kitten pictures? Shame on you!

    There’s no silly internet meme more likely to cheer someone up than pictures of cats doing something adorable.

  2. hoverfrog says

    They don’t make cars like they used to. In my day you could run over have a dozen atheists on your way to church with nary a scratch on your bonnet. When you parked up one of the ushers would hose those atheists off, check the radiator and give your windscreen a polish.

    Atheists are like raccoons aren’t they?

  3. Atilla says

    This proves he’s possessed by Satan. That’s the only logical explanation. (If he was a believer, that would be God’s miracle)

  4. csrster says

    Sounds like nobody up there wasn’t watching over you Brendan. You were saved by a double negative.

  5. benjaminsa says

    About two months back. Nothing broken, just bruised. Had to reset my wheel, but besides that the bike was fine, not a bad accident.

  6. BaisBlackfingers says

    Really? You wanted to show Lou Ferrigno fighting a bear and you went with The Hulk? Can The Hulk throw a bear into SPACE!?!?

    1983 Hercules. It and its sequel are the greatest bad movies of all time.

  7. Bean says

    I was in hospital about a month ago having my jaw broken. Tips for Brendan: take the pills _with food_ before the pain sets in. Then life will be blissful.
    Way to beat up a car, dude!
    From one rabid secularist to another.

  8. says

    Truly, his Guardian Pirate was watching over him that day.

    (Though one has to wonder if said Guardian Pirate was so effective, why didn’t the Pirate stop the accident in the first place?)

  9. Hank Fox says

    Bystanders swear a long white strand, suspiciously like a noodly appendage, stretched down from the sky and touched him, just before the impact!

  10. Grammar Merchant says

    Clearly, we can conclude from this that Skydaddy loves atheists, bur really hates cars. Note to all atheists: Start riding bikes! (And yes, wear a helmet. Don’t test Skydaddy too much.)

  11. Parse says

    Brendan Murphy, atheist. A man barely alive.
    “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better… stronger… faster.

    Wait, what? *sigh* Gentlemen, we’re going to need a bigger car.”

  12. says

    but we can make his life a little more entertaining as he recuperates in front of his computer in a drug-addled state.

    You mean Washington? Strictly speaking, that would only apply to the part west of the Cascades.

    Good on you, Brendan, for not passing on the pain meds. On a rainy morning I crossed the railroad tracks in the industrial part of Ballard at too shallow an angle, slipped and broke my right arm. (Since I was going to the emergency room anyway, I rode the last four miles to the UW one-handed, turned in my Biostat homework, and limped on up to Hall Health.) I declined the pain meds, not knowing that I was still in shock and that shock doesn’t stop pain—it merely postpones it. The next two days were no fun at all.

    Get better soon!

  13. jufulu says

    Sure bike riding is fun until someone breaks an arm, (or a wrist, or a chest). Come to think of it most of my best injuries occurred while commuting on a bike. Good thing I didn’t injure my head.

  14. lrah says

    Funnily enough, a very similar thing happened to me once. It didn’t involve a bike, though, and the results weren’t as spectacular – a dented bonnet and mini-crack in the windshield versus a few bruises and an adrenalin high.

    Just as anecdotal evidence for the car-proofing properties of atheism. ;)

    Hope you feel better soon.

  15. Upright Ape says

    The bible says it all.
    “And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron” – Judges 1:19

    God cannot win a battle against a machine made out of iron. But atheists can.

  16. badandfierce says

    When I was hit, I came out of it very well, considering. A broken collarbone isn’t pleasant, but when it’s a person versus a few tons of plastic and metal, I think I came out ahead. My favorite part of the whole ensuing farce was definitely when a friend of mine posted to my facebook, “Did you see what you did to that windshield? It was totally smashed!”

    So while I’m not invincible, I think the car as I did each other equal damage. The car just had a lot more hit points. Fortunately, I had a point of leather armor in the form of the bomber jacket I wear for a winter coat.

    …Why, do you not account for personal happenstance in terms of D&D stats?

  17. Kate from Iowa says

    But since the pot was boiling over, it had to leave before moving him completely out of the way.

    Bystanders report seeing a shining colander in the heavens, and a woman later reported seeing the images of a basket of tomatoes, a head of garlic, a bottle of wine and a potted basil plant appear in her dog’s butt.

  18. cmv says

    I was in hospital about a month ago having my jaw broken.

    Is that an elective procedure?
    Good advice on the meds, though.

  19. fastlane says

    Is it too soon to start the one upmanship? :-)

    I’ve been hit by cars 6 times so far on my bicycle. (I’ll save the motorcycle ones in case I need it for later…)

    Never broke anything (except various parts of the bicycles) yet, but I did get one ambulance ride out of a hit and run.

    Oh yeah, the worst part…three of them were hit and runs. Almost made me consider carrying a 9mm on my bike.

    In better news, I’m picking up a brand new recumbent tomorrow so I can really start commuting here in Seattle.

    Heal up and get back in the saddle soon!

  20. Allie Clark says

    A SmartCar ran into my (atheist) roommate once, and it’s bumper crumpled. She got a light bruise.

  21. rob says

    i liked the video clips of flying bears. however, now i’m left wondering why does Lou Ferrigno hate bears?

  22. says

    Ahhh, now this is a refreshing thread about bicycles. You see, in a bike related forum as soon as you mention helmets you’re going to start a flame war.

    I won’t share my war stories because all of my bike related injuries are strictly my own fault.

    Glad to hear he’s going to be okay. I’ll add this to the medication advice above: If your pain meds aren’t cutting it, do NOT go to an inner city clinic to get a better prescription. In order to convince the doctor you might end up having to cry and exclaim “I don’t want fucking drugs, I just want to not hurt anymore!” whilst waving your half used packet of Tylenol 3’s around to show you haven’t binged on them.

    Also, if you slip on the stairs from a combination of fatigue and drug side effects and slide down to the bottom on your ass waving your freshly bolted together arm in the air to avoid further injury and your wife comes over and yells at you for scaring her remember this: It *will* be a funny story….someday.

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