The latest in absurd prudishness to come out of the Republican party is Ted Cruz’s opposition to masturbation, which is exactly what you’d expect of an advocate of small government.
In perhaps the most noticeable line of the brief, Cruz’s office declared,
There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.That is, the pursuit of such happiness had no constitutional standing.
You have no right to touch yourself. I don’t know how he would intend to enforce such a prohibition. but all I could think of was the work of another Texan who, unfortunately, is no longer around to respond appropriately to this nonsense. Molly Ivins is the exception that probes the rule about Texans.
That woman was a treasure.
Good Texans still exist, but political manipulations have rendered them almost powerless outside of a few enclaves.
Small government and bedroom inspectors!
Next, military intelligence.
Words never to be heard together in the real world.
But, they’ve now effectively outlawed in vitro fertilization. All of those clinics can close and the birthrate continue to plummet.
You know, I want a wall. Around Texas. With cobalt-60 tinted glass embedded in the concrete approaches to it inside of the Texas border.
^^ only the first 8 words of #3 were to be in QUOTE tag. typo alert
“law enforcement purpose…”
Really now.
I’m curious though, in a castle law state, with stand your ground firmly in place, what happens to the meat protection brigade when they start trying to enforce that law in people’s bedrooms?
I suspect that there will rapidly be vacancies in the program.
That video was great. “Oh, these are demonstration devices. And these other ones are personal massagers. Oh, those over there? Those are just butt plugs.” It displays how simultaneously pointless and oppressive it is, all within the same “educational devices” (i.e. sex toy) shop.
If they’re freaking out about that little bit, they’d likely declare war on Louisiana over what my wife and I brought with us during our relocation. ;)
Most, high end sex toys, ones that they’d not be able to afford for their little demo.
The wording of most anti-sexytimes declarations seem to imply that all sex is banned unless there is a non-zero chance of conception. I wonder then if the ‘no touchy except for procreation crowd’ are aware that a woman isn’t even able to concieve for roughly 50% of the menstruation cycle? And even in the event of conception, does that mean the couple can’t have sex for the next nine months? Something tells me the no-sexytimes crowd overlaps strongly with the a-wife-must-make-herself-available-to-her-man-for-sexytimes corwd, and I very much doubt they obey such strictures.
I thought Jim Hightower and Ann Richards probed fairly well. Hightower still going strong, I think.
Holms @ 9
In fact it’s entirely possible that particular Venn diagram has only one circle
Holms, they’re aware of that. Hell, they consider a married couple fucking after menopause as fornication, as procreation is no longer possible in their world view (it still is, as ovulation continues intermittently).
Weird SOB’s, that’s for sure. They didn’t like it when I mentioned castle doctrine. :)
Heh, I was never afraid to tear a page out of the other guy’s playbook and threaten to use it. After all, what really matters in life isn’t what you will do, it’s what the idiot thinks that you may do that actually matters. :D
Rep. Debra Danburg is my new hero.
Best reply yet:
https://twitter.com/clmazin/status/720259227067920385
I love her comment about Texas reforming the penile code. Sorry but I couldn’t resist.
That’s OK, Gary. Been thinking the very same thing myself all night.
Pretty much all dead. By definition even.
Meanwhile, Ted Cruz’s college roommate has tweeted that he can attest to the fact that Cruz clearly didn’t seem to believe that back in his college dorm.
http://occupydemocrats.com/2016/04/13/cruz-said-americans-dont-right-masturbate-college-roommates-response-perfect/
clearly the republicans have never heard the old advice “it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”
uncle frogy
pot and kettle
let me try that again
The Texan republicans have clearly not heard the advice
“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt”
uncle frogy
It’s bed time. I guess it’s time for some civil disobedience.
“Small government” is another one of the lies these folks repeat regularly, like “Christian brotherhood.” They don’t care about the size of government. They just want to disenfranchise and marginalize people they disagree with, oppress women, enslave people of color, and see to it that as much tax money as possible goes to their corporate benefactors.
As an Austinite, I have on many occasions, ahem, single handedly protested this outrageous restriction on my personal liberties.
The good Texans are all helping Pee Wee after he passed out.
https://youtu.be/9cHLoHou8uY
Dah! I forgot the comments here embed YouTube links. Sorry people on data plans!
That linked video was hilarious.
Speaking of women who are no longer around, can we have a singalong to the late great Chrissy Amphlett?
wizard1@12:
Actually, after menopause there is no more ovulation. But certainly during peri-menopause there can be.
Why is Ted Cruz using the government described in 1984 as a model of good government?
Never mind, don’t answer that question. I don’t think I want to think about it too much.
I was unaware a substantive due process right was required in order to, uh, have an educational time. I suspect what Cruz wants to say is “God didn’t give you permission to lower your hand!”
Also, can we just all diagnose each other with hysteria (men included) and say that any genital stimulating device found is for medical purposes?
My husband became a good ex-Texan, and I became a good expat, but if we were still there, we’d still be good Texans. This “nobody in Texas is a good person” bullshit is tiresome. I thought you socially enlightened people were a little better than that.
@30: I’m from Texas too, though I haven’t lived there in several decades now. There are a lot of good Texans. There are a lot of conservative, right wing Texans who are good to their families and neighbors, even. But the good Texans are never going to get enough power to outweigh the input of the bad Texans, especially as long as the schools promote bad behavior and discrimination*. The only way to get anywhere is to get out.
*As an example, an acquaintance who was a professor at UT Austin whose child went to one of the best public schools in Austin. Said person, who happens to be Jewish, took a 1 year sabatical position at Johns Hopkins. Towards the end of that year, his kid said to him, “Is there any way we can stay here? It’s nice not to be called a ‘Christ killer’ all the time.” So he got a job at U MD and they stayed. Note that this happened in “liberal” Austin, not, say, Lubbock or somewhere. It’s even worse than it appears.
What a curious combination of oppressive evil and staggering naivete Ted Cruz really is. It is particularity interesting that he is targeting devices more commonly employed by women than men. Why, it is almost as if his obsession, and any ludicrously impractical law he intends to pass to enforce it one day, is gendered or something…
A small government fetishist until it comes to what goes on between fully consenting adults (or a single adult interacting with their own body) behind closed doors is par for the course for a Republican, but how does this titanic nitwit expect to enact his delusional obsession with preventing the so called ‘sin of Onan’? Ban dildos? What is he going to do about objects that can occupy that function, but aren’t sex toys? Is he going to ban all suggestively shaped fruit and vegetables, for example? And what about vibrators? For decades, they were all marketed as personal massage devices to relieve muscular cramps and pain in any case, and companies like Hitachi with their (in)famous Magic Wand continue with that conceit the world over to this day due to the weird obsessions of idiots like Cruz.
Outlawing all devices of a…useful size, shape and vibration frequency could prove rather difficult. Outlaw personal massage devices? Oh look, here’s a device from Onacorp created to improve cognitive function by passing… err… ‘beneficial vibrations’ through the scalp and skull to the brain. Does it have any proven medical benefit? No, but neither does prayer or homeopathy. You say it might be used for other purposes? Perish the thought! The Brain Booster 3000 specifically states in its instruction manual that it was designed solely to boost one’s brain, and is not to be used for any other purpose. The manufacturers can’t be held responsible for any other use it might be put to…
Oh, you want to ban the Brain Booster 3000? Rest assured we will be suing you for that, but in the meantime Onacorp are proud to announce the Vibro-Cleanse – a small device (one handed operation by design!) used to loosen encrusted grime by means of vibrating head that breaks up the unwanted material for ease of removal. The level of oscillation is of course adjustable to allow use on varied objects and materials.
Onacorp – making your every day a pleasure…
Well, he just lost the gamer vote….
“You have no right to touch yourself”
Good job I’m left-handed…
The centuries-old terror of puritanicals everywhere: someone, somewhere might be having an enjoyable time (alone or with another(s)).
When will the Republicans (mostly) give up this sick madness of “let my conscience be your guide”?
I’d like Ted Cruz and associates to come over to Germany
I’m currently preparing sex ed classes for a 6th grade. I got all the material from my boss since I’m not a science teacher by training, so you can’t blame it on me being an evil SJW who loves orgasms: Not only will the kids get scientifically accurate information about genitals and ovulation, conception and most importantly contraception, they will also be told that masturbation is good and that being gay is totally normal.
Maybe we could solve your problem by giving them heart attacks?
PS, parents only get informed that this will happen. They don’t get to consent or withdraw consent.
Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk- @ 36;
Careful what you wish for – in the unlikely event that Cruz did become President, you wouldn’t want him to declare that Germany is the modern Sodom and Gomorrah, and then proceed to bomb it in retaliation for the ‘moral terrorism’ of having insufficient zeal and a near total lack of fear and hatred of sex, now would you?
I only wish this scenario was ridiculous enough to actually be funny, but with a fanatic like Cruz in charge anything is possible.
I know someone who gets off over shoes. Ted, what’s your policy on Jimmy Choos?
How is that so many people forget the 9th amendment?
The text of the Ninth Amendment is very short and states the following:
“The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.”
Sadly, even the SCOTUS has never (that I’m aware of in recent history) used the 9th amendment to set precedent limiting the legislature’s over reach. I suspect they are afraid it would open a can of worms in terms of precedent (which it would and should)!
Crimson Clupidae @ 9
I’m sure they would argue that a just because a proposed right isn’t enumerated doesn’t mean it should exist either. Whether or not it’s abortion, church-state seperation, or same sex-marriage, the Right believes that for everything to be nice and legal an act MUST be specifically mentioned in the Bill of Rights. Of course, that requires ratification of a new amendment which we all know is no easy task. None of this crazy “penumbra” talk.
That is why Trump is the preferred candidate. With a real name like Drumpf he is less likely to bomb the Fatherland. Speaking of which maybe we should ask hm for hos birth certificate to prove he’s not one of the Boys from Brazil.
To Crimson Clupeidae
Yep. By any version of originalism jurisprudence that is reasonable, the ninth amendment of the federal constitution demands judicial activism in favor of protecting personal liberty against government interference. IIRC, James Madison was against an explicit bill of rights because by enumerating some rights, it would disparage other rights in courts, and that’s why James Madison added the ninth amendment to the list of amendments given to him by George Mason. James Madison’s fears came true even with his ninth amendment. Unfortunately, everyone on SCOTUS IMAO fails proper legal reasoning 101 by blatantly ignoring the ninth amendment, its intent, its history, its text, etc.