Trump likes me, he really likes me!


As I mentioned before, somehow my name and email address have found their way on to the Trump campaign mailing list and every day I get emails from them asking for money, with each email trying to find a different way to entice me to contribute. I have not replied to any of these requests, even rejecting the offer to add my name to Melania Trump’s surprise birthday card. But that has not stopped them from telling me that I am held in very high esteem by Trump because of my steadfast support for him. The campaign seems to be somewhat masochistic, because the more I ignore them, the higher their esteem of me rises.

Here is an email I got a few days ago.

Friend,

President Trump has always been able to rely on you as a dedicated supporter, which is why we are proud to offer you the exclusive opportunity to join the Trump Presidential Honor Roll.

As a member of the Honor Roll, President Trump will be relying on YOU to advise him throughout the coming months on the proper course of action when countering the Left’s LIES and deceptions. When he needs guidance, HE’LL TURN TO YOU.

Joining President Trump’s Honor Roll is absolutely paramount if we’re going to secure another FOUR MORE YEARS and keep our Nation out of the hands of BIG GOVERNMENT SOCIALISTS, and that’s why we are calling on YOU to step up and accept the offer TODAY.

The Honor Roll is a select group and we can only guarantee your spot for the NEXT 3 HOURS before we release it.

Alas, I missed the deadline which means that Trump is going to be bitterly disappointed when he is given the news. I know he really wants my support so I wonder what better offer he will come up with next because he seems to desperately want my advice. Maybe invite me to lunch? But his favorite meal of cheeseburgers and Diet Coke is not going to cut it since I hate both. I will insist on Chinese or Mexican food, which he may not like since those are countries he views as enemies. But that’s tough. That’s my demand and I am sticking to it. He will just have to suck it up and agree.

I will also suggest to Trump that he should dial down all the bold face, italics, underlining, and upper case use in his emails. Such things should be used very sparingly to avoid coming across as a harangue. Since he is always in a haranguing mode, it accurately reflects his speaking style but in written form it is jarring.

Comments

  1. Reginald Selkirk says

    … and keep our Nation out of the hands of BIG GOVERNMENT SOCIALISTS

    How many Trump followers are bad-mouthing socialism as they line up to cash their COVID stimulus checks?

  2. G Pierce says

    I initially read “HE’LL TURN TO YOU” AS “HE’LL TURN ON YOU” much more in character.

  3. publicola says

    @1: Hypocrisy? What’s that? All the bold face, etc. is typical of ads for snake oil and scams, so it’s no surprise to find them there.

  4. MattP (must mock his crappy brain) says

    Meanwhile the shitstain rep of my gerrymandered district sent an email titled “ITS TIME TO RESPECT MINORITY RIGHTS”[sic]. Guess what that one’s about.

    Yep, a letter complaining about Democrats supposedly not respecting the rights of Republicans in the House.

  5. jrkrideau says

    he should dial down all the bold face, italics, underlining, and upper case use in his emails

    Probably composed by S. Miller, taking a break from his conspiracy blogging and forgetting to change styles.

    Are you sure that is real? It reads like something the onion would do.

  6. MattP (must mock his crappy brain) says

    @jrkrideau

    Are you sure that is real? It reads like something the onion would do.

    Is that directed at me? It is very much real. Hice also sent an email a while back about ‘someone must be held accountable’ for the pandemic blaming the WHO and China for supposedly not warning us, instead of acknowledging the simple fact that no one in trumpistan was listening to the many, many warnings. He replaced Paul ‘evolution… is lies straight from the pit of hell’ Broun when Broun tried and failed to get a Senate seat.

  7. jrkrideau says

    @ 6 MattP
    Not directed at you, I was referring to Mano’s original begging letter.

  8. MattP (must mock his crappy brain) says

    jrkrideau
    Pity. I wish hice was just an Onion post. He is parody made flesh.