Bertie is now the world’s fastest tortoise. He was clocked at 0.28 meters per second, easily smashing the previous world record of 0.125 meters per second that had stood since 1977. Bertie’s story as told in this video is a heartwarming one.
In other tortoise-related news that reminds us that these creatures are not as slow as we think, a 100-pound tortoise named Sulley that escaped from a backyard enclosure in his home was later found more than a mile away. Ok, it took him from Sunday to Friday to travel that distance but we have to assume that Sulley was not trying to sprint but was enjoying a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood. If he had set his mind to it, he could have probably made it to the next county.
Evidently tortoises can be quite spry when they want to be. In the opening scenes of the video it looks like a kid of perhaps five riding a tortoise that is leaping to try to get something on a stick. Cruel and abusive by today standards getting a ride on a tortoise was a thing back then. Other than the guy wiping out on the posts, and a punch, the action is pretty harmless. The fat guy on the ice could be serious, I hope he got out okay. All of it, outside the animal cruelty and potential of serious harm, seems like good fun. Damn, the dog really, really wants those cupcakes but is imposing brain-lock on itself resisting.