Poll time! Everyone take a poke at Florida

You’ve all seen the hideous Florida license plates, right? Well, the Orlando Sentinel has a poll to see whether people think it’s reasonable for a secular state government to be punching out plates endorsing a weird sectarian faith. So far, the kind of people who read the Sentinel think it is. I wonder what the kind of people who read Pharyngula think…

Should Florida lawmakers allow specialty state license plates with religious messages?

Yes. Floridians who are religious should have the right to pay more to show it on their plates. (3592 responses)
58.3%
Yes. Why is this any different than letting Floridians buy plates to benefit other causes they believe in, like saving manatees? (1131 responses)
18.4%
No. This goes crashing through the wall that should separate church and state. (1325 responses)
21.5%
No, because every religion — and atheists — will be able to demand a license plate. (112 responses)
1.8%

I am Pro-Test

There was a rally in LA for a group in favor of animal experimentation, Pro-Test, which also had a counter-rally by animal rights groups. You can guess which side I’m on in this debate: blocking experimentation on animals would kill biological research dead. The tactics of the anti-vivisectionists are also reprehensible and deserving of condemnation.

The Pro-Test group, an offshoot of an Oxford, England-based group founded in 2006, was organized by J. David Jentsch, a UCLA neuroscientist who was the target of a recent attack by anonymous animal-rights activists.  In the attack, Jentsch’s car was set on fire while it was parked in front of his Westside home.  (The FBI recently announced that a reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of those responsible has been increased to $75,000.)  Jentsch, who researches schizophrenia and drug addiction, conducts tests on monkeys.  While he acknowledges that some monkeys are killed as part of his research, he maintains that they do not suffer.  Jentsch was expected to speak at today’s rally.

Most importantly, we’re biologists. We’re in this business because we have a passion for the organisms we study, not because we’re some kind of sick sadists. We’re also currently swaddled up to our ears in regulations and monitors to prevent abuses of the animals in our care.

Unfortunately, the article discussing this rally has associated with it a poll. This makes me rather cranky—it’s a serious issue worth discussing, so please, don’t slap a stupid internet poll on it. It just means that advocacy groups will push at the numbers as if they mean something. So, please, go forth and destroy this pointless metric:

Can medical research on animals be conducted humanely?

Yes — and I support it if the animals are treated well 27% (1872 votes)

No — it’s inhumane by definition and I don’t support it 73% (5049 votes)

Not sure <1% (4 votes)

Bad joke, bad poll

This is an old, tired joke that has just been posted on the site of a right-wing moron’s radio show. I have heard it quite a few times before, usually by smug nitwits who think they’ve delivered a knock-out themselves.

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.”

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, ‘”Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, “What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The Marine calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.”

I love this joke. It’s a perfect illustration of the problem of religion. Set aside the inane caricature of a college professor made by someone who has apparently never met one, and look at the ‘hero’, the Marine. There is no reason to believe he is actually on a mission from a god, other than that he claims it. And he has used this claim to justify violence. Isn’t this the way it always is?

Let’s revise the joke. Substitute “radio show host” for “college professor”, and in the opening paragraphs, describe him as reactionary patriot waving the flag for god and country and demanding that his god strike him down if sending men to war wasn’t a righteous cause. Then have the Marine’s actions play out in exactly the same way.

Still funny? Maybe funnier? Or do you still think the Marine should still be arrested for assault?

That’s why I like the joke. It reveals the ignorance of the people who tell it, and it says much about how much of religion is an exercise in rationalizing criminal behavior.

That site also has a poll attached to it. You can tell the man is an amoral jerk by the way it’s worded, too.

One of the terrorists who planned the 9/11 hijackings is Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. While in CIA custody, newly released documents reflect that the Ron Jeremy-lookalike was waterboarded 183 times, far more than previously admitted to by government officials under the Bush Administration.

You Hear This Information and Think What?

Who freakin’ cares? He’s lucky we didn’t attach jumper cables to his nads.
84.62 %
It’s horrible, but we needed to do it to prevent further American deaths.
5.98 %
Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and others should be going to jail over this.
9.40 %

That our country has engaged in torture is one of the great shames of our generation; that we still have these thugs bragging about it is a continuing disgrace. Show them what you think—the people who find this behavior vile must speak up and act.

Todd Friel wants to know what you think

We were all greatly amused at the exchange between deer-in-the-headlights evangelical Todd Friel and Christopher Hitchens. Do you know what would make it even funnier? If Friel tried to twist the outcome by leaving it up to…an internet poll! He couldn’t possibly be goofy enough to do that, could he?

Yes, he could.

If you listened to the Christopher Hitchens:
Was Todd’s approach…

76% said: A) Just right.
7% said: B) Terrible.
17% said: C) Could have used more apologetics.

Vote fast, vote soon. This is a Christian radio evangelist’s site, so you just know that as soon as the numbers start going against him, the poll will either disappear or be mysteriously finagled.

No shout out for Jes at that speech

Obama is going to rouse the ire of the religious right yet further: he wisely opted not to endorse Jesus while giving a speech on economics by having a Christian symbol on the lectern covered up while he spoke. Good move, I think — let’s not get secular economic decision making all muddled up with Catholicism.

Amidst all of the American flags and presidential seals, there was something missing when President Barack Obama gave an economic speech at Georgetown University this week — Jesus.

The White House asked Georgetown to cover a monogram symbolizing Jesus’ name in Gaston Hall, which Obama used for his speech, according to CNSNews.com.

The gold “IHS” monogram inscribed on a pediment in the hall was covered over by a piece of black-painted plywood, and remained covered over the next day, CNSNews.com reported.

As even us Lutherans learned, once upon a time, IHS is just the transliterated first three letters of Jesus’ name — IHΣOYΣ — which always struck me as weirdly informal. They call their god “Jes”? Can we get really casual and call him “Jezzy baby”, too?

Anyway, of course there is a poll, and of course the irate believers are peeved that our president didn’t stand up behind good ol’ Jes and talk about the bailout. Maybe some other real Americans should also make their voices heard…

Do you support Georgetown’s decision to agree to cover up religious symbols at President Barack Obama’s speech Tuesday?

28%
Yes
72%
No

We are but a crude mob

Pleasant as it is to be acknowledged for our poll-smashing abilities, we really are a brutish, blunt instrument. The true masters of the poll hack are the denizens of 4chan (a name I mention with hesitation; it’s like invoking Hassan-i Sabbah, and you really don’t want to encourage these people to even look at you), who are able to shift even the biggest online polls at will. It shows how meaningless these polls really are when your position in them may be dictated by the happenstance of the first letter of your first name.

Make Fort Wayne look like a much more rational place

Fort Wayne, Indiana wants to know about your religion, and they have chosen the highly scientific method of … an internet poll. And you know what those are worth!

Question: Do you identify with some form of the Christian religion?

Yes, and my faith is important to me. 62%
No. I’m religious but in a personal way. 10%
No. I’m of another faith. 1%
No. I’m an atheist or agnostic. 27%

Well, they asked. Let ’em know what the answer is.

Ignorant old fuddy-duddy finds god, doesn’t like atheists or evolutionists anymore

It’s an article about yet another Christian who was once an atheist, telling us how awful and unfulfilling life was until he found Jebus. The guy is a fool, and just to spice it up, they threw in…a poll! A poll that needs fixing!

Should creationism have a place in the curriculum?

54% are saying yes
46% are saying no

So fix it already. Go ahead and leave a comment there, too, although the comments so far all seem to be going our way anyway.

Christian nation?

Let’s smash this silly poll about the status of the US.

President Obama said, ‘We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation, or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of a values. How do you feel about those comments?

Offended – America is still a Christian nation – 78.4%

Agree – No one religion is more important – 10.0%
Agree – Our country is not based on religious beliefs – 9.3%
Don’t care – 2.3%

Crazy. There’s something these people need to understand: that the nation and its government are secular does not mean that individuals cannot be religious. Similarly, this is not an atheist country, but that doesn’t mean a citizen can’t be an atheist.