It’s derecho time

A derecho is a widespread, long-lived, straight-line wind storm that is associated with a fast-moving group of severe thunderstorms known as a mesoscale convective system. Derechos cause hurricane-force winds, heavy rains, and flash floods. In many cases, convection-induced winds take on a bow echo form of squall line, often forming beneath an area of diverging upper tropospheric winds, and in a region of both rich low-level moisture and warm-air advection.

We were hit hard last night — our windows were rattling and banging with hail and savage rain smashing into our house, our basement was flooded, and the cat was stricken with mortal terror and freaking out in the house. We lost power briefly, and I notice some of the milkweed Mary is cultivating was smashed. No serious damage was done, fortunately.

Except…it’s predicted that we’ll probably get another one tonight.

True superheroes can resist the malign influence of plague rats

If alien invaders wanted to take over Earth, the most efficient strategy wouldn’t be to bomb things, or zap them with lasers; it would be to sow the planet with custom viruses that wipe out those pesky humans. To be really effective, they might want to indoctrinate the people psychologically to avoid basic prophylactic measures (this has already become a conspiracy theory). SMBC plays out this notion to its logical conclusion, and postulates that the triumphant survivors of this alien assault would be kindergarten teachers.

I support this conclusion. I think we ought to give all kindergarten and preschool teachers a massive raise, or at least issue biohazard gear to them.

Everything he touches turns to crap

Elon Musk has been keeping a lower profile lately, as the bad news is catching up to all of his businesses. Exploiters gotta exploit, though, so he has been able to open a new business in a domain he knows nothing about: fast food. His Hollywood restaurant is called the Tesla Diner.

It opened on Monday at 4:20pm, and you can tell that that was Elon’s idea. It features a bank of Tesla chargers, and if you order your food from your Tesla, you get priority on your service. I guess you better buy a Tesla so you can get slightly faster delivery of an overpriced burger. I don’t think this will rescue Tesla.

As for the food…

Jake Hook, who runs a Los Angeles-focused “Diner Theory” social media account, had described the Tesla Diner menu to me as “all over the place”, with a combination of “very fast food shlocky” items combined with sandwiches made with “bread from Tartine”, the luxury California bakery. The diner also offers a mix of “own the libs” and “we are the libs” options: on the one hand, “Epic Bacon”, four strips of bacon are served with sauces as a meatfluencer alternative to french fries, and on the other, avocado toast and matcha lattes. There was a kale salad served in a cardboard Cybertruck: welcome to southern California.

I’ll pass. The quick summary is this:

But the billionaire CEO tends to make big promises and not quite fulfill them. That appeared to be true even for a tiny burger joint.

It’s what he does.

A racist, union-busting, back-stabbing thug died the other day

I don’t feel like commenting on his death, so I’ll let Andre the Giant speak for me.

ANDRE THE GIANT “I’don’t like to speak badly of people. I have grown up thinking and being told that if you cannot say something nice about someone, you should not say anything at all. But I must break that rule in this case because I hate Hulk Hogan very much. He is a big ugly goon and | want to squash his face.”

Enough said.

An exciting new opportunity!

I just got invited to join a site for “influencers”, and I’m so enthused. I never imagined that an OnlyFans-like site would send me a personal invitation to participate.

Hi PZ,

I’m reaching out on behalf of Top4Fans, a subscription-based platform that’s a strong alternative to OnlyFans. Our goal is to help you boost your earnings, save time, and benefit from personalized support tailored to your needs.

We’d love to offer you a custom collaboration, with the possibility of a paid partnership, depending on your profile and level of engagement.

I took a look at some examples from their site.

Should I join? Would you pay to subscribe to pictures of my feet or my tushie? I have some doubts.

Snack time!

When I was a kid, I would park myself in my grandmother’s vegetable garden and snarfle my way down the rows, eating the carrots and peas like some gigantic verminous pest. My wife planted peas in our garden just for me, and the first pods were ready for eating.

Mmmmm. Peas. A glorious vegetable.

The doctor says…

Finally saw the orthopedist, and we reviewed my MRI. The assessment is that it’s a very small tear in a place with a good prospect for healing, so the plan is…

“Follow up if symptoms worsen or fail to improve.”

I can resume light exercise, but if it gets worse or causes pain I’m supposed to call in for an appointment and they’ll reconsider surgery.

So it’s good news, I guess.

I am suddenly craving a pizza from Detroit

I think the nearest Little Caesars to me is in St Cloud, about a 2 hour drive away. I think the company must hire people like Hiro Protagonist from Snow Crash to make their pizzas.

Stopped into this Little Caesars just trying to get a $6 pizza and ended up in a full on action movie. Just as | grabbed my order, this furious dude barges in yelling about how | cut him off in traffic earlier. Before | can even respond, he throws a punch but then out of nowhere the guy behind the counter jumps over it like he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life and just beats the living hell out of the guy. The guy ran off and the cashier just dusted himself off. | said “are you ok man” and he looked me dead in the eye and said “B*tch, this is Little Caesars. We always hot and ready.”
Five stars. Will absolutely return.

Off to the doctor!

I had my MRI that identified a torn meniscus last week, and now at last I have an appointment where, I presume, I’ll find out what can be done. I have low expectations. I am a little worried that my appointment is with an orthopedic surgeon — I’d rather do PT than get surgery. I’ll find out shortly.

Never mind, the appointment is tomorrow, and I’m a doddering old fool so anxious to end my misery that I put the wrong date in my calendar.