Another myth debunked with Science

I have just received a message from The Almighty Lord on twitter, re the kinds of expletives people use when excited.

Strangely enough, you’re right. People shout My Name when they have sex, because I am all one can think of when they’re orgasmic.

This is all wrong, a myth that another patriarchal myth has promoted to his advantage. I have carried out extensive empirical research in this area for approximately 35 years, and not once have I encountered a woman who shouted out any deity’s name at any time during sex. However, I have discovered one consistent phenomenon, a remarkably robust pattern of behavior that I’ve seen over and over again, in almost ten thousand encounters. There is one name that godless women frequently evoke at the height of passion.

Mine.

Next time some sneering, mocking Christian asks you what atheists say during sex, you’ve now got the data: they moan “…PZ…”. Who are you going to trust on this, some imaginary ghost in the sky or Science?

Funny poll

This one is already going our way — and when you see the question, you’ll understand why — but if you would like to give it a little boost, please do.

Who makes for funnier comedians, atheists or believers?

Atheists — To fully appreciate the absurdity of life you have to accept the absurdity of a god. 68%
Believers — Hilarity is part of God’s plan 32%

They’ve got examples and clips at that link, and it’s no contest.

Who have the godless got? George Carlin, Ricky Gervais, and Eddie Izzard. You could stop the contest right there.

Who have the godly got? Dane Cook. I’ve never been able to stand him, and this is the first I’ve heard that he’s a Christian (I had no idea that Noxious Frat Boy was a sect in that religion!). Steve Harvey. Some gomer named Mark Lowry I’d never heard of before, but if you watch his awful clip, you’ll understand why. OK, they do have Stephen Colbert, but what makes him funny is that his schtick mocks the religious.

There are a few funny believers, but they just look stupid when they bring religion into their routines, so the good ones don’t. The atheist comedians simply have the huge advantage of being able to tap into the absurdity of belief.

Heaven for sale

Now, for the low, low price of $12.79, you can reserve a spot in heaven for yourself. This is a real business selling tickets, certificates and ID cards that claims to give you a direct line to an afterlife in paradise, with a money-back guarantee. You might think it’s just a gag…but it’s the same thing as Catholic indulgences, so it’s a gag with a little bite.

Oh, and if you don’t like the prospect of eternity in heaven, you can also reserve a spot in hell. That one probably has a stronger seal of theological approval.