Funny poll

This one is already going our way — and when you see the question, you’ll understand why — but if you would like to give it a little boost, please do.

Who makes for funnier comedians, atheists or believers?

Atheists — To fully appreciate the absurdity of life you have to accept the absurdity of a god. 68%
Believers — Hilarity is part of God’s plan 32%

They’ve got examples and clips at that link, and it’s no contest.

Who have the godless got? George Carlin, Ricky Gervais, and Eddie Izzard. You could stop the contest right there.

Who have the godly got? Dane Cook. I’ve never been able to stand him, and this is the first I’ve heard that he’s a Christian (I had no idea that Noxious Frat Boy was a sect in that religion!). Steve Harvey. Some gomer named Mark Lowry I’d never heard of before, but if you watch his awful clip, you’ll understand why. OK, they do have Stephen Colbert, but what makes him funny is that his schtick mocks the religious.

There are a few funny believers, but they just look stupid when they bring religion into their routines, so the good ones don’t. The atheist comedians simply have the huge advantage of being able to tap into the absurdity of belief.

Mr Deity is back

If flies were creationists

Of course, as everyone knows, all flies are geneticists and evolutionists, which kind of deflates the joke.

Heaven for sale

Now, for the low, low price of $12.79, you can reserve a spot in heaven for yourself. This is a real business selling tickets, certificates and ID cards that claims to give you a direct line to an afterlife in paradise, with a money-back guarantee. You might think it’s just a gag…but it’s the same thing as Catholic indulgences, so it’s a gag with a little bite.

Oh, and if you don’t like the prospect of eternity in heaven, you can also reserve a spot in hell. That one probably has a stronger seal of theological approval.

More clues to God’s identity!

One of those right-wing circle-jerks has been going on in Virginia, and the wingnuts are vying to see who can be holiest — it looks like a contest between Newt Gingrich and Mike Huckabee. It’s boring, except, I think, for the revelation about the nature of God.

Huckabee was not to be outdone in the use of hyperbole. The former Republican presidential candidate called the United States a “blessed” nation whose victory against the British in the Revolutionary War was “a miracle from God’s hand,” indeed the same type of miracle that defeated the legalization of gay marriage in California.

Since we know how both of those victories were accomplished, that tells us something about the nature of the agent behind them. Thanks to Mike Huckabee, we now know that God is a) French, and b) Mormon.

I am easily amused

It’s the incongruity that made me laugh.

Sounds too familiar

OK, who’s the wise guy who gave one of our creationists a writing gig at The Onion?

I learned a few new euphemisms from this one

This is a song called Alone in the Universe, and it’s not what I thought it was about at first. I had to laugh.

It’s perfectly safe for work, unless you listen to the lyrics carefully.

Which Pope are you?

I took the test, and it said,

You are a heady mix of the most evil Popes – Paul III, Benedict IX, Urban II and “Hitler’s Pope” Pius XII.

Oops. I knew I shouldn’t have admitted that vanilla was my favorite ice cream flavor in that last question.

We’ve been attacked by the stupid, ignorant segment of the culture!

That horrible little Christian parody site, Christwire, is attacking me! It’s terrible! They have publicly made this wicked accusation: “Professor Meyers and the Pharyngula peddle off tentacle anime pornography.” I am aghast. I would sue their slandering, sanctimonious little butts off, except, of course, that their claim is actually true, and I’m actually rather proud of my small role in promoting a universal interest in animal sex.

I’m therefore going to have to fire back directly by linking to them and hammering down their bandwidth. Go ahead, visit their site until you reduce it to a stammering series of 404 errors.

And right after you’ve choked them off, you can read these articles just to spite them.

Tentacle sex, part deux

Spider Kama Sutra

Sex in the MRI

How to evolve a vulva

Penis evolution

The burden of bearing a massive penis