Today is International Men’s Day. Finally! I’m so tired of being ignored all the other days of the year.
I do wish to complain, though. Most of the logos I can find on Google are all about facial hair, ties, and sometimes bowler hats. Is that all we are? We can do better.
The theme this year is “Positive Male Role Models.” I don’t want to hear about your positive role models, though — tell me how you’re trying to be a good role model.
I honestly think we do need a much greater focus on men. Like feminism has done so much to create a new world for women to inhabit. Like there us so much more to fight got, but it’s impossible to deny that what feminine is has changed so much for the better even since the 90’s.
Our expectations and ways of raising “men and boys” has changed very little from the friggin 60’s. Like being a trans woman gives me such a interesting perspective on how we raise young men, and it’s fucked. Like I was in grade school in the 90’s and James bond was still seen as the ideal man. A role model who was a narcissistic rapist imperialist, is it any suprise young men are fucked in the head? Even on a less oppressive level men are still caught that the goal of masculinity is being the sole breadwinner for your wife, a state of affairs that is literally impossible to reach for a huge percentage of men for whom the family wage has been deliberately abolished.
Like the guys are not ok. Dudes are in fact not rocking and need some help.
Well, I try to be a good person mainly, not a good male whatever.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Just finished streaming the entire series and that man is awesome. A man from the 70s who does not meet typical masculine expectations is a rare.
He loves flowers, chess, classical music, poetry, justice, and cooking. He is proud of his nephew he is a professional weightlifter/needlepoint artist.
(FYI yes he has 3 or 4 sexist moments throughout the series but I’ll chalk that up to sexist writers.)
matthewfiore @3
Columbo is supposed to be an exemplar of Socratic irony. So is Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer:
https://eriksimpson.sites.grinnell.edu/Connections/Poetry/Terms/tropes4.html
I know you didn’t ask for role models, but Mr. Rodgers comes to mind to me. We need men who can be kind and caring. We need to grow masculinity beyond the brutish action hero and whiny manchild to show how to be a good man when there isn’t a crisis.
crimsonage @1: I once asked my son if he felt like he missed out on anything due to not having been raised (consciously) as a boy, and he said he was actually glad to have skipped the social pressure of militaristic culture and the emphasis on sports.
I think the poster designers missed one of the subtexts of “men with moustaches” in the 70s and 80s… or maybe they didn’t.
That “male role model” part is awkward. What does your penis have to do with this after the brief activity that makes offspring?
… tell me how you’re trying to be a good role model.
To quote a rapper (in an interview, not a rap – but which I can’t find online now) from the ’90s:
My contribution to the “male role model” is to never wear a tie. I don’t own a tie now. I’ve probably worn ties no more than 10 times in the last 50+ years. The last time may have been 20 years go for a friend’s wedding. I did not wear a tie for either of my weddings. I also don’t own a suit.
And I think my role model efforts are working. As far as I know my son has never worn a tie and does not own one.
Beyond that, I try to be kind and considerate to everyone. That’s why I unfriended my brother, his wife, and my niece and nephew. I’m afraid unkind words would spill out if I saw another video from one go them trumpeting Trump as a “man for god.”
Sorry, Robro, but I can’t agree. I wore a tie (almost) every day in my first profession and my second one, and I was at least in the first one almost by admittedly-warped definition a “male role model.” (Anybody who takes lawyers as role models regardless of gender/roles/whatever is clinically insane, so maybe that second profession undercuts things?)
Plus, you’re forgetting that Nyarlahotep is a god, too, and that’s about what your estranged family is promoting…
</tongue-in-cheek>
Hemidactylus @4
I definitely noticed the irony though I didn’t have a name for it. Thanks.
Columbo is thrilled to play the dingus just to give the criminal a false sense of security…until he drops the justice hammer in their evil asses.
Technically, he is a little ditzy (as shown in his occasional private moments) but he intentionally turns up his dingocity when around he he suspects. When around victims or witnesses, he is just a lovely human being.
No heroes.
PZ brings up decent points. However, I must say it again, there are too many who are obsessed with sex and gender. There are a bunch of ads on broadcast TV that make a huge thing about boosting toastosterone (intentional misspelling and intentional pun).
I don’t have hours to spend in deepest thought about role models, however, I am trying to be a good role model by:
1. Being rational, secular honest, and rather progressive.
2. Making my interactions with people positive for all, regardless of age, ethnicity, race, sex and gender. The important thing is that they are of good character and respect my point 1.
3. Engaging in learning/teaching interactions with others.
4. Abstaining from supporting people and organizations who are bigoted, abusive, dishonest, destructive, greedy, arrogant.
5. Being responsible in my use of all resources.
6. Involving myself in creative intellectual and artistic activities
7. Continuing to engage in community benefit activities and organizations
p.s. I also agree with @13 John Morales, no heroes. However, I do try to learn from and emulate the good qualities of role models, even though they (and I) have flaws.
Also, I tried the ‘non-blanking space’ tag and it works
As male role models go – if we must have such a thing – Carl Sagan springs to mind as a really good one.
David Attenbrough I think is another one. Plus Brian Cox – the astrophysicist and TV doco host of course.
At least from what I;’ve seen and know of them.
Hey, @15 StevoR, yes, they are good, but they are all role models in science fields. I would also search for sociological and (even though it’s a stretch) political role models, too. Richard D. Wolff, Jamie Raskin, and Jasmine Crockett, among others, come to mind.
Mostly just try to be a good person, which is independent of whatever gender you claim.
My ultimate positive role model, is of course, my father. He is an excellent man and is a kind, empathetic parent that raised me after age 11 by his lonesome. He never had to tell you he was masculine to show you how should behave when you become a man. He remains my ideal of masculinity. He is never emotionally closed off, and never emotionally or physically abusive in my upbringing. He never spanked me when I was young. One look and a “son, what were you thinking?” Was more than enough when I acted a fool.
Now that I’m a father myself, 4 girls, 3 of whom I married into, he slipped into the role of “big daddy” so smoothly you’d think he’d been prepping for it for years. He’s an amazing grandparent.
Now as for me, being a father of 4 girls, I hope I’m half the parent he was and I try to emulate him at every turn. “Show” them I’m a man without having to tell them. Hopefully, subtly, shaping their worldview for how a “real” man should behave.
I am trying to listen.
I am not a father, regretfully, but as the 48 year old eldest of 7 siblings, I have a LOT of nieces and nephews. And I try to be as much of a help to my siblings as I can. I say it like I’m joking but I actually try to live up to the moniker of World Class Uncle /Uncling. And I do it by trying ever moment I am with them to be conscious of my own behavior and to be as right about it as I can be in the moment. Whilst also trying to be the one they can relax and trust to be around and get away with (harmless) stuff they wouldn’t normally be able to.
For instance: If you skin a knuckle while helping me / being shown how to service a car, swear your head off, If I’m baby sitting, well everybody cleans up the kitchen after dinner despite the normal rules or whose turn it is to do what. First person to complain gets puppy pooh patrol in the back yard. Last few times, that’s been me. But then again, stay up as late as you like too. Be a boundary pushing 8 year old and stay up till 1230 before crashing on the couch if you like. 5 years ago and we still joke about it.
My take fwiw.
As many have already said, I try to be a good person. I have grandchildren (through my wife), but no children. At one point I was trying to figure out the difference between being a good grandmother and a good grandfather. Couldn’t come up with anything.