I have proof that the aliens are here

Warning: this is a discovery of a delicate, and some might even say offensive, nature, so I’ve put it below the fold. It’s an ad for a vibrator that you can order from AliExpress, but it will do no human any good — it is clearly designed for an exotic and clearly non-human morphology.

Figure this one out. Here we have a low-resolution glimpse of the internal anatomy of the orifices of some strange creature. The alien technology tucked into it looks crude and cheap and uninteresting, but that’s all that you’re allowed to purchase.

I suppose an alternative hypothesis would be that this is a stupid gadget intended to be sold at a profit to ignorant virgin men who will never have an opportunity to test it out.


  1. submoron says

    Didn’t Penn and Teller show a human ‘ex-abductee’ an ‘alien probe’ that was essentially a ‘vibrator’ painted silver? This is an opportunity for a new export industry for the earth!

  2. hemidactylus says

    Need I point out it’s stimulating the highly indented mons instead of clitoris, the gspot is in the wrong place (even I know that) and there’s no anatomical separation between vagina and dead ended rectum?

    Definitely not an alien as they know far more about us than that, but an example of illusion of explanatory depth from an incel or some Dunning Kruger Lothario.

    That both the clitoris and gspot were not correctly located proves the patriarchy is alive and well.

  3. says

    Its obviously a vibrator for marsupials which have two penises and in the case of the koala, 3 vaginas. https://trishansoz.com/trishansoz/animals/koala-reproduction.html

    Its obviously not suitable for a monotreme like an echidna which has a four-headed penis but only two are functioning at any one time. https://trishansoz.com/trishansoz/animals/koala-reproduction.html
    So if you see a kangaroo or koala with a mobile phone in their pouch you can guess what they are up to.

  4. wzrd1 says

    Stop being silly! It’s pink, has a cloaca, so it’s obviously a marital aid for a flamingo.
    Specifically, one missing its fling with Psyduck, who is well documented to be a cell phone addict.

  5. cartomancer says

    Sadly you’re completely wrong this time, PZ.

    It is a dreary truism of the human species that whatever its shape, size or texture, someone somewhere will have shoved it up an orifice for sex reasons.

  6. hemidactylus says

    cartomancer @10
    There are no doubt numerous xray images accumulated across hospital ERs worldwide proving your assertion on insertions.

  7. wzrd1 says

    hemidactylus @ 12, they do indeed.
    The variety of locations and objects is downright bewildering.

  8. says

    @5: So my ex designed this thing? Is that what you’re saying…?

    No seriously, my ex was legit that clueless. Dude had no idea that the clitorus even existed. Like none. He honestly thought I could get myself off by shoving a thumb inside. 😑

    @12: Steveioe AKA Steven Ho, the “Tips From the ER” guy will tell you to make sure it has a flared base or your X-ray will be the talk of the ER. Oh, and don’t pull the “I slipped and the carrot went up my ass” excuse. The nurses know exactly what you were doing.

  9. =8)-DX says

    Anatomically… “approximate” diagrams aside I’m pretty sure this fulfills the “this’ll do on a Friday night” criteria for genital wigglers. It’s gonna work don’t worry about it.

  10. chrislawson says

    Given this ‘invisible egg’ is neither invisible nor remotely egg-shaped, I can’t say I’m too surprised at the anatomical accuracy.

    My sci-fi friends from Perth used to laugh about a local sex shop that called itself Love Craft. This would be the perfect item for them to stock.

  11. Louis says

    @Raging Bee #17,

    Something that one could use for one’s dildonic adventures, but that would make puerile dick jokes during and after.


  12. Akira MacKenzie says

    Yes, when your libido is redlined, but you’ve only had human reproductive organs described to you by a kindergartener.

  13. wzrd1 says

    Tis a question to be pondered, which would be a worse experience? Having human reproductive organs described to you by a kindergartner or having the same described by Helen Keller?
    Thankfully, a question to never be answered.
    Although, such descriptions by sarcasm comics can be… Enlightening.
    Or something.