Wouldn’t you know it?

This is the first day of my summer break.

Of course, then, in the middle of the night, the toilet float assembly breaks. The water won’t stop running. My wife is disturbed by this, and gets up at 1am to fuss over it to no avail — she can’t close the water valve to the toilet — and wakes me up. I tell her it’s too late to be worried about this, just turn off the main valve in the basement and go to sleep, which she does.

This morning I get up, close the shutoff valve to the toilet, turn the main valve back on, and make coffee. Then I start disassembling the float valve so I can replace it. No rush; we have another bathroom upstairs.

But then, I’m informed that as long as I’m doing this little job, she’d really like a whole new toilet that’s a bit taller, since this one is practically a squat toilet, and as long as I’m doing that, can I get a bidet installed? This has turned into such a big job that I’m going to just call a plumber on Monday.

Maybe it’s a good thing I haven’t retired yet, I had a terrifying vision of what life would be like if I didn’t have a formal job.


  1. Reginald Selkirk says

    I wil recommend to you the “TOTO Drake Cotton Elongated Standard Height 2-piece WaterSense Soft Close Toilet 12-in Rough-In with Bidet 1.28-GPF” Model #MW7763074CEFG-01
    That’s ADA height.

  2. Larry says

    It sounds like you do have a formal job working off items from the Honey-Do list. Your outside work is simply a temporary respite.

  3. numerobis says

    It’s very considerate of the toilet to wait until your classes were done before exploding.

  4. Hemidactylus says

    You could get one of those super fancy tech toilets from Japan like Randy on South Park.

  5. Hemidactylus says

    Also there are boxes now that have replaced that float assembly. My first one started failing after a few years but the replacement has held up quite well.

    Back when I still had an archaic float assembly that started going bad I resorted to taping a small tupperware container to the underside of the float for more buoyancy which actually worked for a while. I should have called a plumber instead though.

  6. woozy says

    God. We just did that (our low flow toilets each would clog on average 3 times a month and that was just too much). The spouse who is very short really hates the more common tall 17 inch ones and wants her comfort of the now very rare Standard height of 14. I’m very tall and kind of dislike the shorter one as I have bad knees. But as each of our comfort is equally valid and important and we both have equally bad knees (actually the spouse’s are worse) the spouse gets choice on the master bedroom. I’ll get the tall one in the hall that so far doesn’t clog. The downstairs (that clogs every other week as well) will be a compromise.

    The replacement is okay. It’d be better taller and elongated but at least it doesn’t clog.

  7. flange says

    “…I had a terrifying vision of what life would be like if I didn’t have a formal job.”
    Yes, a good reminder that if you’re poor, everything, including toilets, escalates to a real crisis.

  8. hillaryrettig1 says

    This is fun! Do we all get to give PZ chores?

    We’re packing up for our move and could use some help PZ!

  9. Rich Woods says

    My cistern handle is suffering from an excess of limescale encrustation. But another year won’t matter.

  10. TGAP Dad says

    Replacing a whole toilet is way easier than replacing the guts. And a bidet is a simple device installed with the toilet seat bolts. Some toilets come already assembled and are easily installed, and even include the tools you’ll need.

  11. says

    While I was out of town, I saw some toilets with two water settings, thought that was neat. Mine at home feels really low too, so I sympathize with the Mrs.

  12. magistramarla says

    I’ve experienced those Japanese toilets. The first one was in the airport. My husband had a difficult time getting me to leave that ladies’ room. I was thoroughly enjoying the bidet, heated seat and music.
    We found that these toilets are in public places all over Tokyo – restaurants, malls, train stations – you name it.
    Every once in a while, I see a close approximation of the Japanese toilets being sold by Costco. Someday, we’re going to buy one!
    My husband will retire at the end of this year. He will have a list of “honey-do” projects. If Costco happens to sell these again, I may add one or two of them to his list.

  13. Silentbob says

    <Carry On movie>

    Ooh err, the professor’s got a dodgy ballcock!

    </Carry On movie>

  14. =8)-DX says

    I wish I had a bidet. Changing toilet cistern floats is always fun tho. =8)-DX

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