ElonGOAT: Oh the cringe…the cringe.


The cringiest. Some group of Musk cultists created a cryptocurrency called ElonGOAT, and decided to promote it in the goofiest way they could think of: by building a monument to Elon Musk.

Elon GOAT Token has really stepped outside the box and did something no other Crypto project has dared to do. We built Elon Musk a $600,000 monument on the back of a semi trailer in honor of his many accomplishments and commitment to Cryptocurrency! Since completion, $EGT has toured several states in the US and has now decided to deliver this gift to Elon at Tesla’s Giga factory in Austin!

We believe that Elon’s potential acceptance of this biblical sized gift could catapult $EGT into the limelight and accelerate its various initiatives.

$EGT’s future is bright with our ambitious plans to launch EGT PRO’s merchant processing solutions in early 2023. We also believe with proper execution the subsequent run at multiple centralized exchange listings will take us to the top!

Right. So they’ve invented some fake money, and they think the way to get people to invest in it is to spend $600,000 on an ugly-ass statue to get Elon Musk’s blessing. They’re also selling 5,000 NFTs…oops, I just stole one.

They also invented an ‘event’, driving this statue to the Tesla factory to convince Musk to tweet about them, which would somehow vastly increase the value of their precious imaginary coin. They’re urging everyone to buy buy buy now, before the anticipated Elon Tweet sends the price skyrocketing to the moon. That’s it. That’s the entire foundation for its value, getting a nod of acknowledgement from the petty god they worship. They’re chattering away about it online. They’re begging Elon Musk to come out and appreciate their work on Twitter.

$EGT TESLA SECURITY PERSONALLY CALLED ASHLEY AND GAVE HIM INSTRUCTIONS ON WHERE TO PARK!!!! ❤️❤️❤️🐂🐂🐂🐂🐂

That was from 15 hours ago, and was the last comment from the people dragging this statue to Austin. Maybe we can take a peek at how well their scheme is working.

Oops. The line go down. They lost 60% of their value the day they delivered their monstrosity.

Part of the problem might be that, goddamn, this is the ugliest statue I’ve ever seen. Maybe they’ve finally found a way to embarrass Elon Musk.

I mean, look at that thing! It’s Elon Musk’s head grafted onto the body of a goat, riding a rocket. It’s hideous. What drugs were they taking when they came up with that thing? I need to know so I never ever take them myself.

It’s a pile of aluminum scrap. Musk is going to pretend it doesn’t exist because taking ownership would mean he’d have to get it melted down, another expense added to his long list of woes. Although, I do have to admit that an ugly wasteful lump of metal built to celebrate stupidity and delusions might be the most appropriate monument for Elon Musk.

Comments

  1. Reginald Selkirk says

    We built Elon Musk a $600,000 monument…

    I assume that’s a conversion. I wonder if it was originally valued in Bitcoin or Rubles.

    … has gotten media attention around the world

    This is the first I have heard of it.

    to deliver this gift to Elon at Tesla’s Giga factory in Austin!

    Isn’t Pony Stark spending all his time at Tw#tter HQ these days? At least until he has ground that company into the dust?

  2. Oggie: Mathom says

    Somehow, though, this truly captures Elon Musk. He’s humping one of his own creations. Seams, well, poetically right to me.

  3. birgerjohansson says

    We need another of these with the head of Donald Trump.
    And one of Ron DeSantis with his head on Donald Trump ‘s body as he is trying so hard to impersonate Trump.

    BTW we need one of these for each of the Tech billionaire grifters.

  4. Tethys says

    That’s a goat body? It looks more like they grafted a head onto the very hungry caterpillar and added very weird stumpy hands.

    I suppose you could add another few heads and caterpillar bodies, and make a Trumelontis centipede to truly capture their essence.

  5. says

    Part of the problem might be that, goddamn, this is the ugliest statue I’ve ever seen.
    Uglier than that statue of Nathan Bedford Forest with the weird eyes?

  6. wzrd1 says

    Now, had they gone accurately, they’d have ELONgloat over a set of ruins.
    Keeping TRUMPmisteaks, TRUMPmcvodka and TRUMPwater company in the landfill.
    Naw, he’d test fire a rocket over it and add enough CO2 to make earth Venus 2.0.

  7. steve1 says

    We need a cinematic treatment. Please make a Movie about Elon Musk’s head grafted onto a goat and launched on a rocket to Mars.

  8. raven says

    We built Elon Musk a $600,000 monument on the back of a semi trailer in honor of his many accomplishments and commitment to Cryptocurrency!

    If it fits on the back of a semi trailer, it isn’t that big.

    They are either lying or stupid or both.
    They clearly overpaid by a factor of at least 100 X.

    A kitsch statue like that should cost $6,000 at the most.

    Or, the value of weird statues is like cryptocurrency values.
    Their fantasy worth is as much as you claim as long as you don’t try to sell them.

  9. raven says

    Everything about ELONGOAT cryptocurrency just screams SCAM!!! in giant neon letters.

    If it is that easy to make up a cryptocurrency, what is there to stop people from making up thousands of cryptocurrencies? Economists would call this a low barrier to entry.

    And if there are thousands of cryptocurrencies out there in the markets, why should they be worth anything?
    They aren’t backed by anything which makes them just 0s and 1s in a computer database somewhere.

  10. dstatton says

    The line between parody and reality has been dealing for some time now. With this, it has completely disappeared.

  11. monad says

    You laugh now, but once Elon gets the surgery you’ll see how brilliant this is. (Except that’s still not what a goat body looks like outside some very bad art.)

  12. silvrhalide says

    OH GOD MY EYES!!!!!!!!

    @4 Beat me to the punch Tethys. That was literally my first thought too.
    I’m still holding out hope for a human centipede of Chump, Muskrat and Bozos a la South Park.
    All I want for Christmas…

    “What drugs were they taking when they came up with that thing?”
    Literally the second thought I had. Followed by “should they be taking more or less of whatever it was that they took? Whatever it was, the dosage is clearly the incorrect one.”

    @5 I don’t know about the clip as a stand-in for the christawful statue but it’s an excellent symbol for Elon’s personal fortune, the trajectory of Twitter as a company and functional social network and the trajectory of crypto EGT.

    I sincerely hope the Hebrews’ golden calf was not this fugly.
    On that note… maybe we could repurpose this eyesore as the libertarians’ version of the golden calf? Think about it. Centipede Elon humping his Space X. It’s perfect.

  13. says

    “This biblical sized gift?” What the fuck’s “biblical” about it? Are they comparing it to the Golden Calf? Sorry, the Calf was a lot more tasteful, and more useful in its time.

    And the sheer ugliness of this “monument” is matched only by its sheer silliness. Oh well, it was nice of Husk’s fan-base to show their innelekshal caliber so clearly. I guess this is why Husk is transitioning to a new fan-base of reich-wing trolls: the latter at least look more plausible.

  14. says

    Could you imagine the embarrassment of walking into a store and asking if they accept Elon GOAT?

    I’ll start believing in cryptocurrencies when I see them working day to day as a stable currency for average people to buy groceries at pretty much the same cost every day (barring standard inflation) and not as a get rich quick investment scheme in computer codes.

  15. says

    Maybe Husk’s original fanboys are starting to realize their rock-star-idol is giving up on them, and have built this silly-assed monstrosity to try to woo him back? It must suck when your false god deserts you…

  16. Pierce R. Butler says

    Surely The Elon would feel insulted at any monument to himself with an under-million-dollar price tag.

  17. birgerjohansson says

    It is a sign of the apocalypse! Do you remember the horse-locust-scorpion chimeras of the book of revelation they never show in those Christian post-rapture films because even Christians realise it would look ridicilous?
    Here we have the real deal, the Christians who wrote the New Testament just got some details wrong.

    Now, I look forward to when the fire-breathing jews will turn up. Netanyahu with a severe case of bad breath?

  18. Tethys says

    I also thought that building an Aluminum Elontipede is the modern equivalent to Golden Calves.

    Is it AI generated? Proof of Memes is written on the rocket, so perhaps this monument is as real as the value of their GOAT crypto nonsense.

    It is indistinguishable from parody. Are they really that clueless that they are marketing a crypto scam using sportsball terminology and a logo that is literally a horned goat, the great demon Satan and his sidekick, Mammon.

  19. birgerjohansson says

    The monument looks cheap. It should be gilded!
    And have really big letters, like the Trump hotels.
    .
    The critter to the left at the middle image might be a pugapegacorn, the pug-pegasus-unicorn hybrid known to those who listen to God Awful Movies. Or maybe just a kaiju, preparing to rip Austin apart.

  20. says

    I’m with Tabby on this. Cryptocurrencies are utter crap as an investment, and not very useful as actual money, unless you’re regularly doing business with/in other countries. So: a) where is there even any need or demand for grocery stores to accept crypto as well as legal tender? There’d have to be a sizeable population of local buyers who are paid only in crypto; and why would anyone want to be paid in crypto? And b) how would any retail store or store chain be able to do it without pricing themselves out of their respective markets due to the cost of a new payment-processing system? They’d probably have to work with banks — big ones with connections and access to all forms of money, mind you, not just local banks — and would their current card-reading systems be able to handle crypto payments?

  21. birgerjohansson says

    This is the first time I hear about Nathan Bedford Forest. It looks like that creepy statue of wossname that soccer player, only worse.
    It could be a robot baddie in one of the seventies Dr Who episodes.
    .
    The Musk chimera statue is … I cannot find an analog. It belongs as a prop in those really cheesy Italian science fiction ripoff films that pop up now and then.
    Or maybe in Turkish Superman.

  22. says

    Oh, and there’s more than one cryptocurrency these days. Would your local retailers have to choose which cryptocurrencies they’ll accept? How often would they have to revise their choices? (“We’re still taking Bitcon — oops, I mean Bitcoin — and that Dogcoin or Corgicoin or whatever it’s called looks okay, but sorry, our bank won’t touch anything having to do with Musk or Bankman Fraud, so y’all will just have to find someone else to convert that shite into dollars if you want to buy lettuce and beer from us.”)

  23. Reginald Selkirk says

    @18: “This biblical sized gift?” What the fuck’s “biblical” about it?

    It’s bigger than a mustard seed.

  24. birgerjohansson says

    Let me elaborate. In the next Turkish Superman, this will feature as a statue celebrating Turkish Kal-El.

  25. Tethys says

    Oh my, somebody painted a picture of this ‘sculpture’ that includes the caterpillar apparently farting rainbows, and a rainbow outlined silhouette of the twit in the background of the rocket.

    The apparent designer said it’s better than his original rendering, and another claimed “All the devs are going to be fighting over that.”
    I bet it’s in a dumpster within 24 hours.

    https://twitter.com/ElonGoatToken/status/1596330320789667840?cxt=HHwWgIDUrYL-pqcsAAAA

  26. silvrhalide says

    @34 I think it is a 3/4 profile picture of Elon’s head, outlined in rainbows, as the background for the Elonipede humping Space X.
    I agree, it’s even better than the original.
    It is the cherry on the shit sundae that is the Elon GOAT crypto NFT original… thing. I refuse to call that thing art. Whatever it is, it isn’t art.

    Thanks for sharing. I’m crying laughing here.

  27. Dunc says

    If it is that easy to make up a cryptocurrency, what is there to stop people from making up thousands of cryptocurrencies?

    They already have – last time I saw a number, there was (I think) somewhere around 22,000 of them. The vast majority of them are “minor altcoins”, aka “shitcoins”, theoretically worth fractions of a cent, but with basically zero liquidity. Think penny stocks in bankrupt companies.

  28. ospalh says

    @10
    I presume it’s that size because it’s handy to have a getaway car (or truck) for when that thing gets condemned as a public eye-sore.

  29. horrabin says

    “The idea behind this statue is to capture the greatest transfer of wealth in its entire history.” — Globe Newswire
    That says it all, doesn’t it.
    Oops, the gift-giving isn’t going so well. Latest tweet:

    It seems Elon is testing us 🐐

  30. says

    From the article cited @33:

    In September, the sculpture sat in front of Tesla’s office in Palo Alto, Calif., during the company’s artificial-intelligence conference. Tesla employees crossed the street to take pictures with the sculpture, Mr. Sansalone said. Mr. Musk was at the conference, according to Twitter posts he made, and Mr. Sansalone assumes the billionaire saw the sculpture.

    So Husk has been ignoring this entreaty/offering from his acolytes since September. And they’re still dragging it all over the place to get him to like it. So that makes it ugly, silly, AND pathetic.

    At one point in the evening, a group of about 20 people who were waiting outside started to chant “Elon claim your goat” in the hopes that the god of crypto, as one co-founder put it, would hear them.

    Just like I said @18: a dumbass religious cult going to outrageous lengths to beg/entreat/sacrifice to get their god to come back to them, after he’s abandoned them because they’re no longer useful to him. Perhaps that chant would sound better if sung in Latin by a proper boys’ choir?

    And all this is being done to pump up yet another cryptocurency that no one really needs. If they can’t find any better way than this to pump it up, that’s proof that the party is truly over.

    PS: Look at the photo that goes with that article. That’s Elon’s head on the body of a Weiner-dog, not a goat. As Les Barker might say, dachshunds with Elon Husk’s head can’t climb Stairways to Heaven. Or Mars.

  31. ardipithecus says

    I wonder why they chose a goat. (Greatest Of All Time acronym?). It seems to me it would be more appropriate to graft Musk’s head on to the body of a blue bird.

  32. robro says

    What did the golden calf look like? Did it exist? I’m fairly sure it’s a myth, much like the “exodus” and most everything in the “little books”. But this thing seems to definitely exist. You have to wonder what the story behind it is because it seems like a joke, and perhaps should be a joke, but I fear it’s not.

  33. weylguy says

    The Second Commandment: “Thou shalt not make nor bow down to any graven images or idols.” Oh, what the hell, what do conservative evangelical Christians know about this stuff any more.

  34. StevoR says

    @ 40. vereverum :

    Ugliest?
    Golden calf?
    The golden calf niche is already taken by the Golden Donald Statue.

    The CPAC one from a few yeras ago now?

    https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/golden-trump-statue-cpac-implies-he-s-king-gop-his-ncna1259362

    Yeah. That’s even worse or at least as bad as this one I’d say..

    As for the Golden Calf wasn’t that – off top of head -linked with rival god Baal back when the Israelites were polytheistic worshipping not just Yahweh but also Baal, Shekinah / Asherah, maybe Lilith and others some of whom got demoted to demons later maybe?

  35. says

    Just checked both message-boards cited in the OP. EGT still going down, and no reports of any response, or even sighting, of Musk. Also, comments tagged “bullish” are old, recent comments are “bearish.” These silly-assed fanboys aren’t just dumber than Musk, they’re dumb enough to EMBARRASS Musk.

  36. chrislawson says

    Reginald@48–

    I woudn’t go calling that a “golden calf”. It was a small figurine less than 5 inches tall, it was made of bronze and silver not gold (although the bronze may have been burnished to give it a golden sheen), and there is no indication that it served any religous purpose. The only writers claiming this has anything to do with the golden calf from Exodus are Biblical literalists.

  37. StevoR says

    So .. If taking down statutes erases knowledge and history & since Musk is now a historic figure known to us because there’s this statute of him .. Does that mean if someone takes this statute down we all forget about Elon Musk and it’s like he no longer exists?

    Reichwing logic?

  38. StevoR says

    It just now occurs to me that either burying this monstrosity or shooting it into space like Musk’s Tesla might pose future palaeontologists / archaeologists with an interesting condundrum and is perhaps the only potential “good” use for it?

  39. says

    @23

    Is it AI generated?

    Probably. I’m guessing the perpetrators kept running “goat musk” through the AI generator with poor results, but adding “rocket” to the terms used to general the “art” eventually resulted in something they viewed as a hit.

    Goat Musk would be a great moniker for that waste of oxygen.

  40. KG says

    Goat Musk would be a great moniker for that waste of oxygen.

    “Goat musk” sounds like a paricularly repellent after-shave. But allegedly (my source is George Orwell’s biographical essay on Dali, Benefit of Clergy), Salvador Dali rubbed himself with goat dung before meeting his future wife for the first time. Since she did marry him, it seems goat musk after-shave would appeal to some women.

  41. says

    Here’s a comment on one of those Musklicking message boards, from the day before yesterday:

    elon is inside wokring on a payment system for dogecoin. this project is literal retardedness. buy dogecoin if you support elon retards🤣

    Also, EGT has been up above its initial “value” since about yesterday (one EGT is still worth less than a penny). Now they’re blithering about “burning” lots of EGTokens in preparation for some upcoming anticipated bull-market.

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