None of these spider pants make sense

OK, I’m trying to parse these images, but any spider limb diagram that incorporates the abdomen doesn’t work. The coxa (the proximate segment of the limb) attaches to the cephalothorax, not the abdomen, so the first two images simply do not fit. The third, maybe, but only if the pants hang so low they don’t cover the coxa, trochanter, and femur.

Maybe this diagram of the ventral cephalothorax will help.

I’m sorry if my pedantry ruins the joke, but spiders wouldn’t wear pants.


  1. lochaber says

    aren’t pants more to cover the butt/crotch then the legs themselves? So a spider could just wear a beanie over it’s abdomen, although that would get in the way of spinneret use…

  2. blf says

    The mildly deranged penguin says those are alien spiders, Jeansi victimafashion, thought to be from somewhere to the northwest of Sagittarius (possibly the Red Spider Nebula?). Not much is known about them, other than they preen around in groups, and eat small salads (making them a very rare herbivore spider).

  3. naturalcynic says

    Since most of the spiders you are interested in are the classy ladies, maybe they are old fashioned and can use a garter belt and old fashioned stockings with the seams and then add little shoes with high heels. A totally retro-fashion statement.
    Or is that too kinky?

  4. birgerjohansson says

    Maybe you should ask Herr Doctor Johannes Cabal, his girlfriend is an arachnid shape-changer from Hell.
    (his literary creator Jonathan L Howard has also written more Lovecraft-centric works)

  5. says

    Might be more interesting to consider “if spiders wore clothes, what kind of clothes would it be?” No reason to start with the assumption that they’d have anything similar to pants.

    Why would spiders want to wear clothes? For warmth or other environmental protection? For armor protecting against other spiders? For social reasons, maybe indicating rank or family ties? What parts of their body are most prominent to other spiders? Which parts are most exposed to danger? How do they move and how does that dictate the design? Which of these factors are general for all spiders and which are specific to the type of spider?

  6. unclefrogy says

    if they were worn as protective clothing they would probably prefer chaps
    if they were worn for modesty i have no idea what look like or be called

  7. seachange says

    Spiders are sensible enough to be naked, humans should learn a thing or two and do the same.

  8. Ridana says

    Sorry, but the commentary calls for a reprise of this:

    “This butt don’t sweat, but it can knit you a sweater! You ain’t never gonna see a better sweater-weather sweater than a butt-knit sweater!”

    Really, with a shiny hiney like this, who would ever wear pants?