1. What a Maroon, living up to the 'nym says

    Language is a funny thing. You can read a passage, recognize and give meaning to all the words in it, parse the syntax, and still have no fucking idea what it means.

  2. Sean Boyd says

    Wait, vaccinations result in dead BARBIES? Does Mattel know, and when did they know? How do you kill a Barbie if it was never alive to begin with? Does this have anything to do with horcruxes? No, that’s Harry Potter…different scum sucking corporation. This is all very confusing, and I’m only on my second cup of coffee.

  3. says

    “dead barbies”??? OH, THE DOLLANITY!

    “Dead Barbies can’t take care of themselves
    Dead Barbies can’t take things off the shelves…”

    (Perhaps they meant “dread Barbies,” rising silently from boxes and drawers, then falling over because they don’t have those stands that got lost a month after they got the dolls?)

  4. rq says

    The poor barbies, all those low frequencies…!
    Also, cemeteries are lovely places to take babies for a walk. Very quiet and few people to bother you. (This is assuming the local type of cemetery, which isn’t much different from a forested park.)
    Do starchildren know about climate change, and (a) if yes, (a) are they here to stop it, or (b) if not, has someone warned them? Not the best place to ascend to, at the moment.

  5. says

    So, if a vaccinated child gets sick, it’s because vaccines are evil. If they don’t get sick, it’s because they weren’t a “starchild”. How convenient.

  6. voidhawk says

    These beings are supposed to be strong enough to save humanity but a cemetery can nullify their powers? Weak.

  7. Ed Seedhouse says

    Wait! The master race sent to save all humanity can’t stand a little old shot in the arm?

  8. Artor says

    I’d like to think that this is a Poe, but I’ve actually known people who would say something like that.

  9. ardipithecus says

    I would have thought death was a lower frequency state than a slaughterhouse, butchery or cemetery. Who Knew?

  10. drken says

    This was pretty much Jenny McCarthy’s argument. Apparently her child was an “Indigo Baby”, so named because of the color of his aura. Once he got his vaccinations, the color of his aura changed and he became autistic. This should have been the first clue that nobody should listen to her or give her a platform, but Oprah let her on TV to be a public health menace anyway. The rest, of course, is a very sad, dark part of medical history.

  11. leerudolph says

    I have a reasonably good layperson’s/cook’s understanding of “starch”, but “ildren” stumped me. Luckily, Google Translate tells me it may be either Hmong for “the province” or Norwegian for “ferrets”. I’m definitely going with “polysaccheride ferrets”: “the province ferrets” would be ridiculous!

  12. Morgane Guillemot says

    Fucking hell, that reminds me. A guy I met through my therapist had a mother who believed in that starchildren crap, she told him the reason he was depressed was because he was no meant for this world and wanted to return to the stars.
    Luckily he got away from her and got better.

  13. komarov says

    Yes, yes, starchildren, whatever. Everyone here has missed something much bigger: Frequency content can be used to discern quality … or distinguish good and evil, it probably depends on circumstances. This means the Fourier Transform is quite possibly the most powerful diagnostic tool known to humanity.

    Not sure if that can of beans is still good? If those old batteries still work? Just do a Fourier analysis to find out.
    Whether a defendant is guilty can now be established by FFT. Low frequencies are reason enough to send them to jail or the gallows. No need to bother with evidence and other details. Justice will be swift and – mostly – jargon-free.
    Medicine can be revolutionised overnight. Once we’ve established the frequency spectra of the varoius diseases and maladies that haunt us, all that expensive kit that drives up medical cost becomes obsolete. (Crime will all but disappear since if you’re guilty of anything the doctor will be sure to find out)

    What a – truly – magical age we live in…

    Incidentally, don’t forget to check your lottery tickets for high frequencies before you buy them.

  14. consciousness razor says

    I’m definitely going with “polysaccheride ferrets”: “the province ferrets” would be ridiculous!

    Pretty sure it’s just reversed English, which is standard in some realms. You’d have to check the monster manual or consult your DM on this point, but if I’m not mistaken, the phylacteries of Nerd Lich-Rats have a weakness to low frequencies. If you think about it,* it’s really a small price to pay, for such unimaginable power.
    *You shouldn’t think about it.

  15. laurian says

    Well, that settles it. Now I have to figure out how to reverse my childhood immunizations.

  16. Jeremy Shaffer says

    I wish we had one those people who always complain about immigrants not learning to speak English would come along and explain to me what I just read because I know it’s all in English but the fuck if I can make heads or tails of what they’re saying.

  17. JustaTech says

    Morgane Guillemot @15: You make an excellent point about the additional damage ideas like this cause. Not only are kids not getting their vaccines, but their parents are expecting impossible things from them. What happens when a “starchild” is bad at math? Or not good at sports? Or loves video games? Does the parent go “oh, my bad, not a star child, it’s all good” or do they try to force their kid to be “special”?

    I’m glad that guy got help to get over his upbringing.

  18. leerudolph says

    (Crime will all but disappear since if you’re guilty of anything the doctor will be sure to find out)

    Tenser said the tensor, tenser said the tensor, tension, apprehension, and dissension have begun!

  19. weylguy says

    As a Star Child myself, I can positively attest to the veracity of the article in question. In my youth I was subjected to vaccines in public schools (the pain of those polio booster shots alone should have convinced my parents of their lethal toxicity), and years later I rightly attributed all my failures in life to vaccines, Democrats, scientists and climate change enthusiasts. It was only by the grace of the Great Planetary Ascendance and its holy earthly representative (President Trump) that my life was spared.

  20. chigau (違う) says

    weylguy #23
    That sounds much worse than being turned into a newt.
    I’m glad you got better.