Who would win in a battle between Florida Man and Minnesota Man?

I know that Florida Man gets all the press, but Minnesota Man is an up-and-comer.

Officers arrived at the couple’s home and found the words “Death Parde God Hell” spray-painted on the front door. A naked Duane Johnson allegedly ran outside and said his wife was dead, then ran back inside to take a bath. He was later found in the bathtub hallucinating and trying to wash white and black “things” from his skin, according to deputies.

Debra Johnson’s body was found wrapped in a sheet the top of the stairs, deputies said.

The newspaper reported that Debra had been living in a nursing home, but Duane checked her out days earlier because she wanted to die at home.

Duane Johnson said they took methamphetamine and she stopped taking her medications. They spent their final hours having sex and “rocked out” to their favorite metal band, Quiet Riot.

He said when Debra couldn’t eat or drink, he used snow to moisten her mouth, according to the court documcents.

Duane said Debra began having convulsions, but wouldn’t let him call police. After she died, Johnson said he washed his wife’s body and wrapped her in linen “like the Bible told me to do.”

They casually mention that he ran naked outside. That was on Wednesday, when it was below -30°C. Florida Man couldn’t do that!

I have to respect their commitment to death with dignity, where they get to decide what dignity means.


  1. harryblack says

    If Duane Johnson is Minnesota Man then I am putting my money on him for the win.
    He once flexed a cast off his arm ffs!

  2. nomadiq says

    I’ll be honest. If she was gonna die and decided to live out her last days doing a drug that is fun to do (you wouldn’t do it otherwise) then so what? The only issue is potential harm
    to others. Meth may do that.

    So I recommend MDMA, or acid…. or both at the same time. Candy flip your last days on earth. Have a great old laugh at how your body is failing, fuck your brains out, cry, and dissolve, the best you can, any last bit of ego you have before entropy does it for you.

  3. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    Good to know even the population of bizarre, have outliers, and aren’t ALL living in Florida only. Florida still seems to have a high concentration of cra residents.
    As a state, Florida wins. MN is an outlier

  4. nomadiq says


    Not a fan of Quiet Riot either. But then I’ve never mixed mathamphetamine with the listening to of Quiet Riot. I will continue to suspend judgement at this point.

  5. HidariMak says

    They casually mention that he ran naked outside. That was on Wednesday, when it was below -30°C. Florida Man couldn’t do that!

    Crazy on meth is crazy on meth. I never heard of Florida Man running outside naked at -30°C (-22°F), but there is that story about Florida Man cutting off his own penis, and feeding it to an alligator. https://www.opposingviews.com/category/when-neighbors-found-man-writhing-pain-and-covered-blood-they-asked-him-what-he-had-done

  6. fishy says

    I have to respect their commitment to death with dignity, where they get to decide what dignity means.

    That was my takeaway too.
    I’m wondering if he’ll be charged with anything other than the narcotics violation or if they will go after him for euthanasia.
    I would like to know how in control his wife was of her body and faculties and why she was in the nursing home in the first place.

  7. says

    8 fishy
    Oh, probably the narco charge. I imagine the conversation would go like, “Should we charge him for murder or for drugs?” “Oh, definitely drugs. Longer sentence.”

  8. tacitus says

    Sounds almost exactly like the plot of an episode of the Showtime show Shameless from a couple of seasons ago, minus the 30 degrees below part.

  9. madtom1999 says

    I must confess this sounds like an interesting way to go – I sat with my dad as he went passed on and wondered how I’d like to go and thought perhaps lots of good drink and drugs might be a good way to do it.
    I do wonder how her husband really felt when he came down – I hope he thought he showed her a good time.

  10. susans says

    Keep in mind the story of this woman’s last days is being told by a man crazy on meth. Not exactly the most reliable reporter.

  11. hemidactylus says

    An expert on Florida Man explains why nobody in any other state comes close:


    I’m partial to Florida Man, being in the demographic.

    I felt for this couple. Except for the Quiet Riot there’s a compelling human interest angle. From the narrative he honored her wishes. Florida Man would have played some loud death metal while throwing an alligator at a fast food drive thru employee, not wet his wife’s lips with snow.