Things you ought not to read while trapped in an interminable faculty meeting

I’ve just gotten out of a 2½ hour faculty meeting. During one of the breaks, I read this page on McSweeney’s, and when I got to #5 and #6, I almost lost it. Then #8, and I felt a funny noise trying to rise up the back of my throat. I seized up at #9, beginning to wonder if they had a spy camera on the wall behind me.

But then I read this article and realized they must have the spy cams installed at the University of Chicago, not here. Whew. We’re only sorta exactly like that.


  1. John Harshman says

    “This article” seems to be a letter to incoming freshmen at what I assume is a fictional university. So far I’m having trouble making the connnection to University of Chicago. Help me.

  2. anbheal says

    They say that post-modernism has been the death of satire. I’m not so sure. That was pretty damn funny.

  3. wzrd1 says

    Hey, 2 1/2 hours and something was accomplished – you caught up on your reading a little.
    That’s more than we ever accomplished in a same length Command and Staff meeting. Of course, we had the added benefit of no cell phones permitted and death by Powerpoint.

  4. wzrd1 says

    @briue1987, for our command and staff meetings, some grain alcohol and whiskey chasers would’ve lowered the suicide rate at the meetings.

    OK, no suicides at the meetings, but there were quite a few discussions over homicide by other participants, in regards to certain long winded presenters of minutiae.
    Such as, brigade S4 (supply) is running low on left handed monkey wrenches, while the unit having the meeting is a combat arms battalion, who have as much use for any monkey wrench as they’d have for a submarine.

  5. John Morales says


    wzrd1, you’re engaging with a slymepit troll. FYI.

    (You’re being trolled)

  6. wzrd1 says

    @John, not really engaged. Just commented, hopefully humorously, about interminable meetings, which cause one’s mind to wander deep into the realm of insanity, due to the inanity of what ends up being topics being reported upon.

    Frankly, I don’t know what keeps senior officers sane, as they get to attend a minimum of two of those meetings. Their unit and their superior echelon.

    We honestly, on more than one occasion, discussed bringing in a tiddly winks set in and starting a game.
    And yeah, I’m serious, we did joke about that. But, death by powerpoint is a deadly serious topic that really should be openly discussed. :P

    Well, my wife is calling me. Something about a camel and sutures.
    Oh, my bad. Sutra. Oh.

  7. chigau (違う) says

    briue1987 is a previously-banned entity.
    You can do your rants without refering to slyme.