At last we understand what all those pedophile priests were doing: according to this bizarre theology of Clément de Saint-Marcq from 1906, they’re just serving the True Eucharist.
Let us pose then this question: How does a man give of his flesh to eat and of his blood to drink without cutting himself or rending his limbs, without injuring himself, without damaging the integrity of his body?
This problem brings a solution and brings only one solution. We have no choice. We are obliged to take that which science furnishes us with: the procreative semen is a comestible material, semi-solid, semi-liquid, which therefore can be eaten or drunk; it is at once the flesh and the blood of the man who provides it, because in it is found the germ of his possible descendance, which is the flesh of his flesh and the fruit of his blood. It is therefore under the auspices of sperm that the flesh of Jesus Christ was able truly to be a nourishment and his blood a beverage.
We have seen that, according to the teachings of the Messiah, it is absolutely necessary to eat His flesh and drink His blood to achieve eternal life. Submitting to this injunction, certain faithful therefore approached their master and received from Him a portion of the sacred substance which immortalised them.
I think maybe he was straining a little too hard to interpret the Bible literally.
This eucharist pills in the shower.
Every sperm is sacred.
Perhaps this is simply the earliest recorded incarnation of Poe’s Law?
Maybe this guy was a troll.
Eh. No crazier than believing that a cracker and wine are literally the body and blood of a zombie who rose from the dead 2000 years ago. Which is kind of the problem with accomodationism overall: where inane and harmless ridiculous ideas flourish, dangerous ridiculous ideas are sure to follow since there are no intellectual grounds for ascribing truthfulness to one and not the other.
Hah, Phil! I LOLed (LedOL?) at that.
….and Catholic priests are still trying to find ways to cope with this revelation to this day.
Reminds me of the old Sam Kinison skit, where jesus finally loses it and screams “EaaT meeee!!!” At his apostles, who write down a sanitized version.
on fire Marcus!
Certainly explains why it was the last supper.
That puts a whole new spin on all those lawn signs I keep seeing that say “Jesus is Coming.”
Ugh! Now I feel sick…
Google Phibionite’s for more on the subject.
If the Catholic Church were more like them people would have a lot less to talk about in confession.
Oh now that is a bit of motivated reasoning that bears some speculation.
He goes from versus on “munching” on “divine flesh and blood”, to not wanting to mutilate ourselves, to “we must use the semen”. That’s quite a transition.
Later we see,
Emphasis mine. Translation mine.
“Don’t judge me on *unspecified semen related issues*! Only magical punishing man with perfection can do that!”
Is anyone else thinking “penis homes”?
It would finally provide a “logical” explanation for why women can’t be priests.
But ultimately it is just one more example of the stupidity of trying to take a mishmashed collection of mystical folderol literally.
wait, why couldn’t women be priests when they generally shed *actual blood* ?
Pteryxx @ 15;
Knowing the misogyny rooted deep within most forms of xianity, the answer would doubtless revolve around the supposedly ‘unclean’ nature of menstrual blood. I believe the sophistimicated theology underpinnings of the notion can be most succintly be summed up as ‘ewww, lady parts! Gross!’ They might dress it up by waffling on about the imaginary ‘fall’ and a fictional magic apple proferred by a talking snake, but at its root it all boils down to fear and hatred of women and women’s bodies.
Perhaps he was an Etoro or Kaluli.
Big Boppa @#12 — Wow, more obscure ancient religious sects to investigate. And so many different names. Thanks for the tip.
Wellll ….. there WAS that weird incident in the Garden of Gethsemane ….. (Mark 14: 50-52) – involving a nude youth !!!
The auspices of sperm? Oh, eeuuuw. I certainly hope PUAs don’t pick up this phrasing and run with it.
In actuality this was a legitimate Christian ritual, albeit from a sect now scorned.
Man! Talk about a cult of cannibal vampires!
Are these catholics from the bad old days suggesting the wine and crackers are really disguised semen and that it’s quite normal to want to eat these things and to not do so would result in not spending an endless eternity crawling up god’s arse? Not much of an offer and really rather sick and silly.
rogerfirth #21,
Cannibal vampiric abortionists.
Well, reading Luke 22 in the KJV, it is difficult to get the semen business into the last supper. It was bread and wine, to me at least.
How did the lovely (albeit irrelevant) Seder get trammeled in this morass of stupidity?
Well … that explains the famous Christmas Carol lyric:
“Joy to the World, the Lord is Cum.”
peterh @25:
When you take a half dozen or more grossly incompatible religions and create a hodgepodge of a cult designed to sucker in the rubes from any of those religions and more, you are going to end up with a whole lot of crazy self-contradictory gibberish in your rituals. When you mix the seder with cannibalistic rituals and resurrection beliefs from distinctly non-jewish religions in an effort to appeal to everybody, this is what you get.
A lot of christianity is much better explained as being an incoherent mish-mash of religions rather than as being an offshoot of judaism, and the last supper/easter story is definitely among those aspects of christianity better explained in the former fashion.
Would a female counterpart be menstrual blood?
Anthony K #1
teehee
I was listening the local Catholic radio station in the car a while back, when an elderly woman called in and started talking about how she explained the Eucharist to her grandson. She said she told him that taking the bread was just like putting Jesus in your mouth.
Damn, I think that guy is an ancestor of mine. I knew they dabbled in spiritualism at some point but I had no idea it was that “interesting”. I am going to check that up with my father, this is going to be fun ^_^.
Yup, I found some genealogical resources and it checks out, George le Clément de Saint-Marcq was my grand-mother’s cousin. Knowing how devout she was, I wonder how she handled her cousin’s views about sexual liberation. They must have had some interesting family dinners…
jean-nicolasdenonne, welcome to the club of people with famous questionable relations. :) My own grandmother’s cousin was evidently Ayn Rand, if my grandmother is understanding some marriage ties correctly.
“Louis CK learns about the Catholic Church”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VABSoHYQr6k
has already handled this situation, only what he learned was that it was for “purity”.
Ah yes, the Republican ideal of “local control.”
On a completely unrelated topic, the most recent episode of This American Life dealt with Hasidic Jews destroying the public school system in East Ramapo, New York.
Oops, wrong thread.
R Johnston @#27
True, but then Judaism might be better described as an incoherent mishmash of cults. The notion of a single Judaism is part of its origin myth, too. I suspect the same could be said of all religions.
Jesus commands blowjobs.
And that’s why it’s called cummunion.
*barf*
The Bible is notably lacking in stage direction. But this suggests a gesture accompanying the words “Do this in remembrance of me.”
robro @37: I’ve known a whole lot of people in my life who openly acknowledge that judaism evolved over time and drew upon many religions–most of them are, given my background, even jewish; I’ve yet to meet anyone who acknowledges that placing christianity as an offshoot of judaism was an interpolation decades after the fact and that the books of the new testament are generally disordered in terms of the time they were written in an apparent effort to cover this up. Acts and the gospels, where chrisitanity is placed within judaism at its inception, were written 30+ years after the earliest surviving epistles and who knows how long after the actual inception of christianity. The last supper in Corinthians gives no indication of being a seder; that’s just something that got added on as the story got refined later.
That’s like something de Sade would write as a rude, not-very-good joke.
Rev 22:12.
How to suckseed.
Whaaaaatttt?????
@Randomfactor:
Disguised as a cracker and some spruced up Manischewitz? More like:
Sure … why not? I figure that if you are willing to get religiously choked up over over a sacred ritual, where you commit symbolic, real if you are a Catholic, cannibalism, a little semen shouldn’t put you off. In for a dime …
This, IMHO, highlights the complete absurdity and irrational aspects of religion.
My face after reading this