If ever you accidentally put your underwear on backwards, you’ll discover how precisely it is tailored to human anatomy, and acquire a new appreciation for the garment industry.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
I marveled. It really does only fit one way.
I just detest it, as I do pyjamas, so abandoned both more than 40 years ago. Commando is a kind of freedom.
PZ:
Whereas if you’re commando, you only have to worry about putting your pants on backwards. That doesn’t work well either.
Boxers or briefs?
Now you made me google underpants worn backwards. View:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Underwear
No mention of accurate tailoring at all.
Also, PZ, it’s taken you this long to put your underwear on the wrong way? I marvel at that a wee bit.
Inaji #3
Ah, you inhabitants of the ex-colonies and your funny, paradoxical language…
I know! I don’t recall putting them on backwards ever before. It was weird.
Daz:
Yeah, yeah…
Whereas, if you don’t wear pants [underwear], you only have to worry about putting your trousers [or jeans] on backwards. That doesn’t work well either.
:D
If you put your jeans on backwards while going commando, there is less of a chance of catching your pubic hair in the zipper.
… Just don’t try it with button-up 501s.
The other day I managed to put on my bicycle shorts (related to underwear, as in skin tight) backwards. It took 10 minutes of riding to work out why they kept sliding down at the back. I had to duck behind some bushes to fix that particular directional indiscretion. Is this a sign of advanced PZ-ness? After all, I’m only a few years younger than El Poopy.
Commando? Not for me. I like a bit of snugness in the crotch. Also, boxer briefs all the way. Briefs are too tight in the crotch (what’s the name of the spot where the legs meet the crotch? That’s the spot I don’t like things being so tight), whilst boxers are just to free lovin’. Boxer briefs make everything juuuuuuust right.
Lofty:
Last week, I put on a tank top backwards and inside out. Didn’t realize until I was all the way into town. Yeah. (Same age as PZ here.)
Tony:
Heh, you’re not wearing your jeans tight enough. One of my neurologists (the one who does the spinal shots) said he wished everyone would at least be commando when they come in for shots, makes things easier.
Inaji:
Oh, I’ve tried. I don’t like the feel of jeans in the nether region.
Also not a fan of tight jeans, I prefer the looser fitting ones. I recall being slightly embarrassed years ago when I went to a clothing store (Buckle, I think) and had no clue of the different styles and fits of jeans (one of the associates explained the different fits to me-politely I might add). I’d always wondered why some jeans fit lower on my waist than others, or why the crotches on some were minimal, or why some jeans flared out, while others were like a second skin. Yeah, I wasn’t terribly observant.
Tony:
Something for everyone. As we type, I’m happily commando in my skin tight, shredded Aeropostales. (I can get away with that ’cause I take a small size.)
I’m with Tony. Snug boxers, loose-fit jeans. (Somebody did tell me that the 1980s ended some time back, but I refused to believe them.)
As an exercise, and I do mean exercise, try putting a pair of Spanx on backward.
Sure to maximise your ability to make use of tailwind.
I hate underwear. I hate the feel of being commando in jeans.
Living without (under or over) pants is best.
MM:
I do love my long dresses.
I could never see the point of boxers. Apart from use in the boxing ring, I mean. No “holding of the package” going on. Boxers always seemed like a lot of bunched up fabric in your pants that accomplished no practical purpose.
As for putting pants on backward. If you manage to do that, you are too drunk to leave the house. And in 40+ years of going commando I have never had anything caught in the zipper. As with all things, one develops habits to prevent such things.
I think the funniest thing I did was one day I used the bathroom just before a class and failed to pull up my zipper. Went the whole class without noticing. And there was a female student in the front row that day who fell asleep during the lecture. Connecting those two unrelated phenomena was, however, funny.
Inaji, I find skirts and dresses quite comfy for lounging in. I’d love to get a utilikilt, too, but they’re so dang expensive. I need to get back into sewing again.
MM:
Oh, I’d like one of those for me, one for Mister, but the expense, yeah, it’s too much.
Zoot suit, anyone?
Is there zootsuitundies?
None of the online places mention them?
Chigau @ 25, when I get my Zoot Suit, I’ll still be commando.
Ináji
I hear you.
But don’t you think that zootsuitundies would be fabulous?
Just imagine….
My wife is a weaver. A hand woven kilt of proper length, waulked to make it waterproof, would be $2000 minimum. Not too many people are willing to fork over that kind of quid, but the results are spectacular. Utillikilts (pleated man-skirts) are not nearly that kind of money. Nor are they as nice.
Chigau:
I dunno. Given the shape of Zoot pants, the best shape for Zoot undies would be pantaloons. If I can’t be arsed to wear a scrap of fabric under my clothes, I don’t think I’d be happy about those.
congential cynic:
Amazingly enough, MM & I know what utilikilts are, and I don’t believe we were talking about ultra-spendy dress kilts. By the way, utilikilts are damned expensive for some of us, just in case you didn’t know.
Tony!
Once I found the brand and size of briefs that feel the best on me I’ve never worn any other type. Means I have to stock up occasionally from the internetz as shops tend not to sell the good stuff anymore, just cheap crap. Good briefs are essential, bad ones make you want to scream.
congenital cynic
The ‘kilt’ in ‘utilikilts’ is just a word to indicate the skirtyness.
Real kilts have no pockets.
Utilikilts have a bazillion pockets.
Everyone needs pocketses.
(are there pocketses in zoot suits?)
Chigau:
Capacious ones.
congenital cynic:
Right there with you.
I also hate how they have a tendency to ride up in the back.
@Inaji
I don’t have any idea what a utilikilt costs, other than it’s far less than a real dress kilt. I don’t have either. Lots of scot in the heritage, but no desire to wear one either. My wife could make one, but so far in more than 20 years she hasn’t even made me a scarf (though she has woven hundreds of them). As for the price thing, just trying to keep it real. I buy jeans on sale at our local coop and balk if they are more than $30. Not one to spend much on clothing.
Just looked up utilikilts on line. They aren’t cheap. What I was seeing was from $150 to $350. I’ve never paid $150 for a pair of pants. So yeah, they aren’t cheap as ass covering for regular guys goes.
Tony!:
Boxer briefs make everything juuuuuuust right.I wore boxer briefs for the longest time and hated them during the winters because they would just break off the hairs on my thighs from the cold. That’s when I discovered trunks. They’re boxer briefs without the material running all the way down the thighs. At the same time they don’t catch in the groin area like briefs do!
Congenital Cynic:
No, it’s a lot of money for not a lot of clothes. Unlike MM, I can’t sew (clothing) to save my effin’ life. If I could locate a similar pattern, I could take it to a local seamtress, which would pull the size way down. As it stands, I can get a custom fit Zoot Suit for $300.00, so I’d rather put that sort of money on a Zoot Suit.
beergoggles @ 37, oooh, using code for quotes is awesome, waaaaaaay better than that stupid pale gray! I think I’ll steal, if you don’t mind.
Boxers? Briefs? Commando? Sometimes another option is required.
Several years ago I was required to undergo an orchiectomy. Sometime following the procedure, it occured to me that I was spending an inordinate amount of time using my hand to compress my crotch while sitting at my desk or driving. The problem was that things simply hurt, and hurt a lot, as if I had received a kick in my now non-existant testicle. So I decided to investigate and ask my doctor.
My doctor and I both reached the same conclusion: I was suffering from phantom pain as a result of the removal of the body part. His solution was primarily what the medical literature suggested: use an ace bandage to bind the affected area. Seriously. It is good advice in most circumstances, but how, exactly does one bind their crotch with an ace bandage. I suppose taking a class in Egyptian mummification techniques would provide some guidance, but those classes seem to be rather difficult to find on any kind of regular basis.
I finally found a solution that, while not highly preferred, lets me function without gaining a reputation as being the guy in the office who is always playing with himself. The solution? Let’s just say that Ed Wood was on to something. Women’s control panties provide the right compression and let me function at work, without being doubled over in constant pain. And yet, I do not put them on backwards.
I only wish I could go commando or even wear loose trousers in summer! Thigh chafing put an end to all that. It’s bike shorts or leggings under skirts whether I like it or not, these days. :(
I love long skirts and my Utilikilt (though they take a bit of practice at not flashing your panties, at least I had to practice anyway). The rest of the time men’s jeans or low rise women’s jeans.
Women’s jeans don’t have functional pockets. It’s quite annoying.
@Iyéska: Steal away. I like
codebetter because the contrast is easier on my eyes.@2kittehs: Look up ‘Fresh Balls’. It’s a liquid talc that you can apply to your inner thighs that solves the whole chafing issue! They market the same thing for women as ‘Fresh Breasts” but thigh chafing is pretty much a universal issue. I use it profusely as a safeguard when hiking about while sweating.
congenital cynic, What the hell is waulked?
is that a typo or some process for wool?
uncle frogy
Regarding the code tag:
I hate to put a dampener on things, but consider how confusing you might find things if you were visually impaired and using a screen-reader, and it informed you that what was to follow was code, but then code didn’t appear after the tag. (The same goes, I suspect, for the abbreviation and acronym tags people have been using for, basically, footnotes, of late.)
uncle frogy
Waulking is a process used on the material once the weaving is complete. The long run of cloth is formed into a circle about a couple of yards/metres in diameter and laid out on a table. It is then wetted with warm water. You need about 6 or 8 people around the table at this point, and they grab and hoist the cloth ring and move it around the table, smashing it down and squeezing it in unison. This is done in a rhythmic way for many minutes. In this way the wool is felted, which tightly integrates the fibres and makes the wool cloth much more waterproof, and very windproof. It’s not something you see done every day, that’s for sure. You can see it here
I have worn my pants backwards. In my defense, pretty much all my pants are stretchy things with no fasteners (can’t stand anything unyielding in the waist area). Didn’t realize what I’d done until I tried to put my hands in my pockets. Have also accidentally worn shirts backwards or inside-out. In my defense, I don’t pay much attention to my clothes.
I cannot imagine going commando in jeans as anything but uncomfortable, especially when sitting. Even with underpants on, the seams on jeans tend to get more intimately involved with my crotch bits than I prefer if I sit down carelessly.
beergoggles @43, thanks!
I just looked it up, and it sounds similar to Lanacane anti-chafing gel, which I quite like. I still find I need to replenish it all the time, though, when half the length of the thighs rub each other.
I was talking to a shop clerk about chafing (yes it was a women’s wear store, these conversations just happen, don’t they?) and she said once at the beach she came out of the water and thought her period had hit – there was blood on her legs. But it was from chafing. :(
On the OP, I’ve managed to pull my pants on back to front quite often, but I know it before they’re at arse height. The legs are cut higher in front and it rapidly feels All Wrong when I’ve reversed ’em.
I’m not a fan of using code for formatting, either. I can change the css for blockquote — just tell me what you want. Darker text? Color (not a fan of the pinkish tone for code, either)?
PZ
I’d like a darker font and a deeper indent for quotes.
or a background colour that is different from both the white and the grey.
Better.
but the smaller font is harder to read or maybe the line-spacing is too close
The quotes offset with a vertical bar look really good to me, much better than the faded gray I’ve been dealing with for my massive article dumps.
I like it.
As an early adopter of the Utilikilt, have a few cent’s worth for the conversation. I’ve killed 3 kilts over 15 years, but I wear them constantly, every day from the end of March to the end of October. They are ridiculously comfortable on a hot day, and they are built tough. I’ve killed maybe a dozen pairs of jeans in that time, including reinforced Carharts. So Utilikilts are an expensive investment, but well worth it over time.
But I tear apart & rebuild houses regularly. If you don’t need the bullet-proof workman’s kilt, there are cheaper knock-offs available from a number of copy-cat companies that have arisen since Utilikilts made modern kilts popular. I cannot recommend them highly enough, and I hope to see more people in Kilts. They’re pretty popular here in the Northwest, and we’re coming to free you all from the prison of bifurcated leggings!
You mean poopyhead finally decided — albeit apparently by accident — to try not-wearing underpants on his head ?
The Utilikilt website is really obnoxious.
blf #55
He didn’t say that; just that the direction was reversed…
Time, I think, for a photo of mormon underwear.
http://1857massacre.com/MMM/mormon_underwear.htm
Inaji, Iyéska,
So you get spinal shots too? If I may ask, what are yours for and how long does the pain relief last for you?
I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis this summer, and the surgeon said that if the epidural injections helped my back and leg pain, that meant that surgery would probably help too.
I’ve had two shots so far, and they really do make a difference! I guess that this means that I’m in for spinal surgery in the spring.
magistramarla:
I do. I get them every 3 months, because they won’t allow a closer interval. They last about a month. My lumbar discs are falling apart, but the primary problem I get the shots for is L5/S1 herniation, which closes off the spinal nerve exit, causing severe leg pain and difficulty in moving in any fashion, not just walking. Surgery has been discussed, but it would have no noticeable benefit in my case, and given the abysmal success rate of spinal surgeries (around 30%), I don’t consider it an option. A friend of mine opted for surgery, and after the third one, it finally took. I wish you the best of luck with yours, take care!
My boys like a little extra support and after having the equipment fall down the leg on a set of underwear, and damn near gelding myself, I swore off boxers. Same problem with going commando. I like thin stretch cotton knit high and tight so it breaths well and dries quickly while keeping everything out of the leg holes where pinching is an issue. Dry and well ventilated support is important down here in the warm and wet south.
I’m way too sensitive for commando.
I regard the very existence of boxers as an insult. “Take these shorts. Wear them without wearing underpants under them. Pretend they are underpants.” Like, WTF, designers!?! What were you thinking? Are you doing this For Teh Evulz?
The front and the back side of underpants made for male-bodied people tend to look very different.
Pharyngula: knowledge in depth, and breadth.
Well professor, that sounds like a mighty fine example of Intelligent Design.
dahduh
This is definitely one of those threads.
David @62:
True, but many people have put on their underwear when in a daze or half asleep. Or the front of the underwear isn’t clearly marked. Some underwear also doesn’t have a tag in the back. Then of course, there’s underwear that doesn’t look that visibly different in the front than in the back (yes, you have the opening in the front, but if the fabric is all the same color, it can be easy to miss that).
@David 62
I agree about boxers. I think they were made for hollywood movies, so men could be in a scene in their “underwear” but not have the budgie on display.
The husband likes boxers. He says (approximately) “Sometimes you just want things to be a little looser.” Admittedly he’s not into the sort of exercise that would result in violent movement of the bits, at least not while wearing underwear.
Considering I had — still have — a tendency to get dressed in the dark, I’ve had my share of independent-dressing fails.
I’ve put things on backwards, inside-out, backwards and inside-out, and I’ve gone out in mismatched socks (one black, one blue) and not noticed until quite a bit later in the day when I was far more awake.
We are far down thread now, and I am shocked that nobody has quoted the First Rule of Underwear: “Yellow in front, brown in back.”
My favourite pants error comes from Pepys’s diary (this being the era of petticoat breeches): “And among other things, met with Mr. Townsend, who told of his mistake the other day to put both his legs through one of his Knees of his breeches, and so went all day.”
coragyps:
Along those lines, I regret that I did not discover decades earlier the advantages of black underpants to those who have menstrual periods. No more worries about stains.