My staff has been doing nothing, I’m going to have to fire them!

Wait, what? Over on that Reddit thread about the benefits of douching, petzl20 has made this announcement:

Myers has a staff of assistants that research and do a large part of the writing for his blogs and tweets.

Gawdamn, I wish I’d known about this before. I’m going to put them to work grading papers and putting together my final exams for me instead — the writing is the fun stuff.

I’m not suddenly going to get a bill for hours worked, am I?


  1. hyrax says

    First Chris Clarke is a sockpuppet for PZ. Now he’s a whole staff of assistants? Will they ever get their stories straight?

  2. richvr says

    Reddit is a strange place. The people there consider themselves “Redditors” as if this makes the special. Meanwhile it’s actually “a vile hive of scum and villainy”. Whenever I hear of something that was posted on Reddit, I consider the source and then ignore it.

  3. Mattir says

    How does the large staff work with the “all the commenters are sockpuppets” thing? Or is the mutually exclusive problem just part of the ineffability that is PZ Meyers?

    Also, am I the only one totally appalled that the guys who hang out on reddit have any opinions at all about the appropriate care of lady parts?

  4. Charlie Foxtrot says

    Well, I’ve been adding links to local news articles about pedo-priests to the end of the old ‘shine a light on the cockroaches’ thread, just to keep a track of them (there’s been a lot lately)
    So invoice is in the mail, ok? :)

  5. says

    … am I the only one totally appalled that the guys who hang out on Reddit have any opinions at all about the appropriate care of lady parts?

    I guess maybe I’m just associating things oddly this evening, but somehow when you mention guys on Reddit with ideas about the care of lady parts, I get this image of things preserved in jars of formaldehyde.

    (/… or wait. Is that even so odd?)

  6. says

    Antares42 wrote “PZ Myers the brand”, not the person.
    Will you be releasing your collection of designer t-shirts soon?
    Maybe market a perfume called “Atheist”. Black bottle, of course.

  7. IslandBrewer says

    Of course PZ has a staff!

    We all know that professors teaching at state schools are bajillionaires who drive around in solid gold rocket cars with armies of supermodels on each arm. He obviously has enough money to hire writers.

  8. says

    I’d say that depends on what the things are and how they were acquired.

    I refer you back to the ‘guys on Reddit’ part, and request your understanding if I suggest I’d prefer not to go there.

  9. Tony ∞2012 recipient of the coronal mass erection∞ says

    I am so glad I do not follow Twitter or Reddit. I see more than enough fuckwittery when those douches come here.

  10. Tony ∞2012 recipient of the coronal mass erection∞ says

    Do you have the sockpuppet shirt or the ” I’m a slave for you ” shirt?

  11. says

    Funny, I always assumed PZ was a staff of writers and assistants, none of whom are actually called PZ Myers. Sort of like how there’s nobody named Jethro Tull in Jethro Tull.

  12. A. R says

    I’m thinking that the entire horde should do a Stormtrooper-esque march while wearing “I’m a sock-puppet of PZ Myers” shirts.

  13. Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts says

    PZ Meyers pays his male staff 70% less per troll-trouncing.


    Ouch, my hand is cramping up a bit as I type this. Am I on the clock? How good is our workers comp?

  14. Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts says


    About the same as that for race horses. Now get back to work before we decide we need the insurance pay out more!

    I will not stand for it! I call out to all staffers of the great Poopyhead, be you a diligent research assistant, a pithy sock-tweeter, or a sly sock-writer of Herr Myers’s blog posts, we do NOT have to stand for this.

    No one should have to suffer cramped hands, or worse injury*, for no pay, no perks, and very little grog. Somebody send message to the Thunderdome, there is a mutinous bunch sometimes in residence over there.

    WE GO ON STRIKE TONIGHT (adjust time of day-reference per your timezone)! FROM NOW ON, MYERS WILL HAVE TO DO ALL HIS OWN WORK; HE WILL NEVER COPE!!!!111 BWAHAHAhahaha

    *Just look at how nigel broke that douche, noelplum, over in the thread on douchey-douches**.

    **And of course, bringing up nigel and noelplum is intended to incite sympathy for nigel, in respect to whatever stress his breaking of the troll may be bringing him. Stress that is unrecompensed!

  15. chigau (無) says

    How To Grade Undergrad Papers
    Go to a stairwell
    Fling papers
    Those as go furthest (or leastest) get better (or worser) grades.
    [I inferred this from how my papers were graded a few years decades ago.]

  16. serena says

    Must resist urge…. to insinuate that perhaps these folks would like to be on your staff… ifyouknowwhatimean.jpg

  17. A. R says

    I wonder what the backpay would look like. We have plenty of PhDs, other scientists, MDs, lawyers, MBAs etc. who could charge obscenely high hourlies. PZ wouldn’t want to see my bill!

  18. Tony ∞2012 recipient of the coronal mass erection∞ says

    You could sell your molly. I hear people pay a pretty penny for that stuff. Better than weed…

  19. Tony ∞2012 recipient of the coronal mass erection∞ says

    Everything was reset when PZ rebooted things earlier this year…

  20. Marcus Hill (mysterious and nefarious) says

    I don’t do this for the pay. I do it for the generous pension plan.

  21. Louis says

    I am a sceptical sockpuppet of Louis.

    I don’t believe in myself.

    My preferred mode of humour is self deprecation, but I’m not very good at it.

    I’m all weak here. Waitress your tips. Attempt to veal.


  22. Louis says

    Oh and I second the calls for making with the cash.

    We all know PZ is on the rich teat of that sweet sweet government pay cheque. Right? He can afford it. After all, there is so much spare energy generated by his Government Funded Evil Volcano Lair, the energy revenues alone can fund us. That doesn’t even include sacrificial virgin taxes he gets.

    I demand Teh Back Paiy!


  23. says

    Well, you could fire your writing staff, but then again that could be too rash. Instead, just dock their pay for a couple weeks — that ought to get the message through to them.

  24. teejaykay says

    Bah, humbug. Obviously everyone reading this is part of PZ’s staff of some sort of secular CIA that no country will admit exists. It’s a conspiracy!

  25. says

    Stupid bullshit rumors are passed around in the anti ftb/anti a+ communities at a rate that is only rivaled in middle schools. I mean christ, this isn’t even the first time that they have had serious trouble deciding who wrote specific blog posts (despite the blog posts being on the internet where anyone can verify the author).

  26. Louis says


    Oh but the tedious details of who said what, when and how are irrelevant. All that matters is Norty Uppity Girlz Be Gettin Outta Their Rightful Place. I’m not sure if that is the kitchen any more, I mean, some people think women can be allowed to do some jobs even. Crazy I know, but there it is.



  27. says

    I think the magic phrase is “unpaid interns”. Yeah, that’s the ticket — my staff are all interning to learn the fine art of serving me. Maybe someday they’ll graduate to actually getting paid…if they work HARDER.

  28. Masquirina says

    You should never worry about attacks from reddit comments, unless you’re strongly opposed to video games and jokes about penii. Then we might have some problems.

  29. A Hermit says

    Gosh PZ, I come here `cause you go out and find stuff like Albert Mohler’s entertaining little column so I don’t have to, which saves me a lot of time so I kind of think of you as MY (unpaid, intern level) staff…

  30. Tony ∞2012 recipient of the coronal mass erection∞ says

    When I think of minions, I think of those ugly demons who served Glorificus in S5 of Buffy. I do not want to be that kind of minion.

  31. Janine: Hallucinating Liar says

    Tony, when I think of minions, I think of Harmony’s minions.

    And laugh.

  32. jackiepaper says

    @ comment 12:

    I’m digging the idea of a PZ signature perfume line. Hopefully it will catch on and soon science bloggers will all be hawking scents. If pop stars can do it, why not? The commercials alone would be priceless.

  33. smhll says

    Guys, I’m seeing an opportunity for many smutty jokes about PZ’s large and overworked ‘staff’.

  34. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    *looks up from grog receipts/inventory*
    Looks like your interns/minions have in the grog again PZ.

  35. Marcus Hill (mysterious and nefarious) says

    Wait, surely dick jokes are banned, since they perpetuate the patriarchy?

  36. chigau (無) says

    Ummm, didn’t that end in a 200km display of crucified bodies last time?

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  37. F [disappearing] says


    I am PZ Myers… and so is my wife!

    I’m PZ Myers, and so can you!

    I’m not PZ Myers, but I play one on TV.

    I am PZ Myers.
    No, I’m PZ Myers. You always get to be PZ Myers.

  38. Tony ∞2012 recipient of the coronal mass erection∞ says

    I would like to award the first ever PZ Myers Sockiepuppet of the year award to comments @59, 60, and 61 for making me snort like Steve Urkel.

  39. blf says

    Pee Zed is a sockpuppet. The blog is written by a Mechanical Turk automaton called Professor Poopyhead.

  40. Lyn M: Necrodunker of death, nothing but net says

    Sounds like there should be a Spartacus parade, in which the Mechanical Turk is carried on a float made of sockpuppets using typewriters. Unpaid interns will toss tiny sampler-sized black perfume bottles to the crowds, from their perches on the crucifixes. The banner: “They aren’t PZ Myers, we are.” This gets video’d and we start a our own reddit.

    Votes for the band or bands?

    Note: We will fund this with the interest on the back pay, so we can pick any band at all.