I get email

Nathan Moran wrote to chastise me. I feel bad for him…I get these things all the time and the stream-of-consciousness reaction I have to them is never flattering to my correspondents. Maybe they should stop.

Kent Hovind & Your Point of View/Opinion

I would extremely promote you to debate Dr. Kent Hovind, when he is accessible [When he gets out of prison?]. I guarantee you, afterwards you won’t look very smart [Yeah, what would I be thinking, debating a lunatic ex-con with a mail-order degree?] PROFESSOR [Is there a salary raise with my promotion to ALL-CAPS PROFESSOR?] PZ Myers [He spelled my name correctly! I am stunned.]. Secondyly [What happened to firstyly? And can you at least give me a thirdyly?], if “there is no sign of a loving, personal god, but only billions of years of pitiless winnowing without any direction other than short-term survival and reproduction“, then who decides the rules and regulations of man [Woman. Definitely woman.]. Man alone cannot go 24 hours without doing something unexpected or unwanted [You’ve been watching The Simpsons too much.]. The fact is that man is far from flawless [Yes? Has someone been arguing otherwise?]. We are prone to fail [Says the fellow touting Kent Hovind. I know.] PROFESSOR [Emphasize it some more, non-professor.]. If you cannot agree with that [Huh? What? When? Where?], then the college or university that you graduated from should be condemned or demolished [The universities of Washington, Oregon, and Utah will be greatly relieved to learn that Nathan has no reason to demolish their facilities. Think of all the homeless PROFESSORS, wandering the streets of Seattle, Eugene, and Salt Lake City.]. By the way, if you honestly believe in the evolutionist view [Uh-oh. I actually do. What will Nathan demolish now?] intruding in our universities and destroying the faith of many young adults [I keep saying it does, thank you for your support.], then you should know that there is no reason to live [What about sex? How about brook trout almondine with wild rice and a fine glass of wine on the side? How about a stormy day on a wild and rocky shore? How about taking a nice deep breath and just feeling your heart beat and your blood sing? Nathan, Nathan, Nathan…there’s so much to live for, don’t do it!] since we came from nothing [Well, Nathan, you personally came from a spurty little dribble squirted from your father’s penis to slather over a tiny scrap that erupted bloodily from your mother’s ovary, but really, we shouldn’t hold anyone’s humble beginnings against them. Why, the fact that I worked my way from nothing to this sumptuously fleshy instantiation containing the complex residue of exploding stars is something I regard as a mark of considerable well-deserved pride.]. That is the underlying statement that evolution eventually leads to [“from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.” Yes. Lovely, isn’t it?], causing citizens to commit suicide [What? Where? We should be swimming in the decaying corpses of dead biology PROFESSORS, then. This doesn’t seem to happen, you know.]. So save your pitiful blogs [I’ve only got the one.] about non-intellectual information [You’re reaching, Nathan. What is intellectual information? Does it wear tweed and pontificate sagely?] that could be taught by the “average joe” [Somehow, I’m not surprised that someone touting Kent Hovind believes just anyone can teach biology.] or Charles Darwin [Oh, bad news there! Charles Darwin didn’t know any genetics or molecular biology…he’d need a lot of remedial work before he could teach biology.].

Wait…no closing line? No “Regards, Nathan” or “Love, Nathan” or “In Jesus’ Name, Nathan”? I guess he really must be angry with me.